SAHM-what division of responsibility when one parent stays home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a SAHM means you’re going to be doing the bulk of childcare, cleaning and cooking. The exception is if you’re wealthy and can outsource all of this. I mean insanely wealthy with live in staff. Weekly cleaners still mean there is cleaning work for the SAHM like cleaning after meals and kids playing.

Most women aren’t interested in being a man’s maid, cook and nanny so they go to work. It’s a better arrangement. You get paid money too.

If you’re a SAHM and you expect your husband to pitch in at home a lot well then you’re not doing your job. He will think you’re a joke. You don’t work and you STILL can’t manage everything at home??

You need to meet better men.

C’mon. What are you even doing if you stay at home and don’t handle most stuff at home? A woman stays home to spend more time with kids, not pay for childcare, not burden the higher earning spouse with chores, etc. It is terrible to admit but a woman stays home to benefit everyone else.

You’re insane if you think your husband should be the sole breadwinner and then come home and split chores with you.

Huh? That is exactly what we do in our family. I only stayed home to be with my kids. Chores are unrelated to job/school status in our family. Everyone helps.

+1
We outsourced chores. We did not outsource childcare. I am a highly educated ( double masters) sahm with tons of certification. My kids benefit by having me as their support, tutor and advisor at home. Chores are low value stuff. Taking care of the kids and guiding them is high value stuff. I am the planner and organizer in the family.

Kids are thriving with no behaviour problems. They are high achievers at school. House is running well because I can manage the people who are responsible for the chores. DH is doing well and out marriage is strong because there is very few stressors.

I have no desire to spend any of my time working for some one else..I am willing to give all my talents and education to my kids. Maybe when they leave for college, I'll go and get a job. For now, I am valuable at home and I want to give my time, love and education to my kids.

What a hilarious, self congratulatory post. Women like you who take all the credit for raising ‘high achieving children with no behavior problems ‘ really are something. I’m sure it’s all because of the excellent guidance that you provided them as an educated sahm! Of course doing chores is beneath someone of your caliber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you seriously tell a nanny that she doesn’t work?

If someone asks where you work, would you really respond “at home, for the X family?”

This is pretty much standard dinner party conversation. What do you do for a living? I am a stay at home mom. What about you?

Hardly rocket science to answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you seriously tell a nanny that she doesn’t work?

If someone asks where you work, would you really respond “at home, for the X family?”

You didn't answer the question.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day, OP, this is really a discussion to have between you and your spouse. You have to do what works for the two of you and the distribution of chores may well change over time (youngest ages being, IMO, the hardest - just exhausting).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a SAHM means you’re going to be doing the bulk of childcare, cleaning and cooking. The exception is if you’re wealthy and can outsource all of this. I mean insanely wealthy with live in staff. Weekly cleaners still mean there is cleaning work for the SAHM like cleaning after meals and kids playing.

Most women aren’t interested in being a man’s maid, cook and nanny so they go to work. It’s a better arrangement. You get paid money too.

If you’re a SAHM and you expect your husband to pitch in at home a lot well then you’re not doing your job. He will think you’re a joke. You don’t work and you STILL can’t manage everything at home??

You need to meet better men.

C’mon. What are you even doing if you stay at home and don’t handle most stuff at home? A woman stays home to spend more time with kids, not pay for childcare, not burden the higher earning spouse with chores, etc. It is terrible to admit but a woman stays home to benefit everyone else.

You’re insane if you think your husband should be the sole breadwinner and then come home and split chores with you.

Huh? That is exactly what we do in our family. I only stayed home to be with my kids. Chores are unrelated to job/school status in our family. Everyone helps.

+1
We outsourced chores. We did not outsource childcare. I am a highly educated ( double masters) sahm with tons of certification. My kids benefit by having me as their support, tutor and advisor at home. Chores are low value stuff. Taking care of the kids and guiding them is high value stuff. I am the planner and organizer in the family.

Kids are thriving with no behaviour problems. They are high achievers at school. House is running well because I can manage the people who are responsible for the chores. DH is doing well and out marriage is strong because there is very few stressors.

I have no desire to spend any of my time working for some one else..I am willing to give all my talents and education to my kids. Maybe when they leave for college, I'll go and get a job. For now, I am valuable at home and I want to give my time, love and education to my kids.

What a hilarious, self congratulatory post. Women like you who take all the credit for raising ‘high achieving children with no behavior problems ‘ really are something. I’m sure it’s all because of the excellent guidance that you provided them as an educated sahm! Of course doing chores is beneath someone of your caliber.

+1

This post is one of the best I've seen on DCUM! This SAHM is sitting around while her kids are at school, telling the maid that she missed a spot vacuuming, because she thinks she's too brilliant to work inside or outside of the home.

[Anonymous]

Why are WOHMs even commenting on this thread? Oh yeah - we know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are WOHMs even commenting on this thread? Oh yeah - we know...

Drunk again on daddy’s martini?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you seriously tell a nanny that she doesn’t work?

If someone asks where you work, would you really respond “at home, for the X family?”

You didn't answer the question.

No, taking care of your own children doesn’t mean you’re a nanny or that you’re working. Taking care of your own children isn’t a job. It’s why you aren’t paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a SAHM means you’re going to be doing the bulk of childcare, cleaning and cooking. The exception is if you’re wealthy and can outsource all of this. I mean insanely wealthy with live in staff. Weekly cleaners still mean there is cleaning work for the SAHM like cleaning after meals and kids playing.

Most women aren’t interested in being a man’s maid, cook and nanny so they go to work. It’s a better arrangement. You get paid money too.

If you’re a SAHM and you expect your husband to pitch in at home a lot well then you’re not doing your job. He will think you’re a joke. You don’t work and you STILL can’t manage everything at home??

You need to meet better men.

C’mon. What are you even doing if you stay at home and don’t handle most stuff at home? A woman stays home to spend more time with kids, not pay for childcare, not burden the higher earning spouse with chores, etc. It is terrible to admit but a woman stays home to benefit everyone else.

You’re insane if you think your husband should be the sole breadwinner and then come home and split chores with you.

Huh? That is exactly what we do in our family. I only stayed home to be with my kids. Chores are unrelated to job/school status in our family. Everyone helps.

+1
We outsourced chores. We did not outsource childcare. I am a highly educated ( double masters) sahm with tons of certification. My kids benefit by having me as their support, tutor and advisor at home. Chores are low value stuff. Taking care of the kids and guiding them is high value stuff. I am the planner and organizer in the family.

Kids are thriving with no behaviour problems. They are high achievers at school. House is running well because I can manage the people who are responsible for the chores. DH is doing well and out marriage is strong because there is very few stressors.

I have no desire to spend any of my time working for some one else..I am willing to give all my talents and education to my kids. Maybe when they leave for college, I'll go and get a job. For now, I am valuable at home and I want to give my time, love and education to my kids.

What a hilarious, self congratulatory post. Women like you who take all the credit for raising ‘high achieving children with no behavior problems ‘ really are something. I’m sure it’s all because of the excellent guidance that you provided them as an educated sahm! Of course doing chores is beneath someone of your caliber.

+1

This post is one of the best I've seen on DCUM! This SAHM is sitting around while her kids are at school, telling the maid that she missed a spot vacuuming, because she thinks she's too brilliant to work inside or outside of the home.

She gave them all the talent and education!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are WOHMs even commenting on this thread? Oh yeah - we know...

Drunk again on daddy’s martini?

Please go on. Very amusing.

[Anonymous]

I get lay staying home with the kids. It’s all so monotonous. My husband wonders why I don’t “accomplish,” “the projects.”

[Anonymous]

As a SAHM Mom my take is that I worked eight (8) hours and gave it my best and when DH
gets home and supper is served it becomes both on the clock equally. We gave each other time off and took in consideration extra stressful times but it was a 60%/60% give take situation. Every family has to work this out for themselves. But truth is Mom is usually going to end up doing more of the work unless she has a real special husband and sometimes there were things I didn’t want DH to do because I had my way of doing them and it fit into my system. Not because his way was wrong it just made the whole picture better for me. Blessings as you work thru this challenge of daily family life. It can make you or break you. And communication, planning and understanding are keys to success.

[Anonymous]

Finances and bills - Pretty much 50/50. I pay/manage the bills but he handles investments and stocks. We do our taxes together.

Planning vacations - usually I do this unless we are all tagging along on one of his work trips (which we often do) in which case he handles it.

Housework - I do all the dusting/cleaning surfaces, vacuuming, and mopping; most of the General tidying and organizing. He does all snow removal but I am usually the one to mow the lawn and I do all the gardening. We’re probably 50/50 on who takes out trash/recycling.

Cooking/clean-up - usually me but he does it sometimes on weekends

Laundry -almost always me though he does help on weekends

Education and kids extra-curriculars - I do all of this unless an extracurricular activity takes place in the evening or on a weekend which happens occasionally.

Kids medical - mostly me but we will both go to our kids’ dr’s appts together when he can manage it with his work schedule.

Home maintenance—mostly me though he does it occasionally. I’m more handy than he is

Hiring people - I do this but we always discuss it first.

Socialization - I do almost all of this except occasionally he’ll make plans for us to get together w one of his friends who has kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you seriously tell a nanny that she doesn’t work?

If someone asks where you work, would you really respond “at home, for the X family?”

You didn't answer the question.

No, taking care of your own children doesn’t mean you’re a nanny or that you’re working. Taking care of your own children isn’t a job. It’s why you aren’t paid.

Taking care of children is work that needs to be done by someone. It doesn’t matter if that someone is getting paid or not, it is still work that needs to be done.

If no one is doing the work of taking care of a family’s children, then someone will knock on the door and investigate that family for child neglect. Someone needs to do the work of childcare whether or not they get a paycheck for that work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you seriously tell a nanny that she doesn’t work?

If someone asks where you work, would you really respond “at home, for the X family?”

You didn't answer the question.

No, taking care of your own children doesn’t mean you’re a nanny or that you’re working. Taking care of your own children isn’t a job. It’s why you aren’t paid.

Taking care of children is work that needs to be done by someone. It doesn’t matter if that someone is getting paid or not, it is still work that needs to be done.

If no one is doing the work of taking care of a family’s children, then someone will knock on the door and investigate that family for child neglect. Someone needs to do the work of childcare whether or not they get a paycheck for that work.

What about paying your bills or doing the dishes? Is that work?