Why do some women choose to be a sidepiece?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please try to be polite and stop calling calling names.

If you go through life not caring about other people's feelings, such as these OW have clearly stated they don't care about the wife or kids, they have stated it isn't their business to worry about their feelings, they just want D why should people care about their feelings in return.

Well if they don't care for other people's feelings no one really has to care about their feelings either. If the OW don't show respect for others, then we don't need to respect them.

You can't have it both ways. If you treat people like crap chances are people will treat you like crap in return.

No I can't take these women seriously and not because I am an insecure wife. It's because I could never hurt others like these women do. I would hate myself if I walked around so self absorbed that I knowingly did things to hurt others and cause pain to others.

We are all different, these women truly don't care who they hurt, they are proud of it. They can't see the benefit in being kind to strangers and that says a lot about them and their way of thinking. They will hurt a lot of people not just families throughout their lives. That is hard to respect.

For the poster who cheated and ended up with the man because he was in an abusive relationship I do think these stories are different. If a spouse is treated horribly and they meet someone loving and kind then I am often happy for them.

But nobody here had treated the individuals who are calling names badly. The question was asked, people answered, and then the name callers came out to insult-attack others. I think it is unnecessary. I don't see that anybody is trying to hurt others, nor do I see how they are hurting anybody on this board, so no insults or retaliation is necessary or justified.

The seed that is planted doesn’t always get to choose where it’s bloom will sprout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to be with them in public / settle down with them / have kids with them. So they take others’ scraps and then brag about how good they have it, lol

I’m very sorry you were cheated on and still carry this baggage with you. I suggest therapy to address the bitterness.

I’m sorry your AP has with his wife right now

I don’t have an AP, I am happily married. I stand by my suggestion of therapy. It’s no fun going through life bitter and mean.

It’s not bitter and mean to tell somebody the truth. Fact is there are certain girls that are side piece and men don’t want to be seen with them in public. As soon as they’re caught they dump them and find somebody they wanna to spend their time with.

Is your girdle too tight?

Did that post hit too close to home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

[Anonymous]

My gorgeous and fit mother dated successful married men after she and my father divorced in the 80s. In retrospect, I think it was probably a combo of her poor judgment and it's not super easy to meet successful single men in your 40s and 50s. She never remarried. She passed away in 2017.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

Refreshingly honest answer. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please try to be polite and stop calling calling names.

If you go through life not caring about other people's feelings, such as these OW have clearly stated they don't care about the wife or kids, they have stated it isn't their business to worry about their feelings, they just want D why should people care about their feelings in return.

Well if they don't care for other people's feelings no one really has to care about their feelings either. If the OW don't show respect for others, then we don't need to respect them.

You can't have it both ways. If you treat people like crap chances are people will treat you like crap in return.

No I can't take these women seriously and not because I am an insecure wife. It's because I could never hurt others like these women do. I would hate myself if I walked around so self absorbed that I knowingly did things to hurt others and cause pain to others.

We are all different, these women truly don't care who they hurt, they are proud of it. They can't see the benefit in being kind to strangers and that says a lot about them and their way of thinking. They will hurt a lot of people not just families throughout their lives. That is hard to respect.

For the poster who cheated and ended up with the man because he was in an abusive relationship I do think these stories are different. If a spouse is treated horribly and they meet someone loving and kind then I am often happy for them.

But nobody here had treated the individuals who are calling names badly. The question was asked, people answered, and then the name callers came out to insult-attack others. I think it is unnecessary. I don't see that anybody is trying to hurt others, nor do I see how they are hurting anybody on this board, so no insults or retaliation is necessary or justified.

The seed that is planted doesn’t always get to choose where it’s bloom will sprout.

Well, then, I guess all of the people who are excessively rude here should watch out? People can disapprove and disagree with somebody without calling names. No reason to attack people here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I wanted the sex but not the commitment. This made it easier.

Yes but you can get that with many single men. Why risk a wife who will come after you or show up at your job?

I recently read the Jennair Geradot case, the AP continued after she was showing unhealthy signs. Got the AP fired and ended up shooting her.

A guy who has a wife and family shouldn't even be on the menu, or a consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

Yep. Basically all of the above which translates they are damaged goods in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

Yep. Basically all of the above which translates they are damaged goods in some way.

The real damaged goods are the cheating spouses. My Step-Mother was the OW and the person principally responsible for cheating was my Father, not her. If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The wining and dining are also pretty fun. I have a very nice collection of some fine wines.

You know there’s literally a word for selling sex for expensive stuff right?

Wine this gets funnier by the post, so cheap, is that all it takes. He scored with this one.

Seriously. I was the OW for a very brief period (I didn't know and broke up with him as soon as I found out) and he gifted me david yurman pave diamonds earrings and a tiffany t bracelet.

How very basic.

Reminds me of a SAHW.... kept by her “man”. I have never cheated or been an AP but men buying things and taking care of women is as old as time. I personally don’t buy into it and will be keeping my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

Yep. Basically all of the above which translates they are damaged goods in some way.

Agree, so broken. Honest, but very sad. The problem is just because you're damanged/broken, doesn't mean you should participate in something that hurts other women and children.

But also agree that the worst person is the cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

Yep. Basically all of the above which translates they are damaged goods in some way.

The real damaged goods are the cheating spouses. My Step-Mother was the OW and the person principally responsible for cheating was my Father, not her. If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else.

The damaged goods are the cheaters obviously, and the co-cheater. In your case the no good OW - who sadly became your step mother.

[Anonymous]

A couple of times within a short period of time I slept with two men in relationships (one in a LTR, one married). My life was a shambles, I had low self-esteem, and I was horny. I never did it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it low self-esteem? Trauma? Are they just gullible to the "my wife won't do xyz" crap? Why would any woman willfully choose to share a man?

We choose to be a side piece for several reasons: we either don’t want a traditional relationship, and solely seek physical intimacy; we choose to settle for less than we deserve, because at least we’ll be desired; or we’re not okay with being the side piece, but we convince ourselves this is fine.

Yep. Basically all of the above which translates they are damaged goods in some way.

Agree, so broken. Honest, but very sad. The problem is just because you're damanged/broken, doesn't mean you should participate in something that hurts other women and children.

But also agree that the worst person is the cheating spouse.

First post on this thread - thanks to those who answered honestly. There is honor in that.

I have been married for 30 years. I can see why it is not for everyone.

I think that we are all broken in some way. However, I refused many times to be a side piece before and after marriage mostly because I could not bear the thought of hurting another woman or messing up a family. This was especially true of friends whose husbands/ boyfriends were hitting on me without their knowledge. I never told them about the unwanted advances of their partners because I am well aware that many women are far quicker to blame women whom their partners are attracted to rather than their own cheating spouse.

For me, another element to this sensitive subject is that intimacy is sacred. I think people (both male and female) expose themselves to great personal spiritual harm by becoming physically intimate with people whom they do have great affection for. That does not mean that I have the right to judge others for their choices but just to be aware of one’s own personal boundaries.

[Anonymous]

What happens in the dark will come to the light.