DH cheated but won't unfriend/block the OW on social media

[Anonymous]

It's not worth keeping this marriage going. It's better for your kids for you to both live honestly. I'm sorry, but this won't end well otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

95% emotional

What actual physical-thing happened? Anything?

reading is not your forte, is it? he slept with his exGF at least once

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is in love with another woman, period, end of story.

Your choices are to accept it or leave.

If he's so in love with her, why did he quit talking to her? If you're in love with someone, wouldn't you desire to speak to them regularly?

I assume this is OP answering me here.

Believe what you want to believe, but I'd be plotting my exit strategy. He carries a torch for this woman and you know it. That's why you're here. That's why you're upset about the birthday messages.

The problem is not you - it's him. Like I said, your choice - accept it or leave.

[Anonymous]

You are 100% in the right here OP. Hugs to you. I hope he can break out of whatever lust funk he is stuck in with this woman.

[Anonymous]

Your marriage is comfortable. Its nice to have your family together but he's in love with her, not you. An 8 year affair is a long affair.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I want to be able to say that we have been through hell and are still together while so many others around us are breaking up! Being loyal and staying tried/true is very important to me in general. Plus, I don't want to let the OW win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your marriage is comfortable. Its nice to have your family together but he's in love with her, not you. An 8 year affair is a long affair.

It is comfortable. We have great kids that are excelling and he is paying all of the bills. I don't have to contribute any of my salary to our expenses. I keep telling myself that it's just an old flame and that it's not serious but based on those text messages I read between them, I'm sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I want to be able to say that we have been through hell and are still together while so many others around us are breaking up! Being loyal and staying tried/true is very important to me in general. Plus, I don't want to let the OW win.

She's already won. The OW is living in your head rent-free. Your DH is in love with her, and any intimacy you is probably just on pretend on his side. Why do you want to stay with this, without someone who is equally invested as you? Loyalty and staying true on your side is meaningless if he isn't. It's also a terrible example for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The 8 years of "off and on" were because he would feel guilty, then stop because he wanted to keep his marriage. By the way, this has been gone on for a majority of our marriage.

I know you want to stay together for the kids, but it seems to me like he can't quit. If you know this has been going on for the majority of your marriage do you really believe that he won't cheat in the future? Do you still love your DH? I can understand staying together for the kids, but I think at this point, I would be out of love with my DH and just be roommates with him.

I do still love him. I don't trust him though. I'm still trying to be the best wife I can be so he will just let this woman go for once and for all. I didn't sign up for this crap when I married him.

You have a deep misunderstanding about your situation. You think that something you do, will affect how he feels about this woman and whether he will "let her go." ("trying to be the best wife I can be so he will just let this woman go."

He has clearly made a decision to use this woman to fill a need in himself (nothing to do with you). It serves some purpose for him to have this fantasy love/relationship (at best) or secret AP (at worst). After so much time, and considering his response to you recently, it is clear that he doesn't want to change this.

The only thing you can control is you. The real question is do you want to continue being married to a guy who (at best) is constantly pining after an old love? Do you want to be in a relationship where you have zero trust for your partner?

You decide whether you continue or not. You decide whether or not you want to continue loving him. By the way, love is a choice, not some uncontrollable force. Just like your DH has decided to continue loving his ideal of this other woman, you also decide to either keep loving the person he is, the person you want him to be or you decide that you stop loving him.

My DH cheated on me extensively. At his request, I tried to reconcile with him, but he could not stop his behavior. I loved him deeply. But, I decided that he was not worth that love. I told him to leave the house. I felt relieved the first day without him, when I could stop doing the "pick me" dance. But, honestly, it took about 2 years for me to stop loving him. It would have been faster had I cut off all contact (which would have been entirely justifiable). For the sake of my kids, I still have contact with him, but it's pretty minimal. The less it is, the happier I am. Now, I can't even fathom why I wasted so much time on a person who so clearly was unable to devote proper time and attention to our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Weird that Op would describe this as "95% emotional". Cheating ONCE is beyond repair. Actual intercourse.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing they didn't do that. Guessing they just made out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing they didn't do that. Guessing they just made out

From the texts, they had a very passionate night with all of their clothes off that left DH acting funny for days. Guilt and shock, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The 8 years of "off and on" were because he would feel guilty, then stop because he wanted to keep his marriage. By the way, this has been gone on for a majority of our marriage.

I know you want to stay together for the kids, but it seems to me like he can't quit. If you know this has been going on for the majority of your marriage do you really believe that he won't cheat in the future? Do you still love your DH? I can understand staying together for the kids, but I think at this point, I would be out of love with my DH and just be roommates with him.

I do still love him. I don't trust him though. I'm still trying to be the best wife I can be so he will just let this woman go for once and for all. I didn't sign up for this crap when I married him.

You have a deep misunderstanding about your situation. You think that something you do, will affect how he feels about this woman and whether he will "let her go." ("trying to be the best wife I can be so he will just let this woman go."

He has clearly made a decision to use this woman to fill a need in himself (nothing to do with you). It serves some purpose for him to have this fantasy love/relationship (at best) or secret AP (at worst). After so much time, and considering his response to you recently, it is clear that he doesn't want to change this.

The only thing you can control is you. The real question is do you want to continue being married to a guy who (at best) is constantly pining after an old love? Do you want to be in a relationship where you have zero trust for your partner?

You decide whether you continue or not. You decide whether or not you want to continue loving him. By the way, love is a choice, not some uncontrollable force. Just like your DH has decided to continue loving his ideal of this other woman, you also decide to either keep loving the person he is, the person you want him to be or you decide that you stop loving him.

My DH cheated on me extensively. At his request, I tried to reconcile with him, but he could not stop his behavior. I loved him deeply. But, I decided that he was not worth that love. I told him to leave the house. I felt relieved the first day without him, when I could stop doing the "pick me" dance. But, honestly, it took about 2 years for me to stop loving him. It would have been faster had I cut off all contact (which would have been entirely justifiable). For the sake of my kids, I still have contact with him, but it's pretty minimal. The less it is, the happier I am. Now, I can't even fathom why I wasted so much time on a person who so clearly was unable to devote proper time and attention to our relationship.

I guess I need to mention that this isn't the first time he's slept with another woman. I forgave him that time because it was a one night stand with no feelings involved. This particular situation is sickening. I can't believe he loves another woman. That hurts me more than him sleeping with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird that Op would describe this as "95% emotional". Cheating ONCE is beyond repair. Actual intercourse.

OP here. Yes, actual intercourse and I'm positive there was NO protection because DH doesn't like to use any. He also thinks this woman is a saint that doesn't sleep around so I guess it's impossible to him that she could have an STD. I'm disgusted.

[Anonymous]

ummm. He's still seeing her. Obviously.