How do resolve - husband I disagree over childcare

[Anonymous]

If you have nannies, nurses, housekeepers etc around the clock, what does Op do? Just leave the house and lunch and yoga and go tanning? If you have outsourced every part of your SAH role then you aren't really a SAHM.

I can get why a DH is frustrated that she only sees him as a paycheck to outsource all areas of anything that would involve her doing any form of work or contributing the the household. What if he decided he didn't want to do anything either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I nursed both kids and my husband got up maybe 3 times in the first year for each kid. I work outside the home.

If I had money to throw at things I would not want help with the kids. I would have a chef, a trainer who came to the house, I’d have hair and nails come to the house, daily or 2-3x a week cleaning. I would just hang with my kids.

Yes, that's what I would have done also! I'd outsource everything EXCEPT care of my kids-I wish I had more time for them.

[Anonymous]

NP. I'm really surprised by the number of people who seem stuck on the 24/7 part.

People, that's what a "baby nurse" is/does. It's a thing. Look it up.

You can hire people to do less of course but if you want someone good, you'll get a certified baby nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I'm really surprised by the number of people who seem stuck on the 24/7 part.

People, that's what a "baby nurse" is/does. It's a thing. Look it up.

You can hire people to do less of course but if you want someone good, you'll get a certified baby nurse.

^ and just because the baby nurse is in the house somewhere doesn't mean Mom can't hang with the baby whenever she wants.

Basically, that's what it's for. It's to enable you to do what you want, when you want because there is always someone there in the background.

[Anonymous]

You guys know that the vast majority of rich people and celebrities get baby nurses right?

[Anonymous]

There's tons of space between 24/7 help for three months and zero help. Sure, get a 24/7 baby nurse until you're physically recovered and can get a routine going with the baby. That sounds very reasonable. From there, most agree that it's helpful to have some help during the day so you aren't alone with two kids with different needs all day, every day. I'd probably want this person to be a nanny who could take the older one to the playground while I napped or fed the baby. I had sleepy infants, so I'd play with the older one when the baby was napping.

Personally I wouldn't find a night nanny to be very helpful since I nursed (so I would still need to be awake) and had pretty good sleepers, but you could play this by ear. I found that the option for a nap when the toddler napped was enough to keep me feeling pretty good. The nanny could take the baby during that window, if the baby isn't also napping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys know that the vast majority of rich people and celebrities get baby nurses right?

They’re not SAH parents, they don’t work traditional hours, and they have to travel for extended periods for work. The ones you’re talking about...do they make less than $800k/year? Do their children have normal childhoods? Can they take their kids out in public without paparazzi taking pictures of their kids?

What does their experience have to do with OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys know that the vast majority of rich people and celebrities get baby nurses right?

They’re not SAH parents, they don’t work traditional hours, and they have to travel for extended periods for work. The ones you’re talking about...do they make less than $800k/year? Do their children have normal childhoods? Can they take their kids out in public without paparazzi taking pictures of their kids?

What does their experience have to do with OP?

Because you're all acting like you've never heard of such a thing.

Coming from Manhattan, this is blowing my mind. Seriously, everyone with HHI 500k + has a baby nurse. It's just what you do.

They're especially good for first time parents who don't know what they're doing and are anxious. They help put the baby on a good sleep schedule. That's why you only get one for 3 months. Baby should be STTN by then. Baby nurse can get it done because she teaches baby to self soothe in between feedings. She can do that because she doesn't need to go back to sleep in between feedings. That's like the purpose of the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

PP here. We don't make as much as OP's hubby but we had a baby nurse with our two. My parents paid.

Baby nurse is a really common maternity gift from parents.

[Anonymous]

You’re rich. Who cares what you do. But since you asked, I think you should create more jobs AND pay more taxes, so I guess you should hire 4-5 nurses and pay for their social security and health insurance, paid leave and fair wages. Go back right away to spin class. But please shut it when other moms are venting about hard it is to have a baby and a toddler. that will not apply to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's tons of space between 24/7 help for three months and zero help. Sure, get a 24/7 baby nurse until you're physically recovered and can get a routine going with the baby. That sounds very reasonable. From there, most agree that it's helpful to have some help during the day so you aren't alone with two kids with different needs all day, every day. I'd probably want this person to be a nanny who could take the older one to the playground while I napped or fed the baby. I had sleepy infants, so I'd play with the older one when the baby was napping.

Personally I wouldn't find a night nanny to be very helpful since I nursed (so I would still need to be awake) and had pretty good sleepers, but you could play this by ear. I found that the option for a nap when the toddler napped was enough to keep me feeling pretty good. The nanny could take the baby during that window, if the baby isn't also napping.

The baby nurse helps teach the baby to go longer in between feedings. The goal is that baby is STTN by the time she leaves after 3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. We don't make as much as OP's hubby but we had a baby nurse with our two. My parents paid.

Baby nurse is a really common maternity gift from parents.

the out of touch cluelessness of this board never ceases to impress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm pregnant with our second child. With our first I tried to be "super mom" and did not hire anyone until a few weeks in when I finally broke down and hired a night nurse a couple nights a week. My husband put up a big fight about this but I overruled him since he wasn't getting up at night (I nursed).

Anyway, this time around, I want to hire a 24/7 baby nurse for at least 3 months since we'll have a toddler to take care of too.

My husband doesn't want to hire anyone even though we can afford it. When I point out that I'm the one who is going to be doing all the work so I don't think it is something he should be able to just veto, he says "I'll help out more this time."

But realistically I don't see that happening.

Our HHI is ~ 775k so we can afford this luxury. I'm really anxious about what it's going to be like taking care of a toddler and a baby at the same time. I think knowing that I'll have this level of support will help calm me down. H doesn't want to spend the money on it though and says that we should just "power through."

How should we resolve this?

Not having a night nurse hardly makes you super mom. It just makes you--mom. A 24/7 baby nurse just makes...superfluous. Why bother having kids, really?


BTW, I have both a higher HHI and managed without a 24/7 night nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. We don't make as much as OP's hubby but we had a baby nurse with our two. My parents paid.

Baby nurse is a really common maternity gift from parents.

the out of touch cluelessness of this board never ceases to impress.

That post is HYSTERICAL.

[Anonymous]

This is why you should have your own money.