SAHM-what division of responsibility when one parent stays home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do most of the house stuff, all the shopping and cooking. I do most of the appointments except when I don't feel well but husband does a lot of the evening activities so it all balances out.

But, I don't do yard work or wash the cars.

[Anonymous]

I SAH.
I take care of: kid drop offs & pick ups (school & all activities), registering kids for activities, making & taking kids to doc/dentist appts, almost all grocery shopping and cooking, finances/paying bills, buying kids’ clothes, a lot of the cleaning/laundry/dishes/organization/decluttering/etc.

He cleans, does laundry, etc some when he’s home. For decisions about the kids (education related, for example), we discuss together. We discuss trips together, he does research, I book things.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I split everything that is done when he is home. He is a hands on dad and husband. I can get a lot accomplished during the day though, so we have less to do in evenings and weekends.

I get a lot of migraines (better now than it was, so there is improvement) but when I am sick, I can't do anything. He has had to take off work to come pick the kids and me up because I was stranded with them before and could not drive. When I am sick he does everything. Now that my kids are teen and tween ages they do everything when I am sick. It is pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Labor should be divided equally.
So, if SAHM is working (child care, housework, etc) the entire time DH is at work, then they split up the remaining tasks equally at home.
If SAHM is going to the gym and coffee with friends while the kids are at school, that does not count as work time and SAHM should take on more in the evenings and on weekends.

What if the working parent drinks coffee with friends during a break, eats lunch with co-workers, or goes to the gym during the workday? Should they take on more housework in the evenings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Labor should be divided equally.
So, if SAHM is working (child care, housework, etc) the entire time DH is at work, then they split up the remaining tasks equally at home.
If SAHM is going to the gym and coffee with friends while the kids are at school, that does not count as work time and SAHM should take on more in the evenings and on weekends.

What if the working parent drinks coffee with friends during a break, eats lunch with co-workers, or goes to the gym during the workday? Should they take on more housework in the evenings?

Good question. I would like to know how we count getting to use the bathroom alone at work? Also when the toddler fights getting in to the carseat for 10 min and the preschooler has a meltdown about getting wet at swim class?

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM with 2 boys one of whom has significant special needs. My husband works from home and helps a lot as well as being a very involved dad. I do most cooking, shopping, cleaning (inside) while the kids are at school. He helps with kids daily (get ready for school and put to bed), cooks occasionally, does yard work, handles biking, and is able (thank goodness) to come to many drs appt with my special needs child (which is a lot), and helps pick up kids when my one son has various therapies. He works at night after kids are asleep to make up time.
We do have a special needs helper come 2 to 3 times a week just so we’re not so crazed after school and/or give us time together or with our other child.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I have each had a year home as a sahp. We both have fairly easy/low stress government jobs and thus dont need tons of time to recharge after work. The person home usually manages shopping, cooking, cleaning-as-we-go, and coordinating and being home for repairs, etc. The person at work can usually manage bills and other computer-based housework from the office (20mins/day, max?) more productively than the one at home can. The working parent usually does bathtime and bedtime while the sahp gets to "relax" by cleaning up after dinner, etc, without having to also manage the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Labor should be divided equally.
So, if SAHM is working (child care, housework, etc) the entire time DH is at work, then they split up the remaining tasks equally at home.
If SAHM is going to the gym and coffee with friends while the kids are at school, that does not count as work time and SAHM should take on more in the evenings and on weekends.

What if the working parent drinks coffee with friends during a break, eats lunch with co-workers, or goes to the gym during the workday? Should they take on more housework in the evenings?

I'd say yes, definitely!
-mom who's been on both sides of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Labor should be divided equally.
So, if SAHM is working (child care, housework, etc) the entire time DH is at work, then they split up the remaining tasks equally at home.
If SAHM is going to the gym and coffee with friends while the kids are at school, that does not count as work time and SAHM should take on more in the evenings and on weekends.

What if the working parent drinks coffee with friends during a break, eats lunch with co-workers, or goes to the gym during the workday? Should they take on more housework in the evenings?

Good question. I would like to know how we count getting to use the bathroom alone at work? Also when the toddler fights getting in to the carseat for 10 min and the preschooler has a meltdown about getting wet at swim class?

Lol!

I work part time, and the other day a friend of mine from work asked me what I do during my days off now that my youngest is in kindergarten. I told her xyz, but that sometimes I might meet a friend for coffee or lunch. She said that sounded amazing, and that she never had time to hang out and meet someone for coffee.
The thing is, we were sitting around drinking coffee right then, at work. And while we were sitting there, she made plans for lunch later that day.

I am not saying that she is sitting around all day. My friend is a busy surgeon. But most SAHMs are not sitting around all day either. You can be productive AND spend some time socializing.

[Anonymous]

We put in about equal numbers of work hours. He does about 45 hours a week of employed work and I put in the same hours at home. Even with 3 young kids I can get pretty much everything done that needs to be done in those 45 hours. That is a lot of time to do housework, errands, shopping, planning, organizing and all other house management related things. By using my time productively there really isn't much left to do on weekends or evenings. I try and get as much of the house and car maintenance done as possible but sometimes I leave things for him because I don't know how to do them.

During evenings and weekends we both do things that can't be done during the regular workweek - like dinner dishes, bedtime routines, weekend events etc.

We both expect the other to put in a full work week from Monday to Friday - getting done as much as possible. outside of that we share it. Sometimes because a kid has been sick or something else going on, I can't get all my work done that week and then we both pick up my slack on evenings or weekends, just like his colleagues would do for him if he couldn't get everything done for whatever reason.

We both take time for ourselves when we need it. He works out in the basement in the mornings before the kids are even up and i do lots of walking with them during the day so we don't really have designated me time for the gym. It is usually more about seeing a friend or doing something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We put in about equal numbers of work hours. He does about 45 hours a week of employed work and I put in the same hours at home. Even with 3 young kids I can get pretty much everything done that needs to be done in those 45 hours. That is a lot of time to do housework, errands, shopping, planning, organizing and all other house management related things. By using my time productively there really isn't much left to do on weekends or evenings. I try and get as much of the house and car maintenance done as possible but sometimes I leave things for him because I don't know how to do them.

During evenings and weekends we both do things that can't be done during the regular workweek - like dinner dishes, bedtime routines, weekend events etc.

We both expect the other to put in a full work week from Monday to Friday - getting done as much as possible. outside of that we share it. Sometimes because a kid has been sick or something else going on, I can't get all my work done that week and then we both pick up my slack on evenings or weekends, just like his colleagues would do for him if he couldn't get everything done for whatever reason.

We both take time for ourselves when we need it. He works out in the basement in the mornings before the kids are even up and i do lots of walking with them during the day so we don't really have designated me time for the gym. It is usually more about seeing a friend or doing something else.

Well, that’s impressive .

[Anonymous]

Future plans?
Educational concerns of children?
Socialization planning?

Stop making crap up to sound like a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Labor should be divided equally.
So, if SAHM is working (child care, housework, etc) the entire time DH is at work, then they split up the remaining tasks equally at home.
If SAHM is going to the gym and coffee with friends while the kids are at school, that does not count as work time and SAHM should take on more in the evenings and on weekends.

What if the working parent drinks coffee with friends during a break, eats lunch with co-workers, or goes to the gym during the workday? Should they take on more housework in the evenings?

Of course not. That’s part of working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both partners should have equal amounts of "me" time. No, the SAHM should not have to work 18 hr days doing everything around the house while her husband comes home at 5 and relaxes for the rest of the evening.

The person who comes home at 5, probably cannot afford a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both partners should have equal amounts of "me" time. No, the SAHM should not have to work 18 hr days doing everything around the house while her husband comes home at 5 and relaxes for the rest of the evening.

The person who comes home at 5, probably cannot afford a SAHP.

SAHP are typically in a bimodal distribution.