Why do some women choose to be a sidepiece?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex tells his girlfriends he is still married. There is something special about a side piece, the low expectations .... the ability to see them once a month or once a week or every day if you decide. Their inability to ask for what they want because they don’t think they deserve it.

Or because they don’t want what you think they want.

You think you are independent and in control but you’ll find out in therapy years later you were simply insecure.

No I’m not a wife, I’ve just watch a dozen of my friends do the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

They cant handle being 1st.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

They cant handle being 1st.

As I noted earlier, they don't want the emotional heavy lifting. This is all the relationship they are capable of and it works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a side piece. Part self esteem issues. Part anger issues (AP is my side piece). Part sexual attraction. Part gullible. Part wishful thinking. Part pure selfishness.

So you don't care that he's intimate with his wife or SO or anybody else?

uh, the PP said the AP was her side piece...i.e., she's married and cheating in her spouse. the guy/AP could be single, not that it matters at all.

He's married (thus I'm his side piece). I'm married (thus he's my side piece).

He is not having sex with his wife. I am having sex with my husband. AP knows this, so I don't think there is any reason for him to lie about him having/not having sex with his wife.

You believe the guy who lies to his family every day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. So a serious question for the women AP’s: are there any traits you see in men who will cheat on their spouses vs. divorcing? I guess are there certain traits/ careers/ mindset that you find common in those men? Again, if they are unhappy in a marriage, they can divorce and so just trying to see if there’s any way to identify those men in advance.

They actually have a sense of duty, love their kids and respect their wives for what they bring to the table. They know they have it good with the only part that’s missing being sex, or enough sex. I’ve had men telling me upfront that do not intend to leave their wives ever.

I think you have accepted that men do this and are fine with it and so can see that cheating is not a big deal. For some of us, it is a big deal and so would find it hard to accept. I think this difference in mindset is what you are seeing play out on this thread. I don’t think the blame should be yours because it’s the husband’s fault.

As others have mentioned in this thread, many men cheat because of the excitement that this type of relationship brings. That would be hard to replicate in a marriage and so what many men say about not enough/good sex could be a red herring. Also, your description of those men as having sense of duty and respect for their wives seems in contrast to the way many of us would see it as antithesis to our views about trust and respect.

Would you be ok if your husband ever cheated on you (if you were to get married)? How would you screen for men who would be prone to this type of behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

They cant handle being 1st.

As I noted earlier, they don't want the emotional heavy lifting. This is all the relationship they are capable of and it works for them.

Yes. We agree. They are damaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a side piece. Part self esteem issues. Part anger issues (AP is my side piece). Part sexual attraction. Part gullible. Part wishful thinking. Part pure selfishness.

So you don't care that he's intimate with his wife or SO or anybody else?

uh, the PP said the AP was her side piece...i.e., she's married and cheating in her spouse. the guy/AP could be single, not that it matters at all.

He's married (thus I'm his side piece). I'm married (thus he's my side piece).

He is not having sex with his wife. I am having sex with my husband. AP knows this, so I don't think there is any reason for him to lie about him having/not having sex with his wife.

You believe the guy who lies to his family every day?

Who cares really? What would it matter so long as the mutual side pieces are continuing their side-piecing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a side piece. Part self esteem issues. Part anger issues (AP is my side piece). Part sexual attraction. Part gullible. Part wishful thinking. Part pure selfishness.

So you don't care that he's intimate with his wife or SO or anybody else?

uh, the PP said the AP was her side piece...i.e., she's married and cheating in her spouse. the guy/AP could be single, not that it matters at all.

He's married (thus I'm his side piece). I'm married (thus he's my side piece).

He is not having sex with his wife. I am having sex with my husband. AP knows this, so I don't think there is any reason for him to lie about him having/not having sex with his wife.

You believe the guy who lies to his family every day?

Who cares really? What would it matter so long as the mutual side pieces are continuing their side-piecing.

Its illogical but they care. They care when they get blown off to be with the wife, they care when he has a 2nd side piece, they care when he is too busy with the kids, they care when he ghosts them. They think they are different and use the “I don’t care” to shield their feelings but they care because they know nobody wants them full time. (So they have to pretend it’s their choice)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a side piece. Part self esteem issues. Part anger issues (AP is my side piece). Part sexual attraction. Part gullible. Part wishful thinking. Part pure selfishness.

So you don't care that he's intimate with his wife or SO or anybody else?

uh, the PP said the AP was her side piece...i.e., she's married and cheating in her spouse. the guy/AP could be single, not that it matters at all.

He's married (thus I'm his side piece). I'm married (thus he's my side piece).

He is not having sex with his wife. I am having sex with my husband. AP knows this, so I don't think there is any reason for him to lie about him having/not having sex with his wife.

My ex-husband's AP thought the same thing. When I told her we were having sex often she laughed and didn't believe me. It was the most insane conversation that this woman didn't believe I was actually having sex with my own damn husband. Sidepieces are so damn gullible.

[Anonymous]

My friend wanted a second child and didn’t want an anonymous sperm donor or a coparent. Her child’s father lives hours away. Once or twice a year, he books an extra day on the end of a business trip and visits them. He treats both kids like an uncle. He is not on the BC and was relieved to not be asked to pay child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a side piece. Part self esteem issues. Part anger issues (AP is my side piece). Part sexual attraction. Part gullible. Part wishful thinking. Part pure selfishness.

So you don't care that he's intimate with his wife or SO or anybody else?

uh, the PP said the AP was her side piece...i.e., she's married and cheating in her spouse. the guy/AP could be single, not that it matters at all.

He's married (thus I'm his side piece). I'm married (thus he's my side piece).

He is not having sex with his wife. I am having sex with my husband. AP knows this, so I don't think there is any reason for him to lie about him having/not having sex with his wife.

My ex-husband's AP thought the same thing. When I told her we were having sex often she laughed and didn't believe me. It was the most insane conversation that this woman didn't believe I was actually having sex with my own damn husband. Sidepieces are so damn gullible.

Did you continue having sex with him after you found out about his ap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels good to be desired. Someone is so into you that they are willing to risk it all. Excitement, lust, being chosen sexually over someone else.

All the good parts without any of the baggage.

You realise a cheater will also go for other women as well. It's just that you believed what he told you. I've known a few men that have cheated and the lies are unbelievable. They will tell you whatever you need to hear to get you into bed. It isn't real and you haven't been chosen sexually, you were just the one he could get into bed. He will also go to bed with other women if he has the chance.

I've known two women who ended their marriage for their AP, the man who they felt so desired by and thought he was so into them, when they actually left the marriage, the guy was running so fast he left skid marks on the carpet on his way out. The women are now single after their husbands divorced them. AP no where in sight.

And no I haven't been cheated on in my marriage. I just find it amusing when women believe what they are told, players play.

Players play for one reason: most women LIKE to be played. This is how it works. You do your part, I do mine.

Correction, damaged women like to be played. They think it's hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

They cant handle being 1st.

As I noted earlier, they don't want the emotional heavy lifting. This is all the relationship they are capable of and it works for them.

Yes. We agree. They are damaged.

Eh, we know what we want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1

He chose his wife.
He didn’t choose you and he never will.

I’m good with that.

I can’t imagine having so little confidence that it wouldn’t bother me to always be someone’s second choice / never their priority. I deserve better. YMMV.

They cant handle being 1st.

As I noted earlier, they don't want the emotional heavy lifting. This is all the relationship they are capable of and it works for them.

Yes. We agree. They are damaged.

Eh, we know what we want

Its sad but you don’t.

[Anonymous]

The wining and dining are also pretty fun. I have a very nice collection of some fine wines.