17 year old son planning on tricking us to spend night with gf -gf’s parents away

[Anonymous]

OP, you said your son had a mysterious glitch with his phone right before the planned sleep over, and had to set up his account, etc. from scratch. He probably wiped his phone clean right before the sleep over because he wanted to erase all content before handing the phone over to his friend for the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DS is a senior in high school. Yeah, he’s lying to you. In college, he likely won’t tell you anything at all so he won’t have to lie to you. Just a bad dynamic that is just a prelude to how you will relate to him as an adult.

Disagree. I mean come on, did you know ANYONE that told their parents about their sex lives in college. It's rare. It doesn't mean they won't be close. The idea that having a teenager be angry at a parent for setting boundaries while they are minors and living at home and being taken care of is guaranteed to lead to a strained adult relationship is ridiculous to me. All teenagers I knew pushed back. All parents didn't roll over. The vast majority have loving adult family relationships.

Depends on the relationship. I am not close to my parents as an adult because I know they will fly off the handle and make whatever I confide in them into “Big Drama”, and make whatever issue/problem a hundred times worse by their reaction: Better not to tell them or ask their advice at all since then I only have to deal with the problem and not my parents reaction + problem. Some people are not supportive at all and make things worse by their attitude like everything is about them.

This made me lol. 100% this. Depends on the parents. Be the kind who your kids want to talk to. For what it is worth, I would have had a much bigger problem with the family vacation issue than the overnight stay. The overnight stay was lying, and I would have told the girlfriend’s parents. But if the set up was different, I would have had a real conversation about being safe. Once they’re having sex, they’re going to continue on. And 17 isn’t that young. But the vacation issue was very disrespectful of everyone in the family.

It also seems like OP may be a parent who generally overreacts and so her son lies regularly to her. I used to do nothing bad as a kid but I lied all. The. Time. Because it was not worth it, ever. Lie about whose house I went to because they didn’t like my friend randomly. Lie about the time of the movie because they didn’t like me out late. Lie about when tests were because they were on my case about studying even though I got straight As. I talk to my parents often now but it is always surface. Told them about my to be husband two years after I met him. Tell them I’m going to grad school after I get in. Starting a new career after i start it. I would be really sad if my kids only talked to me about what foods they ate and what their kids did. Don’t be that parent. I know it makes my parents sad but I can’t handle the stress of letting them in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DS is a senior in high school. Yeah, he’s lying to you. In college, he likely won’t tell you anything at all so he won’t have to lie to you. Just a bad dynamic that is just a prelude to how you will relate to him as an adult.

Disagree. I mean come on, did you know ANYONE that told their parents about their sex lives in college. It's rare. It doesn't mean they won't be close. The idea that having a teenager be angry at a parent for setting boundaries while they are minors and living at home and being taken care of is guaranteed to lead to a strained adult relationship is ridiculous to me. All teenagers I knew pushed back. All parents didn't roll over. The vast majority have loving adult family relationships.

Depends on the relationship. I am not close to my parents as an adult because I know they will fly off the handle and make whatever I confide in them into “Big Drama”, and make whatever issue/problem a hundred times worse by their reaction: Better not to tell them or ask their advice at all since then I only have to deal with the problem and not my parents reaction + problem. Some people are not supportive at all and make things worse by their attitude like everything is about them.

This made me lol. 100% this. Depends on the parents. Be the kind who your kids want to talk to. For what it is worth, I would have had a much bigger problem with the family vacation issue than the overnight stay. The overnight stay was lying, and I would have told the girlfriend’s parents. But if the set up was different, I would have had a real conversation about being safe. Once they’re having sex, they’re going to continue on. And 17 isn’t that young. But the vacation issue was very disrespectful of everyone in the family.

It also seems like OP may be a parent who generally overreacts and so her son lies regularly to her. I used to do nothing bad as a kid but I lied all. The. Time. Because it was not worth it, ever. Lie about whose house I went to because they didn’t like my friend randomly. Lie about the time of the movie because they didn’t like me out late. Lie about when tests were because they were on my case about studying even though I got straight As. I talk to my parents often now but it is always surface. Told them about my to be husband two years after I met him. Tell them I’m going to grad school after I get in. Starting a new career after i start it. I would be really sad if my kids only talked to me about what foods they ate and what their kids did. Don’t be that parent. I know it makes my parents sad but I can’t handle the stress of letting them in.

You sound like a really smart person. I wish I'd taken this road with my overly dramatic, randomly hating friends etc parents. Jesus. I'm 50 and I am still dealing with one of them.

[Anonymous]

Cut the drama he’s growing up the lying wasn’t good but you can’t prevent him from having sex. He will be having plenty of sleepovers in a few months at college. The vacation- that was completely not ok and his punishment should have been being grounded for the break period. I would have made no uncertain terms that his refusal to go was completely unacceptable and grounding , phone or car etc privileges would’ve been taken away for quite some time. He’s ruling the roost and your other kids are seeing it. Get a parent coach - Pat Harvey is very good - or you’ll have issues with your other kids too.

[Anonymous]

I have one East teen and one rule breaking teen I can say the saving grace has been not freaking out, being a little lenient and flexible , and bring the kind of parent that doesn’t freak out and that they can talk to. Example apparently some kids were drinking in my basement the other night, my son was scared one of his friends was insisting on driving home. He woke me up and I took the kids keys and said you’re sleeping here or ubering home or I can drive you. I didn’t punish my son for kids having a few beers , I told him I don’t like them drinking but that the important thing is safety and he did the right thing. My kids are well aware of our views and morals but they also know I’m not going to go crazy when stuff happens. They talk to me about a lot and I am thankful for it.

[Anonymous]

Easy not East

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have changed a family vacation plan (I also presume there may have been money involved/lost here but we didn't get the details) on the whim of a teenager at the last minute. Especially right before they go off to college next year AKA this could be one of our last family trips before you leave. Of course they don't want to go, they never want to go.

The end. Nothing else here would've happened.


That being said, I would've called the girls parents once I found out because they thought she was sleeping elsewhere and their plan wasn't to leave her home alone. Then I would've told him I saw his texts due to the password glitch situation and if he gave me crap for seeing texts that I should'nt have because of his own doing, I would've had him stay home that night for being a jerk to me. I don't think there is anything wrong with telling a teen that you want to be respected in your home when you are paying their ride, even if the kid is leaving for college in the fall. Raise good humans, respectful ones. Have rational, calm conversations with them and don't let them twist your words or berate you to get what they want. Plenty of teens have sex during the day, there was no need for all of this nonsense or fake sleepovers etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one East teen and one rule breaking teen I can say the saving grace has been not freaking out, being a little lenient and flexible , and bring the kind of parent that doesn’t freak out and that they can talk to. Example apparently some kids were drinking in my basement the other night, my son was scared one of his friends was insisting on driving home. He woke me up and I took the kids keys and said you’re sleeping here or ubering home or I can drive you. I didn’t punish my son for kids having a few beers , I told him I don’t like them drinking but that the important thing is safety and he did the right thing. My kids are well aware of our views and morals but they also know I’m not going to go crazy when stuff happens. They talk to me about a lot and I am thankful for it.

Love this! Great parenting. Your kid trusted the relationship with you and came to you before something seriously bad happen. Nice job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DS is a senior in high school. Yeah, he’s lying to you. In college, he likely won’t tell you anything at all so he won’t have to lie to you. Just a bad dynamic that is just a prelude to how you will relate to him as an adult.

Disagree. I mean come on, did you know ANYONE that told their parents about their sex lives in college. It's rare. It doesn't mean they won't be close. The idea that having a teenager be angry at a parent for setting boundaries while they are minors and living at home and being taken care of is guaranteed to lead to a strained adult relationship is ridiculous to me. All teenagers I knew pushed back. All parents didn't roll over. The vast majority have loving adult family relationships.

Me! And several of my friends talked to my mom, because her theory was that every teen/young adult she counseled was hopefully one less unwanted baby, abortion or std. Of course, my mom had no objection to answering any question I had, no matter what it was, no matter how old I was.

Great! Did iPhone talk to your dad about it too? Op has a son we’re discussing. Your situation is not comparable

[Anonymous]

Sorry that’s did you talk to your dad