DH cheated but won't unfriend/block the OW on social media

[Anonymous]

It's a work phone so I never see the bills. Do you know if he has access to the records? I am only asking because work pays for his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He should be thankful you gave him another chance, and yes at least unfriend the OW.

Has he otherwise been transparent? Can you verify that they still have not been in contact with one another?

I checked the phone records and he's not contacted her by phone since. I also saw were she was very angry with him shortly after I found out. But there was nothing from him after that. I should also note that while he hasn't talked to her via phone, he HAS wished her "happy birthday" twice via social media but no other contact. BTW, the "Happy Birthday" message was quite a heartfelt message from him too.

Google voice and other VOIP makes it so contact won’t show up on bills. Been there, experienced that with a cheating partner. The lengths to which they will go to deceive can be breathtaking. He may also be using WhatsApp or some other app to chat, with the app hidden on his phone. Also discovered that.

Can someone advise how to find hidden apps on an Android phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I have a question. Suspect my DH is hiding something (long story). I would love to check his phone but I don't know his password and he always has it with him. He also has an ipad (password protected) but I have more access to that. Tips/advice?

Yes I find this totally odd. Tell him you want to use his phone, yours is charging, broke whatever. If he refuses then you have THAT talk. My 1st DH and I had the same PWs. There was never any distrust in that area. Get it all out, then decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PP. When I have asked to borrow his phone, he refuses. He also refuses to share password for the ipad. He thinks my request is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

forgot to add because he is entitled to privacy. He makes me feel crazy for asking. This is not normal, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you don't need to delve into his phone. He liked a photo and that is still keeping contact and a door open to her.

If he was serious and committed to the marriage he would not have had any form of contact with her, none.

The first step is the hardest. Only you can make this decision at this stage. You either stay married knowing it is an open marriage or you decide to divorce. He won't make that decision for you and that isn't about you but it's really about him. It's in his favour to stay in the marriage at the moment. So you make the call depending on what you want out of life.

Harsh pill to swallow. Thanks everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:forgot to add because he is entitled to privacy. He makes me feel crazy for asking. This is not normal, right?

No, he’s gaslighting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I have a question. Suspect my DH is hiding something (long story). I would love to check his phone but I don't know his password and he always has it with him. He also has an ipad (password protected) but I have more access to that. Tips/advice?

Yes I find this totally odd. Tell him you want to use his phone, yours is charging, broke whatever. If he refuses then you have THAT talk. My 1st DH and I had the same PWs. There was never any distrust in that area. Get it all out, then decide what to do.

It's not odd for a cheater or someone who is hiding something. My cheating spouse literally ripped the phone out of my hand when I tried to look at messages.

[Anonymous]

PP, when your husband was cheating, did you notice any odd financial transactions? I do have access to accounts. In the past he would take out 200-400 cash. He has never explained what he does with his cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, PP. When I have asked to borrow his phone, he refuses. He also refuses to share password for the ipad. He thinks my request is unreasonable.

Please divorce this creep. Down the road you will be so much happier, none of this is normal. He will end up leaving you sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

Time to go honey, frankly, it was time many years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that Op would describe this as "95% emotional". Cheating ONCE is beyond repair. Actual intercourse.

OP here. Yes, actual intercourse and I'm positive there was NO protection because DH doesn't like to use any. He also thinks this woman is a saint that doesn't sleep around so I guess it's impossible to him that she could have an STD. I'm disgusted.

Holy S***.

Why do you WANT this guy? Honestly, if you told me you want him to just pay the bills for a few years so you can sock away money, I'd actually admire that.

Yes, I like all of my bills paid. I think I shouldn't have to contribute a dime after all he's put me through.

Now you smell like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Regret is about your own emotion. Feeling guilty or upset or hurt or angry or devastated because of what you did. I can't believe I did that, I thought I was a better person, I can't believe how awful it feels right now to be me, to have to feel this way due to what I did. It is all about 'me'. Regret leads to actions that make the person feel better themselves.

Remorse is about the emotions of others and being devastated by the impact of what you did to others. Feeling guilty or sad over the hurt you caused others and realizing that your own emotions are secondary to how you made others feel. Remorse leads to actions that try to repair the damage caused to others and to make others feel better. Remorse leads to putting their own needs/wants as secondary and prioritizing how best to help the person they impacted heal.

Just to add, I think many people confuse regret with remorse. They see tears or guilt and they think that means they can work through it. Tears or guilt related to regret won't lead to any forward progress. I do think that a marriage can survive infidelity if there is true remorse and both parties want to try to make it work. I don't think a marriage can be healthy following infidelity if there is only regret, no matter how much both people might say they want to make it work.

? PP, "remorse" is defined as: "deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed"
how do the two differ in your example?

I think, in the cheating world, it goes like this: The cheated upon think the cheaters will find remorse ... a deep feeling that they, the cheaters, did something wrong and hurt their spouse awfully and they will wish they'd never done it. Instead, what happens 99% of the time is that cheaters find regret ... a deep feeling that they should have hid their actions better and they wish their spouse had never found out.

[Anonymous]

My ExH and I separated due to an affair. He blocked her on social media and two years later he left and moved in with her. The social media thing is just the tip of the iceberg. You can unfriend and block on social media, but in the wonderful world of smartphones there are a million other apps they could connect through. Even Words with Friends had chatting capabilities. It was my Ex's favorite game. Go figure. If there's no trust, there's no trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that Op would describe this as "95% emotional". Cheating ONCE is beyond repair. Actual intercourse.

OP here. Yes, actual intercourse and I'm positive there was NO protection because DH doesn't like to use any. He also thinks this woman is a saint that doesn't sleep around so I guess it's impossible to him that she could have an STD. I'm disgusted.

Holy S***.

Why do you WANT this guy? Honestly, if you told me you want him to just pay the bills for a few years so you can sock away money, I'd actually admire that.

Yes, I like all of my bills paid. I think I shouldn't have to contribute a dime after all he's put me through.

Now you smell like a troll.

I agree with pp she should contribute very little. Sock money away he doesn't know about for her exit.