DH cheated but won't unfriend/block the OW on social media

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Regret is about your own emotion. Feeling guilty or upset or hurt or angry or devastated because of what you did. I can't believe I did that, I thought I was a better person, I can't believe how awful it feels right now to be me, to have to feel this way due to what I did. It is all about 'me'. Regret leads to actions that make the person feel better themselves.

Remorse is about the emotions of others and being devastated by the impact of what you did to others. Feeling guilty or sad over the hurt you caused others and realizing that your own emotions are secondary to how you made others feel. Remorse leads to actions that try to repair the damage caused to others and to make others feel better. Remorse leads to putting their own needs/wants as secondary and prioritizing how best to help the person they impacted heal.

Just to add, I think many people confuse regret with remorse. They see tears or guilt and they think that means they can work through it. Tears or guilt related to regret won't lead to any forward progress. I do think that a marriage can survive infidelity if there is true remorse and both parties want to try to make it work. I don't think a marriage can be healthy following infidelity if there is only regret, no matter how much both people might say they want to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A married woman cheated on her DH with me (I was single) 20+ years ago and we're still FB friends. Neither of us ever interact with each other on FB or in real life.

What's the point of keeping that person on your friends list if you don't even interact with each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A married woman cheated on her DH with me (I was single) 20+ years ago and we're still FB friends. Neither of us ever interact with each other on FB or in real life.

Facebook wasn't around 20 + years ago so you've been in contact recently just to friend each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that Op would describe this as "95% emotional". Cheating ONCE is beyond repair. Actual intercourse.

OP here. Yes, actual intercourse and I'm positive there was NO protection because DH doesn't like to use any. He also thinks this woman is a saint that doesn't sleep around so I guess it's impossible to him that she could have an STD. I'm disgusted.

Holy S***.

Why do you WANT this guy? Honestly, if you told me you want him to just pay the bills for a few years so you can sock away money, I'd actually admire that.

Yes, I like all of my bills paid. I think I shouldn't have to contribute a dime after all he's put me through.

He hasn’t put you through anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I want to be able to say that we have been through hell and are still together while so many others around us are breaking up! Being loyal and staying tried/true is very important to me in general. Plus, I don't want to let the OW win.

Your motivation here seems .. off. All in external appearances. No mention of love for DH. Perhaps this is why he is looking elsewhere for emotional connection?

+1 Also, he's not loyal and true to you. It's all one sided. That's not how it's supposed to work. "Letting the other woman win" - I'd say she's already won since YOUR DH is pining after HER.. for 8 years.

Right. In the one who said he didn’t put her through anything and I stand by it. They sound mutually disconnected, he’s encouraging her financial independence, is not hiding his feelings or behavior, and isn’t threatening divorce. OP sounds like a social media basic brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's probably got a burner phone or an email you know nothing about. I'm sorry, OP. I don't buy for a minute that the relationship with the OW is over.

OP here. I think he really did quit speaking to her BUT I think he doesn't want to close the door yet. He still wants to look at her "beautiful" face and see what's going on in her life.

I’m sorry but how can you continue to live like this? I know how hard divorce will be, but you deserve better OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regret is about your own emotion. Feeling guilty or upset or hurt or angry or devastated because of what you did. I can't believe I did that, I thought I was a better person, I can't believe how awful it feels right now to be me, to have to feel this way due to what I did. It is all about 'me'. Regret leads to actions that make the person feel better themselves.

Remorse is about the emotions of others and being devastated by the impact of what you did to others. Feeling guilty or sad over the hurt you caused others and realizing that your own emotions are secondary to how you made others feel. Remorse leads to actions that try to repair the damage caused to others and to make others feel better. Remorse leads to putting their own needs/wants as secondary and prioritizing how best to help the person they impacted heal.

Just to add, I think many people confuse regret with remorse. They see tears or guilt and they think that means they can work through it. Tears or guilt related to regret won't lead to any forward progress. I do think that a marriage can survive infidelity if there is true remorse and both parties want to try to make it work. I don't think a marriage can be healthy following infidelity if there is only regret, no matter how much both people might say they want to make it work.

? PP, "remorse" is defined as: "deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed"
how do the two differ in your example?

[Anonymous]

OP doesn’t want to give up her lifestyle. Bottom line.

I’d message the OW and ask her to block your DH.

[Anonymous]

Get off DCUM and get a real marriage counselor.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but if you stay in this marriage then you are never going to feel any life joy ever again.

Your husband just cannot give up this other woman.
His feelings for her are still very strong.
That much is obvious.

I could not stay married to someone who still carried a torch for a previous love - it would just hurt too much.

Initiate a divorce now so you can take back all of your pride & self-respect once more.

I wish you only the very best.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll. She cant be this stupid.

[Anonymous]

I think its a troll, too. The OP answers are too vague and shallow sounding. No ones this stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but if you stay in this marriage then you are never going to feel any life joy ever again.

Your husband just cannot give up this other woman.
His feelings for her are still very strong.
That much is obvious.

I could not stay married to someone who still carried a torch for a previous love - it would just hurt too much.

Initiate a divorce now so you can take back all of your pride & self-respect once more.

I wish you only the very best.

When I found out, I told him I was leaving and I guess that made him realize how much he loved me so he dropped to his knees and told me he'd never speak to her again. Obviously he couldn't keep that promise since he felt the need to wish her happy birthday two consecutive years but other than that, he's anyone l acting like she doesn't exist, which is why I say why not just block her? What's stopping him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll. She cant be this stupid.

I wish it weren't real but it is.

[Anonymous]

^^ "he's been acting like she doesn't exist"