I’m so freaking tired of parents with 3+ kids complaining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the people who start these threads are struggling with infertility or weren’t able to have as many children as they wanted. It doesn’t make sense to me to get mad at someone for complaining about what they have unless it was something you wanted for yourself.

Also, they make it sound like pregnancy is always a well-thought out plan where all of the pros and cons were weighed. Certainly it often is that way, but sometimes it’s just getting a little too drunk at the backyard bbq. I know I gave more thought to taking my last job than I did to conceiving my third child, and I ended up leaving that job after a couple of years, but I am stuck with this little boy for life .

i started it, and i use birth control when i don't want to get pregnant.
i have 2 kids - why on earth would anyone who struggled with infertility post this?

You seem upset that people are complaining about something you wish you had.

This makes absolutely no sense. She could have it if she wanted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:s/o from the pool life thread. But it extends everywhere. You had three kids by choice. You knew what the repercussions would be for your kids and yourselves. Not as many activities, harder in public places in the younger years etc. You can’t make the defining soccer game because one parent has to travel and you don’t arrange backup? Then don’t sign up for the team, and don’t complain when the coach only selects the “committed” players to move up. It’s your kids that are suffering. Either manage it or don’t but stop complaining about your own choices. Rant over.

No. People don't know what they're getting into when they have kids, much less when they have three or more kids. The lack of knowing what lies ahead doesn't give them permission to whine, but it's important to admit that nobody knows the "repercussions" of having kids until they have them. At least admit that part.

of course they do unless they are having triplets

If you have one kid, it's pretty easy to envision what it will be like to have two and then so on and so forth

+1
and some of us have fewer because that's the lifestyle we wanted for us and them. i know a dad of 3 who is constantly like you only have 2, you dont get it - yeah, i dont, but that's why i dont. DUH.

We get it. That's why we chose to have 1-2 kids so we can do more for those kids and make sure their needs are met fully by us, not by outsourcing or ignoring, etc.

Amen.

This reminds me so much of the WOHM: We have plenty of money and I could afford to stay home but I work for other reasons including setting a good example for my children / and SAHM response: you’re jealous!!

Uh no, I just said I could be you but choose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is such bizarre logic to me. Can no one complain, in this case? When a mom of 1, a newborn, complains that she is tired, is your response "well, YOU chose to have a baby. Either manage it or don't but stop complaining about your choices. You knew what the repercussions would be." When someone says "oh my gosh it's so hot out" is your response "either managing living in a hot city or don't but stop complaining about your own choices."

There are totally people like this on DCUM and elsewhere. "Why should anyone be inconvenienced by maternity leave policies when having a baby is a CHOICE?" "Don't complain about real estate being expensive here, you should've picked a major that pays six figures right out of college and bought a condo at 22, if you don't like it move to Cleveland."

We have maternity leave - its just not paid in less you save your annual and sick leave. Its called being an adult and being responsible. No one should have to pay you additional leave for having a child. Cancer, sure, we should help, but a child, absolutely not. I saved my leave for years so I got paid leave.

You realize that FMLA only applies to less than half of the population. Some of us cannot roll over leave or work in jobs without sick or annual leave. I can't remember the number but its something like 40% of women are back at work in less than 6 weeks. Some of us care about more than ourselves, we would like to live somewhere where women don't have to work while they're still wearing disposable underwear because they are bleeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are missing the point of the original post. The idea is that if you can’t manage the logistics of three children and if that affects the well-being of the kids, then don’t have so many. It’s not like you didn’t have a choice.

Not the same as complaining about heat, sleep deprivation, etc. I get it.

Hate to say it but you don’t always have a choice anymore. Raped in Alabama or Missouri? Congrats, extra kid for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is such bizarre logic to me. Can no one complain, in this case? When a mom of 1, a newborn, complains that she is tired, is your response "well, YOU chose to have a baby. Either manage it or don't but stop complaining about your choices. You knew what the repercussions would be." When someone says "oh my gosh it's so hot out" is your response "either managing living in a hot city or don't but stop complaining about your own choices."

There are totally people like this on DCUM and elsewhere. "Why should anyone be inconvenienced by maternity leave policies when having a baby is a CHOICE?" "Don't complain about real estate being expensive here, you should've picked a major that pays six figures right out of college and bought a condo at 22, if you don't like it move to Cleveland."

We have maternity leave - its just not paid in less you save your annual and sick leave. Its called being an adult and being responsible. No one should have to pay you additional leave for having a child. Cancer, sure, we should help, but a child, absolutely not. I saved my leave for years so I got paid leave.

You realize that FMLA only applies to less than half of the population. Some of us cannot roll over leave or work in jobs without sick or annual leave. I can't remember the number but its something like 40% of women are back at work in less than 6 weeks. Some of us care about more than ourselves, we would like to live somewhere where women don't have to work while they're still wearing disposable underwear because they are bleeding.

Having a child is a choice. So, if you choose jobs with leave, then you save or your spouse can pick up the difference. Its not reasonable to expect your work/government to pay you for a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don’t be bitter ladies. You should have chosen husbands who make more money.

I dunno. The people I know who have 3+ kids actually the ones that have the least money and can't afford child care for all the kids, etc.

+1. It's always the "oops" baby who is some women's golden ticket to not having to go back to work. I know at least four women who have straight up told me as much, and I suspect it of many others.

Why do you need another baby as an excuse to stay home? That's absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been irritated by a friend who complained FREQUENTLY about having so many children, and yet, continued to have more kids (6 total). Also, talking to her was difficult, because if I offhandedly said "oh crap, I have to go grocery shopping, I am really not in the mood, " she would laugh and say "try grocery shopping with 6 kids, then you can complain! "

I think it got way worse with social media, where she could post about her struggles daily and respond condescendingly to everyone else's posts. Once a friend posted a picture of her and her kids at an amusement park, and this friend responded "lol, can't afford that with 6 kids." Just strange and exhausting to be around.

Delete her as a friend. I'd tell her that's why I stopped at two so it wouldn't be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My brother has 3 kids. He and his spouse have jobs that require travel and they cobble together help with babysitters. We have two kids and commuting into DC is enough for us. We never ask them for help with our kids. Every time they call or text me I have a fear that they are going to ask me to pick up a kid or have a kid over or drive a kid somewhere because they don't trust the babysitters to drive. I'm sorry - but this isn't a small town and traffic and commuting are a nightmare. Our kids have activities and we've staggered our schedules to be able to get them places. I just think it takes a lot of gall to ask and I always feel terrible when I say that I can't drive into rush hour traffic, after commuting home, to help them with their kids.

That's pretty sad for the kids as how much time to they really send with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:s/o from the pool life thread. But it extends everywhere. You had three kids by choice. You knew what the repercussions would be for your kids and yourselves. Not as many activities, harder in public places in the younger years etc. You can’t make the defining soccer game because one parent has to travel and you don’t arrange backup? Then don’t sign up for the team, and don’t complain when the coach only selects the “committed” players to move up. It’s your kids that are suffering. Either manage it or don’t but stop complaining about your own choices. Rant over.

+1

No lie, OP. You signed up for it, period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been irritated by a friend who complained FREQUENTLY about having so many children, and yet, continued to have more kids (6 total). Also, talking to her was difficult, because if I offhandedly said "oh crap, I have to go grocery shopping, I am really not in the mood, " she would laugh and say "try grocery shopping with 6 kids, then you can complain! "

I think it got way worse with social media, where she could post about her struggles daily and respond condescendingly to everyone else's posts. Once a friend posted a picture of her and her kids at an amusement park, and this friend responded "lol, can't afford that with 6 kids." Just strange and exhausting to be around.

Delete her as a friend. I'd tell her that's why I stopped at two so it wouldn't be an issue.

+1

Exactly this. I don't want to freaking hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys need to grow up.

If you don’t want to help someone else, use your big girl words and say “That doesn’t work for me.” If you’re having a conversation and someone else is complaining too much, end the conversation “It’s been nice catching up, but I need to get going now” then leave.

It really is that simple. Time to be an adult. If you don’t like the choices you’re making about YOUR life, make different ones. Nobody is forcing you to babysit someone else’s kid or listen to them complain. You’re choosing that. Own your choices.

I think we all agree here. Own your choices.

+1

UNDERSTATEMENT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Don’t be bitter ladies. You should have chosen husbands who make more money.

I dunno. The people I know who have 3+ kids actually the ones that have the least money and can't afford child care for all the kids, etc.

+1. It's always the "oops" baby who is some women's golden ticket to not having to go back to work. I know at least four women who have straight up told me as much, and I suspect it of many others.

Why do you need another baby as an excuse to stay home? That's absurd.

The cost of daycare for two versus daycare for three/nanny for three. My friend straight up told me that was the "tipping point" and she knew it would be, the point where the salary she brought in wouldn't exceed the cost of kids in daycare. (I get that not every couple views the cost breakdown this way, nor should they.) Anyway, SHE knew *for her* that this was the tipping point, so she deliberately had sex with her husband even though she was getting over an illness so that she could blame it on the antibiotics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the people who start these threads are struggling with infertility or weren’t able to have as many children as they wanted. It doesn’t make sense to me to get mad at someone for complaining about what they have unless it was something you wanted for yourself.

Also, they make it sound like pregnancy is always a well-thought out plan where all of the pros and cons were weighed. Certainly it often is that way, but sometimes it’s just getting a little too drunk at the backyard bbq. I know I gave more thought to taking my last job than I did to conceiving my third child, and I ended up leaving that job after a couple of years, but I am stuck with this little boy for life .

i started it, and i use birth control when i don't want to get pregnant.
i have 2 kids - why on earth would anyone who struggled with infertility post this?

You seem upset that people are complaining about something you wish you had.

This makes absolutely no sense. She could have it if she wanted it.

I very sincerely doubt this.
If it isn’t fertility problems, then her husband doesn’t want more, or they don’t have enough money to support more, or she has a mental or physical illness and can’t handle more.

Because who cares if someone complains on an anonymous message board about something you don’t have and would never want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1. It's always the "oops" baby who is some women's golden ticket to not having to go back to work. I know at least four women who have straight up told me as much, and I suspect it of many others.

Yep. Staying at home and popping out babies gives them the only meaning in life and the only respect they can get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is such bizarre logic to me. Can no one complain, in this case? When a mom of 1, a newborn, complains that she is tired, is your response "well, YOU chose to have a baby. Either manage it or don't but stop complaining about your choices. You knew what the repercussions would be." When someone says "oh my gosh it's so hot out" is your response "either managing living in a hot city or don't but stop complaining about your own choices."

There are totally people like this on DCUM and elsewhere. "Why should anyone be inconvenienced by maternity leave policies when having a baby is a CHOICE?" "Don't complain about real estate being expensive here, you should've picked a major that pays six figures right out of college and bought a condo at 22, if you don't like it move to Cleveland."

Ha ha! Yes! Love all of the former 20 something real estate mavens who “scrimped and saved” [Daddy’s money] to get into the real estate market.