17 year old son planning on tricking us to spend night with gf -gf’s parents away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

No, I read criminal codes. I find that is a more effective way to determine what is legal.

OP's son's behavior is legal in all states except for Illinois, New York, and Wisconsin. If OP and her family live in Virginia, his conduct is currently lawful, but will be illegal when he turns 18.

And even in those states, the chance of prosecution would be exceedingly low, although then the fears/threats in this thread wouldn’t be completely unfounded.

They still wouldn’t prosecute because of the four year rule

But in those states there is no four year “rule.” There may be a practice not to charge in those circumstances and I agree the chance of prosecution is very low, but it isn’t completely inconceivable.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you sat in the car instead of ringing the doorbell and taking your son home. Or better yet, you should have sent your husband to do it. You are giving your son way too much control. He should be the one on eggshells around you and your husband, not the other way around.

And the girlfriend’s parents are idiots for leaving her overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No teen falls asleep at a friend's house at 11 pm, certainly not if boning his girlfriend is on the table. It bothers me more that he blew off his family trip after his siblings expressed how important it was to them.

I agree re the trip. That shouldn’t be his decision. You should have made him go as planned.

[Anonymous]

I’ve only been able to scan this but if this happened to us, my DH would be involved big way and we would have notified the girl’s parents upfront. And lying and deception was just not allowed in our family when kids were that age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

[Anonymous]

I'd send an anonymous message to the girl's parents that a car with the licence plate # was seen overnight in their driveway.

[Anonymous]

I realize this is done but for me the bigger issue here is all of this happening behind the other parents' back. Now that you know, and allowed it to happen, do you tell them? Do you make him (and her) tell them? Are you prepared for all hell to break loose when the find out what you knew and didn't stop it? Or if you find out they don't care?

This is why you should've called them before things got serious. Do you know the girlfriend's parents?

The summer before I went to college I had a family member get really sick and my parents needed to be away for 1 week. They asked me to stay at my best friend's house and I told them I'd much rather stay with my bf, whose house I spent more time at anyway and whose parents probably provided better supervision (and better food, etc...). My parents were reluctant, and in a tough spot, but ultimately talked with the other parents and agreed. I realize this is different because I was headed to college but honestly, it was no biggie. In fact, I recall spending single nights there a lot. Nothing more happened than what happened between 10am-10pm, and we didn't have to sneak around.

You should have called the parents to loop them in and take their temperature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of the posters with a son and daughter that mentioned statutory rape and really don’t care if it’s technically legal or not. I was thinking of DH and my reaction if we found out our teen daughter had her older BF sleep over when we were gone. Sure, maybe it wouldn’t be illegal but we’d try to make his life hell and hers. That’s what we’d be warning our son about. Angry parents.

I don’t know what we would do in your situation but I admire how calm you are being. I’m following for advice if we end up in a similar situation someday.

You can make your daughter’s life hell if you wish. But if you tried to make his hell for an entirely legal act, you would be the one facing charges for harassment.

Cool. One parents says an older boy took advantage of his DD. Another parent says his DS is being harassed and the slut wanted it. How do you think this plays out if the kids are in the same social circle or school?

Just because something is technically legal does not make it a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

But that is a wholly different issue than concerns about statutory rape that started this tangent.

Could a girl, after the fact, claim she didn’t consent? Sure, it is possible. But that wouldn’t be statutory rape and the age of those involved would be irrelevant. Are you going to tell your sons to never have intimate contact because someone could later claim rape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

Sorry. It could get ugly, but if the girl is 16 and the boy is 18 it is not illegal. And since the daughter willingly let him in, it isn't any kind of trespassing either. It's just arguably bad decision making or poor morals (I don't necessarily agree with this) and something to fight about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

Sorry. It could get ugly, but if the girl is 16 and the boy is 18 it is not illegal. And since the daughter willingly let him in, it isn't any kind of trespassing either. It's just arguably bad decision making or poor morals (I don't necessarily agree with this) and something to fight about.

This is atrocious legal advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was one of the posters with a son and daughter that mentioned statutory rape and really don’t care if it’s technically legal or not. I was thinking of DH and my reaction if we found out our teen daughter had her older BF sleep over when we were gone. Sure, maybe it wouldn’t be illegal but we’d try to make his life hell and hers. That’s what we’d be warning our son about. Angry parents.

I don’t know what we would do in your situation but I admire how calm you are being. I’m following for advice if we end up in a similar situation someday.

You can make your daughter’s life hell if you wish. But if you tried to make his hell for an entirely legal act, you would be the one facing charges for harassment.

Cool. One parents says an older boy took advantage of his DD. Another parent says his DS is being harassed and the slut wanted it. How do you think this plays out if the kids are in the same social circle or school?

Just because something is technically legal does not make it a good idea.

In that case, DD’s parents would be viewed as whack jobs for harassing a kid (and viewing any sexual activity by DD has “taking advantage of” and they could face actual legal jeopardy because what they would be doing is illegal. And DS’s parents wouldn’t say she was a slut and it is twisted of you to look at it this way.

You seem to have significant hang ups with female sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

Not at all. The cops are not gonna prosecute a boy they didn’t do anything illegal even if the parents bring it to their attention. The cops will recognize that you guys are psycho and tell you to go hit the road and don’t let the door hit your ass on your way out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

But that is a wholly different issue than concerns about statutory rape that started this tangent.

Could a girl, after the fact, claim she didn’t consent? Sure, it is possible. But that wouldn’t be statutory rape and the age of those involved would be irrelevant. Are you going to tell your sons to never have intimate contact because someone could later claim rape?

I’m saying a 17 year old boy spending the night in the home of a 15 year old girl whose parents haven’t consented is a problem waiting to happen. This sounds like a senior and a sophomore. And part of raising kids is helping them make good judgment calls. Even assuming no one can go to jail, is it a good idea? If the girl is caught and what is she going to say? What are her parents going to say? What rumors about your kid get spread through the community?

He is about to be 18. He needs to have a very clear understanding of the social and legal consequences. And he needs to go to college prepared to make smart decisions. Not just legal. Smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The posters citing concerns about statutory rape are almost certainly misguided. First, in many, if not most, states a 16 year old has reached the age of consent. Second, many states require there to be a significant age gap even if one party has not reached the broader age of consent. A 17 year old sleeping with a 16 year old would not realistically face legal consequences for consensual behavior.

This is not true. Don't you watch the news?

NP I think that when you look in to it, you will see that pp is right. In most states this would be a non issue. I can't speak for all states but I can't name even one where this would be a problem. But you can read up on it and let us know which state this would be a problem in.

Any state where mom and dad catch her and she says something went on with an older boy that she didn’t consent to. He doesn’t have to be convicted of anything for there to be problems. He just needs her parents to make a stink. I’m very feminist but really surprised more parents of sons aren’t concerned about Me Too in 2019 and talking to their kids about protecting themselves from “misunderstandings”. We are past “boys will be boys” in 2019.

Sorry. It could get ugly, but if the girl is 16 and the boy is 18 it is not illegal. And since the daughter willingly let him in, it isn't any kind of trespassing either. It's just arguably bad decision making or poor morals (I don't necessarily agree with this) and something to fight about.

This is atrocious legal advice.

How so? It seems completely accurate in all but a few states, including VA if the boy is 18 and not 17 in the OP.