What's with the constant put down here of hardworking kids as "Striver" kids"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Jimmy Neutron is a boy genius. He is naturally brilliant and is truly "Gifted". He is not a "striver".

He is also UMC, White, both his parents are highly educated STEM professionals and he has a complete state-of-the-art super expensive laboratory at his house. If he was Asian - he would be a striver on DCUM.

You still don’t understand what a striver is.

You are an utter imbecile.

It’s not something you can read and memorize. It’s more nuanced. That’s why you will never understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I immigrated to the US when I was 9 and I was told it was ‘the land of opportunity’ if I worked hard. Now I studied my ass off in school and got into UVa followed by a PhD from an Ivy league school. I now have a HHI of about $350,000. I guess that makes me a striver but I’m not ashamed of it. So there.

You are not necessarily a striver, you might be.

Not enough info was provided.

Did your mom start a foundation and pretend you did?
Did you vacation in costa rico and pretend you built houses for the homeless?
Did you only make friends with well connected kids?

No

No

I made friends mostly with other motivated kids with immigrant backgrounds because that’s what I was. Yes a lot of them were Asian (parents owned stores, ran ethnic restaurants, etc). Most are lawyers, doctors, and entrepreneurs now. I couldn’t relate to the white cheerleader/ football types from my high school who were not particularly ambitious and pretty superficial. They are now are priced out of the area living in Manassas. (I grew up in Nova).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I immigrated to the US when I was 9 and I was told it was ‘the land of opportunity’ if I worked hard. Now I studied my ass off in school and got into UVa followed by a PhD from an Ivy league school. I now have a HHI of about $350,000. I guess that makes me a striver but I’m not ashamed of it. So there.

You are not necessarily a striver, you might be.

Not enough info was provided.

Did your mom start a foundation and pretend you did?
Did you vacation in costa rico and pretend you built houses for the homeless?
Did you only make friends with well connected kids?

No

No

I made friends mostly with other motivated kids with immigrant backgrounds because that’s what I was. Yes a lot of them were Asian (parents owned stores, ran ethnic restaurants, etc). Most are lawyers, doctors, and entrepreneurs now. I couldn’t relate to the white cheerleader/ football types from my high school who were not particularly ambitious and pretty superficial. They are now are priced out of the area living in Manassas. (I grew up in Nova).

Those white cheerleader/football types are the ones who invented the concept 'striver' to try to hold on to the pathetic high school social position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I immigrated to the US when I was 9 and I was told it was ‘the land of opportunity’ if I worked hard. Now I studied my ass off in school and got into UVa followed by a PhD from an Ivy league school. I now have a HHI of about $350,000. I guess that makes me a striver but I’m not ashamed of it. So there.

You are not necessarily a striver, you might be.

Not enough info was provided.

Did your mom start a foundation and pretend you did?
Did you vacation in costa rico and pretend you built houses for the homeless?
Did you only make friends with well connected kids?

No

No

I made friends mostly with other motivated kids with immigrant backgrounds because that’s what I was. Yes a lot of them were Asian (parents owned stores, ran ethnic restaurants, etc). Most are lawyers, doctors, and entrepreneurs now. I couldn’t relate to the white cheerleader/ football types from my high school who were not particularly ambitious and pretty superficial. They are now are priced out of the area living in Manassas. (I grew up in Nova).

Then you are not a striver.

Btw cheerleaders and football players are not “well connected” people. But talking down about them shows you have a little bit of a chip on your shoulder and are a bit self righteous and might need to work on yourself from a spiritual standpoint. Your probably young and haven’t had time to work on being wise... too much time spent on being “smart”. Start with a book on Buddhism.

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna go ahead and say anyone who fixates on another successful child and calls them "striver" as a pejorative, is likely engaged in some pretty heavy-duty projection and hypocrisy. Parents who are truly confident in their own kid and their own parenting don't need to tear down others' successes (or different parenting styles.)

[Anonymous]

Many people reach their 20’s and end up very resentful that they spent their whole life thus far pursuing their parents’ dream instead of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and I immigrated to the US when I was 9 and I was told it was ‘the land of opportunity’ if I worked hard. Now I studied my ass off in school and got into UVa followed by a PhD from an Ivy league school. I now have a HHI of about $350,000. I guess that makes me a striver but I’m not ashamed of it. So there.

You are not necessarily a striver, you might be.

Not enough info was provided.

Did your mom start a foundation and pretend you did?
Did you vacation in costa rico and pretend you built houses for the homeless?
Did you only make friends with well connected kids?

No

No

I made friends mostly with other motivated kids with immigrant backgrounds because that’s what I was. Yes a lot of them were Asian (parents owned stores, ran ethnic restaurants, etc). Most are lawyers, doctors, and entrepreneurs now. I couldn’t relate to the white cheerleader/ football types from my high school who were not particularly ambitious and pretty superficial. They are now are priced out of the area living in Manassas. (I grew up in Nova).

It's not just the immigrant kids that don't connect with the cheerleader/football types. Those are the people who peak in HS no good comes of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mentioned earlier that someone accused me of being a striver parent on this forum. We are UMC white and well connected. Husband has connections at DS's first choice school, but not a legacy. But we were not going to rely on connections and money, so I pushed my kid.

I made him take piano lessons even though he wanted to quit multiple times through the years. He is 18 now and loves to play piano. It has helped get him girls LOL (which is what I predicted).

I nagged him about homework and expected nothing but As (but didn't sweat a B here and there). He finished with a strong GPA.

I nagged him about finishing on a big project that was going to make his college application look really good. He was able to talk about that project in his common app essay.

I signed him up for one of those summer programs which would also look good on his resume (because it aligned with all the work he was doing to help the underprivileged).

I also made my kid prep for the ACT with a private tutor. He got a perfect score one and done.

Did all of this pushing make a difference? Who knows. But is heading to his first choice school (a top 10) this fall. I believe when you want something, you have to put 100% into it and over prepare. I actually admire all strivers.

Someone accused you of being a striver because YOU ARE A STRIVER. of course you admire all strivers - wouldn’t make sense to hate people who behave exactly as you do. Just be aware that most non striver parents feel bad for your poor kid who clearly has no say in his life and consider you an asshole. As most strivers are.

Never said I wasn’t one. Proud of it and have no respect for people who are simply entitled. You are the asshole, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people reach their 20’s and end up very resentful that they spent their whole life thus far pursuing their parents’ dream instead of their own.

Bingo!

If you feel this way ... your parents were probably strivers.

If you don’t, your parents probably were not.

[Anonymous]

This argument reminds me of that preppy phrase "not our kind, dear." The idea that even if someone goes to the right schools, gets the right degrees, right job, lives in the right neighborhood, etc. there were will be people who won't accept them because they're not old money or whatever.

I've realized that I was a striver. My dad was a first generation college attender who made a lot of money. He made sure we had tennis lessons, and private school and music lessons and horse back riding lessons and skiing lessons. I went to the right college, etc. but always knew I was an outsider there. I suspect now that we probably rode the wrong kind of horses or went to the wrong tennis club. I won piano competitions which probably got me labelled as a striver, etc. My father bragged incessantly about us all the time, which again, probably made us strivers.

You have to be pretty darned comfortable to be able to take all that stuff for granted -- the expensive summer camps, the junior year abroad, etc. I remember on my junior year abroad how EXCITED I was about everything -- and how all the old money types were like "France is so boring. I'm just going to have another drink and sleep through the visit to the Louvre because I"ve been a million times before."

I think the opposite of striver is ungrateful and entitled. Also, judgemental and privileged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This argument reminds me of that preppy phrase "not our kind, dear." The idea that even if someone goes to the right schools, gets the right degrees, right job, lives in the right neighborhood, etc. there were will be people who won't accept them because they're not old money or whatever.

I've realized that I was a striver. My dad was a first generation college attender who made a lot of money. He made sure we had tennis lessons, and private school and music lessons and horse back riding lessons and skiing lessons. I went to the right college, etc. but always knew I was an outsider there. I suspect now that we probably rode the wrong kind of horses or went to the wrong tennis club. I won piano competitions which probably got me labelled as a striver, etc. My father bragged incessantly about us all the time, which again, probably made us strivers.

You have to be pretty darned comfortable to be able to take all that stuff for granted -- the expensive summer camps, the junior year abroad, etc. I remember on my junior year abroad how EXCITED I was about everything -- and how all the old money types were like "France is so boring. I'm just going to have another drink and sleep through the visit to the Louvre because I"ve been a million times before."

I think the opposite of striver is ungrateful and entitled. Also, judgemental and privileged.

Talk about ungrateful.

Your dad did all of this for you and all you took away from it was that it did not impress others. That is pathetic.

Maybe your dad wanted you to enjoy tennis, or horseback riding or Paris... but all you wanted was "old money" to notice you.

Yes, you are a striver, but I doubt your dad was. He was a hard worker. He was just happy to give you what he did not have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people reach their 20’s and end up very resentful that they spent their whole life thus far pursuing their parents’ dream instead of their own.

Bingo!

If you feel this way ... your parents were probably strivers.

If you don’t, your parents probably were not.

You’ve invested an astonishing amount of time on this petty thread. I get the overwhelming sense that you are deeply unhappy and disappointed in how your own life is unfolding so you cast about for ways to belittle or minimize the accomplishments of others. And I’m sure you lack the self-awareness to realize how pathetically unhealthy your behavior appears to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This argument reminds me of that preppy phrase "not our kind, dear." The idea that even if someone goes to the right schools, gets the right degrees, right job, lives in the right neighborhood, etc. there were will be people who won't accept them because they're not old money or whatever.

I've realized that I was a striver. My dad was a first generation college attender who made a lot of money. He made sure we had tennis lessons, and private school and music lessons and horse back riding lessons and skiing lessons. I went to the right college, etc. but always knew I was an outsider there. I suspect now that we probably rode the wrong kind of horses or went to the wrong tennis club. I won piano competitions which probably got me labelled as a striver, etc. My father bragged incessantly about us all the time, which again, probably made us strivers.

You have to be pretty darned comfortable to be able to take all that stuff for granted -- the expensive summer camps, the junior year abroad, etc. I remember on my junior year abroad how EXCITED I was about everything -- and how all the old money types were like "France is so boring. I'm just going to have another drink and sleep through the visit to the Louvre because I"ve been a million times before."

I think the opposite of striver is ungrateful and entitled. Also, judgemental and privileged.

Talk about ungrateful.

Your dad did all of this for you and all you took away from it was that it did not impress others. That is pathetic.

Maybe your dad wanted you to enjoy tennis, or horseback riding or Paris... but all you wanted was "old money" to notice you.

Yes, you are a striver, but I doubt your dad was. He was a hard worker. He was just happy to give you what he did not have.

My point is that I don't think there is anything wrong with being a striver or working hard or being excited about seeing Paris, etc. But all of the people on the college threads who think that their child has to go to Harvard so that they can schmooze with their roommate whose dad will get them a job on Wall Street, and so that they can marry money, etc. are woefully misguided. My parents were strivers in the sense that they thought that if they worked hard enough and we worked hard enough we would actually not be middle class anymore or that we could make that magical leap into the upper echelons of society. They thought that Ivy League schools were magical and still can't understand how it is that all the kids in my family are successful but only conventionally successful. And yes, when I see a local family enrolling their TEN YEAR OLD in SAT prep classes all for the pursuit of that elusive Ivy admission because they think that once the kid makes it they will have a magical life, I feel kind of sorry for the child. I think that everything I have now I probably would have also achieved had I attended a good state school and I feel like me and my striver parents spent a lot of time and money on an exercise that didn't really pan out the way they planned. I assume that there are a lot of striver guys and women out there who are probably better lawyers than Brett Kavanaugh, for example, but they were probably strivers who didn't have the right social credentials. Hell, I'm sure a lot of you guys think the Obamas are strivers and secretly look down on them. Pete Buttigieg? Striver. Top student. Pursued prizes like the Rhodes. WOrked too hard. Overachiever. Speaks too many languages. Probaly wouldn't be allowed into one of those old money snooty country clubs.
Striving only gets you so far -- even if it gets you to the WHite House.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people reach their 20’s and end up very resentful that they spent their whole life thus far pursuing their parents’ dream instead of their own.

Bingo!

If you feel this way ... your parents were probably strivers.

If you don’t, your parents probably were not.

You’ve invested an astonishing amount of time on this petty thread. I get the overwhelming sense that you are deeply unhappy and disappointed in how your own life is unfolding so you cast about for ways to belittle or minimize the accomplishments of others. And I’m sure you lack the self-awareness to realize how pathetically unhealthy your behavior appears to others.

NP

That’s funny, because after that little screed you look like the unhealthy one to me. Almost as unhealthy as the strivers and their kids, just in a different way...

[Anonymous]

My brother was just mentioning the other day how glad he was that our parents were strivers who pushed us, bc otherwise he’d never have the job he has today. His company only hires ppl with Ivy or equivalent degrees for the position he has.