Wife wants another child; I do not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not that easy. It's too much work and I don't want to do the work of having a newborn baby that will wake up thru the night. Plus, I'm now 37 and too old for that.

You are not "too old for that." You just don't want to.

+1
Um.. no, 38 is not too old for getting up in the middle of the night. Lots of men have kids later than 38. My DH was 44 when our second and last was born.

I think what you found is that a child takes work. You first wanted a big family with your wife because the idea was appealing. One big happy family. Then reality hit when the baby was born, and you realize that .. oh, sh1t, kids take work, and I'm expected to help takE care of them.

And that's why you don't want to go through it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that these are real facts. Having experienced my own infertility issues, there is no way that I would let so much time pass between giving birth and going back to the RE. Knowing we wanted a second child, we went back to consult with the clinic before our first was two, and we had a number of frozen embryos to work with. How old are you guys now?

They are real facts. I told her right after our son was born that we should wait a couple of years and then see where we are then. She agreed to give it more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

You need to tell HER those things, OP. You need to have a conversation about this issue with your wife that is all about HER. Leave out your own feelings, other than that you love her and regret lying.

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation and divorced him. He revealed his deep mental problems once a child required some self-sacrifice on his part. And the option for a sibling was already there because I went through extra cycles to create extra frozen embryos for that purpose, with his consent and recommendation. Obviously I regret ever getting involved with this person at all, even though I thank God for my DC. We both have to deal with him and his issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

So HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!! I don’t know anyone that regretted having another child, but I know plenty that regretted not having one. It’s a lot easier for you to deal with infertility and newborn phase (both relatively short) than for her to deal with a lifetime of regrets and resentment. You are wrong here, YOU made the mistake, YOU adapt to your wife wishes if you want to save your marriage.

[Anonymous]

You are heartless! It's not just about your wife- what about a sibling for your child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

So HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!! I don’t know anyone that regretted having another child, but I know plenty that regretted not having one. It’s a lot easier for you to deal with infertility and newborn phase (both relatively short) than for her to deal with a lifetime of regrets and resentment. You are wrong here, YOU made the mistake, YOU adapt to your wife wishes if you want to save your marriage.

Also, having one more will eventually make your life easier because they will have each other. On weekends I don’t see my kids until 10am or so because they are playing with each other (5 and 3). It’s really amazing to have 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

There would be a big age gap between the new baby and my son. They're not going to entertain each other.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

So HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!! I don’t know anyone that regretted having another child, but I know plenty that regretted not having one. It’s a lot easier for you to deal with infertility and newborn phase (both relatively short) than for her to deal with a lifetime of regrets and resentment. You are wrong here, YOU made the mistake, YOU adapt to your wife wishes if you want to save your marriage.

Also, having one more will eventually make your life easier because they will have each other. On weekends I don’t see my kids until 10am or so because they are playing with each other (5 and 3). It’s really amazing to have 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

There would be a big age gap between the new baby and my son. So much of a difference that they won't entertain each other.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

So HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!! I don’t know anyone that regretted having another child, but I know plenty that regretted not having one. It’s a lot easier for you to deal with infertility and newborn phase (both relatively short) than for her to deal with a lifetime of regrets and resentment. You are wrong here, YOU made the mistake, YOU adapt to your wife wishes if you want to save your marriage.

Also, having one more will eventually make your life easier because they will have each other. On weekends I don’t see my kids until 10am or so because they are playing with each other (5 and 3). It’s really amazing to have 2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are heartless! It's not just about your wife- what about a sibling for your child!

Our son has been asking for a baby for years and I dreaded the conversation every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Agreed.

However, if OP is not a troll, I feel very bad for his wife. I'd love to convince OP to give her the second child she thought she was going to at least try for, but at this point, I don't think OP needs to reproduce any further.

She told me I'm selfish and only thinking about myself

Well she's right, you are extremely selfish, but you're also strange and stupid. You're either a troll or you have some sort of weird personality disorder/disability. If you're real then she's dealing with mourning the loss of something (2 kids, at least trying for a larger family) that was extremely important to her and the realization that her husband betrayed/manipulated her with pretty much zero regard for her feelings. You've displayed zero remorse here when people keep telling you over and over that you lied to her. You keep making it about you.

I know I hurt her. I can tell. I should have been honest with her from the beginning. I know it. I love this woman, I know I can never replace her. That's why I'm hurting.

So HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!! I don’t know anyone that regretted having another child, but I know plenty that regretted not having one. It’s a lot easier for you to deal with infertility and newborn phase (both relatively short) than for her to deal with a lifetime of regrets and resentment. You are wrong here, YOU made the mistake, YOU adapt to your wife wishes if you want to save your marriage.

Also, having one more will eventually make your life easier because they will have each other. On weekends I don’t see my kids until 10am or so because they are playing with each other (5 and 3). It’s really amazing to have 2

There would be a big age gap between the two. They're not going to entertain each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It'e extreme" because you've been toying with her

This, you go back and forth and don't consider her feelings at all. Her leaving you isn't about the child, its about how you treat her, her feelings and how you switch back and forth to humor her without thinking the hurt it causes.