17 year old son planning on tricking us to spend night with gf -gf’s parents away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is his car parked? His girlfriend's or the friend's? I would probably sit at the girlfriend's house and wait for him to come out.

His girlfriend’s house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m parked outside the friend’s house where his phone says he is and texted and called him and he hasn’t come out.
I think he’s at the gf’s house but left his phone here. I’ve been here for almost 3 hours.
Do I stay here or go to girlfriend’s house? If I go there he could say he just went to pick up his car and left his phone at friend’s house. If I stay at friend’s he will have to come here to pick up his phone and will have to explain why his phone is here and has been all night while he hasn’t.
But the question is should I stay here at all? I can’t ring the door bell because I don’t want to wake up friend’s parents. So short of catching him out why am I here?
I could go to gf’s house and ring the bell since her parents are not there but she could say my son is not there and he could nip to friend’s house, get his phone and go to gf’s house as if that was the plan all along.

The question still is-am I acting like a normal rational woman? Should I just go home and wait for him and dish out the punishment? What purpose will catching him in the act serve?
I’m so confused.

I would just go home and talk to him in the morning. I think you’ve lost perspective and just want to catch him if you stay. He’s not doing anything dangerous- just lying about his location.

[Anonymous]

What are you accomplishing by waiting outside for hours? You know he lied. Just confront him with that when he comes home. If he denies it, just stand firm that you know he’s lying. You don’t have to catch him in the act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you accomplishing by waiting outside for hours? You know he lied. Just confront him with that when he comes home. If he denies it, just stand firm that you know he’s lying. You don’t have to catch him in the act.

That’s what I’m asking myself, op

[Anonymous]

Is he going to college in September? I mean at that point there are no more rules for this type of thing anyway .... I wouldn’t be thrilled about the lying and deceit, but I also recognize he’s practically an adult and almost old
Enough to fight in a war ... and I’d want to preserve my
Relationship with him prior to college.

[Anonymous]

YOu need another adult but I would take the car and bring it home. Let him figure out how to explain that one to you when he thinks its been stolen from where he wasnt supposed to be.

Do you have the girlfriends parents numbers? I would have contacted them before they left and checked in with them.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I came home. I will taken the car keys and his card for lying and ignoring texts for 2 weeks and I will ground him for NYE.

This is just one of many things he’s done in the past 6 months that have confounded us and this is not the worst. I want to maintain my relationship with him but it’s not too late to teach him to respect rules while he’s under our roof and while we will be paying almost $60k per year in tuition (plus goodness knows for room and board and living) for the next 4 years for him plus whatever post grad will be. I think he’s had life too easy.
It’s sad because he really has been such a good boy until now and an excellent scholar. I don’t know what’s become of him but it’s not good. He just does not seem to care about anything anymore. It’s so unlike him that I just don’t know how to deal with it. How do you start imposing consequences at 17?
I don’t know. I know I sound over emotional but the extent to which his behavior has changed, even though it may not seem that terrible to most people (no drugs and such) , is really marked.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are doing a great job. You are nearing the end of time that you can still try to course correct his actions.

Take a nap. Talk to him later about all this stuff. Try to stay calm. People are much more affected by seeing they have disappointed someone than they are from an angry person as anger is often responded to with anger.

Follow through with your punishments.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need to catch him in the act. You know he’s lying and hatching schemes. Tell him you’re concerned about him to the point that you were going to call his girlfriends parents, and may still do that. Don’t tell him that you waited outside the house for 3 hours. Teens will think that is stalkerish. Just tell him that you are very hurt when you know you’re being lied to and there are consequences for that (grounding and anything else you can think of).

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the purpose of sitting outside his friend’s house for three hours waiting to see if he’d come out when you knew he was at his girlfriend’s house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you accomplishing by waiting outside for hours? You know he lied. Just confront him with that when he comes home. If he denies it, just stand firm that you know he’s lying. You don’t have to catch him in the act.

Knock on the door or go home. Sitting outside is crazy.

[Anonymous]

My kids are younger, so this is a sincere question, not a judgmental one. Aren’t teens supposed to rebel? Isn’t it part of growing up and gaining independence? I know we won’t like it, I know it means risky behavior, but isn’t it part of the process? We lied to our parents, we snuck out sometimes. And I was a “good” kid! I do think at 17 it’s important to give a little more leeway. But my oldest is 12, so I’m not there yet...I may be eating my words in 2025...

[Anonymous]

Update please, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update please, OP!

She updated at 6:35. probably no updates for a while

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP. Not sure what I would do in this case.

My DH is saying he would get the spare keys to DS's car, drive it home and talk to DS in the morning.