Why do some women choose to be a sidepiece?

[Anonymous]

Insanely hot sex with a handsome and successful man. He was kind and thoughtful and extremely eager to please. Fancy hotel rooms on business trips and authentic connections.

I have moved on from it but no regrets, no one found out and apparently I was doing the "work" his wife had no interest in. Pity her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels good to be desired. Someone is so into you that they are willing to risk it all. Excitement, lust, being chosen sexually over someone else.

All the good parts without any of the baggage.

You realise a cheater will also go for other women as well. It's just that you believed what he told you. I've known a few men that have cheated and the lies are unbelievable. They will tell you whatever you need to hear to get you into bed. It isn't real and you haven't been chosen sexually, you were just the one he could get into bed. He will also go to bed with other women if he has the chance.

I've known two women who ended their marriage for their AP, the man who they felt so desired by and thought he was so into them, when they actually left the marriage, the guy was running so fast he left skid marks on the carpet on his way out. The women are now single after their husbands divorced them. AP no where in sight.

And no I haven't been cheated on in my marriage. I just find it amusing when women believe what they are told, players play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the oldest fights on DCUM - threatened wives who cannot bear the thought of betrayal. Etc. There are no guarantees in life, even in marriage. All the projecting and accusations just reveal immaturity, not superior moral propriety.

Threatened wives, ha ha, tables have turned, I know more wives that are cheating than husbands, in fact I know of no husbands cheating in my social circles at the moment but I know of plenty of wives. In fact there are so many wives blowing up their marriages it's actually a little surprising. Women are hunting down that D more aggressively than men ever did for an AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

I don’t see where the PP said she was proud. She just said she enjoyed it. Two totally different things. You’re trying to assign morals to something that for many people is just a bit of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

I don’t see where the PP said she was proud. She just said she enjoyed it. Two totally different things. You’re trying to assign morals to something that for many people is just a bit of fun.

Bit of fun for the two people doing it. Not so much fun for the spouse at home whose life is being wasted with a liar. I knew a couple older man and women. She had stayed at home to raise their two children whilst he worked. In was back in that era when women didn't work, they raised the family. They got to retirement age when he could finally be himself, the kids had left home so he left her to go be with his boyfriend.

It wasn't acceptable for him to have a boyfriend in his career, not like now. So she wasted a whole life for a facade and now at retirement when they should be about to go on vacations and spend time with grandchildren, she is alone, starting over.

The young female in our office mid 30's who has admitted to sleeping with married men is now in a committed relationship, a man she wants to marry and who she loves. I laugh because now she feels HER relationship is so important she doesn't want any other female coming along to ruin it. These women think it's ok when it's other people's relationships but their relationship is so different.

[Anonymous]

Most important takeaway curious wives/husbands: Every Sidepiece situation is different.

If the married one is a sex addict and possible narcissist/liar, this may present different considerations than an AP who encounters their married lover in an intense work situation, or a married person who may have always been fundamentally incompatible with their marriage partner.

Gotta look at your own partner, their motivations and issues, and evaluate accordingly. For the sidepiece, the relationship is not about the partner being married or unmarried; it’s how they are treated within the confines of the arrangement.

The time I was an AP, the married person lamented about their separation and all the issues she was having with him. I knew he was exaggerating blame possibly (as he was having obvious financial problems ). I really didn’t care about that at the time. I’d just come out of an abusive relationship so he was the bridge for positive attention and intimacy on my end.

It is the married persons responsibility to honor their marriage, not the APs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

I don’t see where the PP said she was proud. She just said she enjoyed it. Two totally different things. You’re trying to assign morals to something that for many people is just a bit of fun.

Bit of fun for the two people doing it. Not so much fun for the spouse at home whose life is being wasted with a liar. I knew a couple older man and women. She had stayed at home to raise their two children whilst he worked. In was back in that era when women didn't work, they raised the family. They got to retirement age when he could finally be himself, the kids had left home so he left her to go be with his boyfriend.

It wasn't acceptable for him to have a boyfriend in his career, not like now. So she wasted a whole life for a facade and now at retirement when they should be about to go on vacations and spend time with grandchildren, she is alone, starting over.

The young female in our office mid 30's who has admitted to sleeping with married men is now in a committed relationship, a man she wants to marry and who she loves. I laugh because now she feels HER relationship is so important she doesn't want any other female coming along to ruin it. These women think it's ok when it's other people's relationships but their relationship is so different.

Yes, but that’s really not my concern.

[Anonymous]

For my AP, we're each other's "drug". We meet 2x a year when I'm traveling and I fly her in (we live in different countries). Just for 2-3 days at a time. It's an intense weekend and lots of fun for both of us... then back to our respective realities.

[Anonymous]

My DH had left me for another woman he was cheating on me with. I ran into a friend I hadn't seen I years, yes he was married and I recognize the hypocrisy, but he was handsome and charming and I pursued him. Sex was amazing, the companionship essential and he was a bridge to get my confidence back.

We hurt no one and no one found out. He got a chance at passion again, he claims his wife lost interest on sex and I have no reason to doubt him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

I don’t see where the PP said she was proud. She just said she enjoyed it. Two totally different things. You’re trying to assign morals to something that for many people is just a bit of fun.

Bit of fun for the two people doing it. Not so much fun for the spouse at home whose life is being wasted with a liar. I knew a couple older man and women. She had stayed at home to raise their two children whilst he worked. In was back in that era when women didn't work, they raised the family. They got to retirement age when he could finally be himself, the kids had left home so he left her to go be with his boyfriend.

It wasn't acceptable for him to have a boyfriend in his career, not like now. So she wasted a whole life for a facade and now at retirement when they should be about to go on vacations and spend time with grandchildren, she is alone, starting over.

The young female in our office mid 30's who has admitted to sleeping with married men is now in a committed relationship, a man she wants to marry and who she loves. I laugh because now she feels HER relationship is so important she doesn't want any other female coming along to ruin it. These women think it's ok when it's other people's relationships but their relationship is so different.

Yes, but that’s really not my concern.

No it isn't your concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insanely hot sex with a handsome and successful man. He was kind and thoughtful and extremely eager to please. Fancy hotel rooms on business trips and authentic connections.

I have moved on from it but no regrets, no one found out and apparently I was doing the "work" his wife had no interest in. Pity her.

Interesting. My cheating spouse is not particularly handsome or successful, is not thoughtful, and is not great in bed. I think some side pieces are really just that desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

I don’t see where the PP said she was proud. She just said she enjoyed it. Two totally different things. You’re trying to assign morals to something that for many people is just a bit of fun.

Bit of fun for the two people doing it. Not so much fun for the spouse at home whose life is being wasted with a liar. I knew a couple older man and women. She had stayed at home to raise their two children whilst he worked. In was back in that era when women didn't work, they raised the family. They got to retirement age when he could finally be himself, the kids had left home so he left her to go be with his boyfriend.

It wasn't acceptable for him to have a boyfriend in his career, not like now. So she wasted a whole life for a facade and now at retirement when they should be about to go on vacations and spend time with grandchildren, she is alone, starting over.

The young female in our office mid 30's who has admitted to sleeping with married men is now in a committed relationship, a man she wants to marry and who she loves. I laugh because now she feels HER relationship is so important she doesn't want any other female coming along to ruin it. These women think it's ok when it's other people's relationships but their relationship is so different.

There are a lot of dumb, selfish people out there who are completeky lacking in perspective, insight, self reflection...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like these posts really peak around the holidays.are people just slippy about their affairs around Christmas?

OW are a mess this week. Year after year after year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like these posts really peak around the holidays.are people just slippy about their affairs around Christmas?

OW are a mess this week. Year after year after year.

Yup. It’s when they realize they’re always someone’s second choice. Who wants to live like that?