Minor rant: in Europe with completely useless in laws and a toddler

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t you just put your IL’s in a taxi and you and Larla ride the public bus?

How is dragging someone who is out of shape and with swollen feet making this a trip for them?

And then you’re upset because they want to be able to sit and watch TV and likely put their feet up when they are babysitting your kid? They don’t want to be up chasing her around and having to entertain her after a full day of walking.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. It's DCUM policy to come down hard on OPs. Ignore the people calling you nasty--they just like to pile on. If your MIL came on here to complain about no ice in Europe, they'd pile on her too.

[Anonymous]

I bet your MIL is hunkered down in her hotel room right now, composing a thread about her completely useless daughter in law who dragged her to Europe to babysit, and who got lost for 10 minutes trying to find the Tower of London on her supposed fourth trip to the city, while she and her husband were doing their best to keep their mouths shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet your MIL is hunkered down in her hotel room right now, composing a thread about her completely useless daughter in law who dragged her to Europe to babysit, and who got lost for 10 minutes trying to find the Tower of London on her supposed fourth trip to the city, while she and her husband were doing their best to keep their mouths shut.

To be clear, it was a side street on the way. If you’ve never gotten lost in London it’s just because you’ve never spent much time here. There’s no system to the streets.

Also, they volunteered to babysit. If they hadn’t we never would have expected it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you just put your IL’s in a taxi and you and Larla ride the public bus?

How is dragging someone who is out of shape and with swollen feet making this a trip for them?

And then you’re upset because they want to be able to sit and watch TV and likely put their feet up when they are babysitting your kid? They don’t want to be up chasing her around and having to entertain her after a full day of walking.

They refuse to pay for a cab. We’ve suggested it many times. The TV thing wasn’t an issue. It was “make sure I have my shows. It’s buffering!!”
This was after DH spent an hour setting up a proxy server so they could watch live American TV on his laptop.

We didn’t expect them to chase her. We put her down before we left so all they had to do is sit in the room and watch TV.

[Anonymous]

I travel with in laws like this. I actually enjoy the dynamic because I get to be completely in charge and don't have to feel guilty about it! I decide where we sightsee, what we eat, and they just come along. I actually think it's great - no arguments. I get to be a bit bossy about my kids and our itinerary and NO ONE MINDS it! Score.

As for babysitting, we get date nights but only after setting up the kids for bed. Luckily in Europe everything stays open late so if I get to dinner with my husband at 8:30, it's not weird.

My advice: accept the status quo. It won't change. Don't expect what won't happen from them. Release yourself from expectations, enjoy the ability to be a tour guide and make yourself go out with your husband at night just the two of you, even if you are tired from a day of touring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I travel with in laws like this. I actually enjoy the dynamic because I get to be completely in charge and don't have to feel guilty about it! I decide where we sightsee, what we eat, and they just come along. I actually think it's great - no arguments. I get to be a bit bossy about my kids and our itinerary and NO ONE MINDS it! Score.

As for babysitting, we get date nights but only after setting up the kids for bed. Luckily in Europe everything stays open late so if I get to dinner with my husband at 8:30, it's not weird.

My advice: accept the status quo. It won't change. Don't expect what won't happen from them. Release yourself from expectations, enjoy the ability to be a tour guide and make yourself go out with your husband at night just the two of you, even if you are tired from a day of touring.

Yeah that’s what I should do. I should’ve made it clear that babysitting has only happened after DD is in bed with one exception we cleared with them beforehand. And again, they offered babysitting upfront; it wasn’t something we initiated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A two week vacation abroad with your ILs who don't regularly travel.

Were you actually high when you agreed to this OP????

There is no way on earth that was going to go well. None.

Get through it and don't agree to something like that again.

This. Plus 1 bajillion.
What were you thinking, OP?

I can barely stand my MIL for Thanksgiving; the thought of travelling with her provincial ass to Europe would simply never cross my mind.

It was DH’s idea. He wanted to help them do something they said they always wanted to do.

So let him help them. He goes along and manages his parents, every single day. Not your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: my teen aged DDs were seasoned travelers but on an extended trip at about the week point like your ILs they just wanted familiarity. They found a place called Johnny Rockets (it truly wasn’t THE chain. I stomped off angry that they weren’t taking in all the culture etc etc. That recharged them and changed mood for all. Why not make tomorrow a super simple ‘familiar’ day for them. Your vision of breezing through all the sights and sounds obviously is not theirs. They are thrilled to be included so embrace that and see the trip from their eyes as much as you can.

I will try to do that for them. It’s a good idea.

This trip really was meant to be for them. They kept talking about wanting to go to London and Rome and were telling all their friends how amazing it is that we organized this trip. I never got the impression they thought being with our toddler was a hindrance; if anything they keep wanting more time with her. I think they just underestimated how unfamiliar everything would be (even in London!) and are overwhelmed. My MIL is significantly overweight and said her feet were swollen after 2 days. We’ve been really trying to keep things slow for them, especially after hearing that.

I think you do need to change your mindset, and it sounds like you're starting to do that. This isn't a vacation for you, it's a treat for your inlaws. I think if you look at it like that, it will improve your mood. You and your husband are doing a wonderful thing for them. I do think the complaining is just their insecurity showing.

I'm the MIL of an extended, blended family, and I have planned many "vacations" that were not exactly what I would have preferred, had it been just me and DH. However, when I get annoyed, I think about how this trip was really a time to make family memories, and I felt better about it.

As the trip planner, I do get the frustration with everyone looking to you to figure things out. Sometimes it would be nice to sit back and let someone else take care of things. It is most frustrating when something goes wrong, and everyone looks at you like it's your fault. Just accept this as a compliment -- they trust you to take care of them in this very strange place.

[Anonymous]

Change up your pace. We did a vacation with my parents last year where we planned and paid for everything. But my mom really didn’t want to go, dragged her feet, and complained all day, every day. It got easier when we took turns and gave her a lot more down time. One of us would stay with her at the Airbnb, while the rest of the crew went out to see something. Then they’d come back and we’d switch: The other person would stay with her at the Airbnb while the rest of the group went out. That was the last trip I will ever do with her again, but taking turns was key to survival.

Respect physical limits. My mom has bad knees, so part of her complaining had everything to do with feeling physically miserable. We switched to less walking and Uber/taxis between locations. Also, look into booking a cooking class or other activity where they can sit and still participate in something. Worth every penny. If they won’t pay, then you pay. Consider it a sanity fee. You just need to survive this.

Our DS is now a teen, but when we traveled with him as a toddler, we built in playground sessions every few hours. He really didn’t care about the colosseum or Roman aqueducts or Big Ben. You’ll never see all of the sights in one trip anyway, so make sure to pause for ice cream, a pick up game of neighborhood football, or romp in the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet your MIL is hunkered down in her hotel room right now, composing a thread about her completely useless daughter in law who dragged her to Europe to babysit, and who got lost for 10 minutes trying to find the Tower of London on her supposed fourth trip to the city, while she and her husband were doing their best to keep their mouths shut.

To be clear, it was a side street on the way. If you’ve never gotten lost in London it’s just because you’ve never spent much time here. There’s no system to the streets.

Also, they volunteered to babysit. If they hadn’t we never would have expected it.

That's bullshit. Any idiot with a smartphone can navigate London. I've been there over 25 times, haven't been lost since 1989.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, I was sympathetic at first, but honestly now I just feel sorry for your inlaws. They are on their first trip ever to Europe, your husband is working in the hotel, and you are dragging them on some ridiculous excursion by public bus (and getting lost in the process) just because you don’t feel safe putting little precious in a London cab without a car seat, even though the ridiculously protectionist British government says it’s perfectly legal to do so. Maybe it’s you who isn’t cut out for foreign travel. Just wow.

Not to mention the fact that most of London is so congested they drive about 15 mph.

You speak English and you got lost, yet you're making fun of your elderly ILs who have never been out of the country for the same.

Peach.

I got lost once for 10 minutes in a huge traffic circle, trying to find a small side street.

Far from making fun of them, I’m frustrated with them.

I bet they're frustrated with you for your inability to find a street while walking around a traffic circle. Not only is London very well signed, your phone and the mulitiude of nav apps available should have made it easy for anyone even remotely directionally challenged. It's not difficult there--after all, you can *talk* to anyone to ask, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn’t you just put your IL’s in a taxi and you and Larla ride the public bus?

How is dragging someone who is out of shape and with swollen feet making this a trip for them?

And then you’re upset because they want to be able to sit and watch TV and likely put their feet up when they are babysitting your kid? They don’t want to be up chasing her around and having to entertain her after a full day of walking.

They refuse to pay for a cab. We’ve suggested it many times. The TV thing wasn’t an issue. It was “make sure I have my shows. It’s buffering!!”
This was after DH spent an hour setting up a proxy server so they could watch live American TV on his laptop.

We didn’t expect them to chase her. We put her down before we left so all they had to do is sit in the room and watch TV.

If they would be less exhausted thus less grumpy, I would just pay for the taxi. It would improve my mood too.

Geez, don’t be so cheap.

[Anonymous]

How old are your ILs OP? And I would be pissed if all they wanted to eat are burgers. Typical American stereotypes lol...

[Anonymous]

Don't knock on older people DCUMers. It's about mindset. Some people travel well, and some don't.