SAHM-what division of responsibility when one parent stays home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a SAHM means you’re going to be doing the bulk of childcare, cleaning and cooking. The exception is if you’re wealthy and can outsource all of this. I mean insanely wealthy with live in staff. Weekly cleaners still mean there is cleaning work for the SAHM like cleaning after meals and kids playing.

Most women aren’t interested in being a man’s maid, cook and nanny so they go to work. It’s a better arrangement. You get paid money too.

If you’re a SAHM and you expect your husband to pitch in at home a lot well then you’re not doing your job. He will think you’re a joke. You don’t work and you STILL can’t manage everything at home??

You need to meet better men.

C’mon. What are you even doing if you stay at home and don’t handle most stuff at home? A woman stays home to spend more time with kids, not pay for childcare, not burden the higher earning spouse with chores, etc. It is terrible to admit but a woman stays home to benefit everyone else.

You’re insane if you think your husband should be the sole breadwinner and then come home and split chores with you.

Huh? That is exactly what we do in our family. I only stayed home to be with my kids. Chores are unrelated to job/school status in our family. Everyone helps.

+1
We outsourced chores. We did not outsource childcare. I am a highly educated ( double masters) sahm with tons of certification. My kids benefit by having me as their support, tutor and advisor at home. Chores are low value stuff. Taking care of the kids and guiding them is high value stuff. I am the planner and organizer in the family.

Kids are thriving with no behaviour problems. They are high achievers at school. House is running well because I can manage the people who are responsible for the chores. DH is doing well and out marriage is strong because there is very few stressors.

I have no desire to spend any of my time working for some one else..I am willing to give all my talents and education to my kids. Maybe when they leave for college, I'll go and get a job. For now, I am valuable at home and I want to give my time, love and education to my kids.

Sounds like you’re entire life is your kids. Not all women want this type of life. I enjoy working and having my own identity and interests. Your entire post reads kids kids kids. It’s boring. My own mom was this way and she did herself a disservice.

This is like saying your job is your only focus in life. As a SAHM to one child I actually feel like I have more mental space for hobbies, which I never did when I was working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Really, PP? Are you being obtuse on purpose?

Ask the IRS whose money it is.

All of our accounts are joint accounts so I don't understand your point.

I’m sure you dont.

LOL. Please explain it then.

While you’re at it you can also explain why you are so threatened by highly-educated women in modern relationships.

What are you talking about? Modern how?

AKA “progressive and egalitarian” - terms previously used on this thread. Not “retro”.

It’s progressive to cook and clean for a man who has no relationship with his own children? And then get screwed in a divorce? Sounds awesome!

[Anonymous]

+1 pp

And it’s even more pathetic when they try to go after his money. He earned it girl. You could’ve gotten yours but you stayed at home instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Labor should be divided equally.
So, if SAHM is working (child care, housework, etc) the entire time DH is at work, then they split up the remaining tasks equally at home.
If SAHM is going to the gym and coffee with friends while the kids are at school, that does not count as work time and SAHM should take on more in the evenings and on weekends.

Omg. Please tell us about your typical week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, PP? Are you being obtuse on purpose?

Ask the IRS whose money it is.

All of our accounts are joint accounts so I don't understand your point.

I’m sure you dont.

LOL. Please explain it then.

While you’re at it you can also explain why you are so threatened by highly-educated women in modern relationships.

What are you talking about? Modern how?

AKA “progressive and egalitarian” - terms previously used on this thread. Not “retro”.

It’s progressive to cook and clean for a man who has no relationship with his own children? And then get screwed in a divorce? Sounds awesome!

LOL. I guess you missed the whole conversation. No, that is a "retro" relationship.

[Anonymous]

Why is childcare work when someone is paid to do it but not work when a parent does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, PP? Are you being obtuse on purpose?

Ask the IRS whose money it is.

All of our accounts are joint accounts so I don't understand your point.

I’m sure you dont.

LOL. Please explain it then.

While you’re at it you can also explain why you are so threatened by highly-educated women in modern relationships.

What are you talking about? Modern how?

AKA “progressive and egalitarian” - terms previously used on this thread. Not “retro”.

It’s progressive to cook and clean for a man who has no relationship with his own children? And then get screwed in a divorce? Sounds awesome!

LOL. I guess you missed the whole conversation. No, that is a "retro" relationship.

Please explain the modern relationship where your husband earns the money that supports you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is childcare work when someone is paid to do it but not work when a parent does it?

Because in one case it’s parenting/living life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really, PP? Are you being obtuse on purpose?

Ask the IRS whose money it is.

All of our accounts are joint accounts so I don't understand your point.

I’m sure you dont.

LOL. Please explain it then.

While you’re at it you can also explain why you are so threatened by highly-educated women in modern relationships.

What are you talking about? Modern how?

AKA “progressive and egalitarian” - terms previously used on this thread. Not “retro”.

It’s progressive to cook and clean for a man who has no relationship with his own children? And then get screwed in a divorce? Sounds awesome!

LOL. I guess you missed the whole conversation. No, that is a "retro" relationship.

Please explain the modern relationship where your husband earns the money that supports you.

I’m not going to recap the last few pages just because you are lazy.

And FWIW the largest portion of our (income-generating) wealth was formed together pre-kids. Technically, I contributed more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is childcare work when someone is paid to do it but not work when a parent does it?

Because in one case it’s parenting/living life.

This.

It’s nit a job. It’s a relationship. I wouldn’t quit my job to be a nanny for some other children, but it’s very important for me to be able to be home with my own children.

It’s kind of like brushing your teeth. Brushing a strangers teeth is a job. Brushing your own teeth is part of life. And while I probably wouldn’t pay a lot or need someone highly educated to brush my teeth if I couldn’t do it, I would give up a lot to be able to do it on my own.

[Anonymous]

He goes to work to earn money and that is his job. You stay home and take care if all household/ child duties and this is your job. You probably have a cleaning person as well as a nanny or au pair so why should the person earning the money help you with anything?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to answer your original question. When I was a SAHM (I'm now WAHM) my job was everything in the home. The kids, cooking, cleaning, grocery, laundry and more. Not everything got done everyday, but it was my job and my responsibility. When my DH got home he also helped around the house with things like trash, dinner clean up and with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He goes to work to earn money and that is his job. You stay home and take care if all household/ child duties and this is your job. You probably have a cleaning person as well as a nanny or au pair so why should the person earning the money help you with anything?

Because kids need two parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He goes to work to earn money and that is his job. You stay home and take care if all household/ child duties and this is your job. You probably have a cleaning person as well as a nanny or au pair so why should the person earning the money help you with anything?

If the kids don't see both parents doing chores like cooking and cleaning up after dinner (after work hours for both parents end), then they will grow up thinking their future spouse will do it all too. Cooking, taking out the trash, loading the dishwasher - that's part of living in a family and it's healthy for the kids to see both spouses stepping up, not just the SAH parent. Yes, the work day has ended, but that type of work in the home continues until bedtime and has to be done.

I think it's important for the kids to help out too as they get older, especially if they want to earn privileges and allowance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He goes to work to earn money and that is his job. You stay home and take care if all household/ child duties and this is your job. You probably have a cleaning person as well as a nanny or au pair so why should the person earning the money help you with anything?

So if you had two working parents or a single man who hired a housekeeper, these people would work their outside of the home jobs, hire a house cleaner and they would never have to life a finger at home? Sorry, but even single working people are going to have to come home and take out the trash or cook dinner or wipe down the kitchen. Working people with kids will also presumably want to spend some time with their kids in the evenings during the week and on weekends They will have laundry to do on weekends. You’re delusional if you think the SAHP needs to do 100% of the housework and child duties all the time including evenings and weekends. The working parent isn’t “helping” the SAHP, but just doing his or her job as a parent and adult.