Minor rant: in Europe with completely useless in laws and a toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I never expect people to help me so I tell them what to do which is one of my more endearing traits I am sure. However, I learned long ago that we would not be traveling with my MIL. We offered over and over to take her on vacation with us. We offered a hotel room with her only grandchild and basically a week long sleepover. Go to dinner, have fun at one of the zillion activities at the resort or just go back to the room for movie time. We offered a beach trip with a rental house and regular one on one time with her only grandchild. Nope. So we stopped asking. No she is elderly, frail, a fall risk, and quite infirm in many other ways and she bellyaches any time we go on vacation anywhere, "I wish I could go!!!" "Are you all going away AGAIN???!!!" Uh. We asked you to join us for years and you said no. Now it is way too difficult to make sure you don't harm yourself so no, you won't be joining us.

You asked your MIL over and over to come be your babysitter on vacation. She continually turned you down so now you don’t invite her anymore? You’re crazy!

Well, they don't invite her because she's no use to them anymore! Why invite a presumably loved one who raised either you or your spouse when she not only can't earn her keep, but in addition would need some help and care from you?

You take the cake, OP of this post!

You're so right. It would be better to ask her to join us on a beach trip when she can't go up and down stairs, can't go out on to the beach because she can't navigate walking on level flat ground to get her mail from the mailbox, let alone sand. I have offered a wheelchair or a power scooter to take her out here, but she is mortified at the thought of using either. Sounds like an awesome trip sitting on a chair at a rental house, not being able to go anywhere or do anything. It would be better to bring her with us on vacation where we have zero supports that are needed to care for her like her oxygen compressor. Better to set her up in the living room of a rental, in a hotel room, or at a restaurant with the big giant rolling can of oxygen that she hates and is embarrassed by and turns off when we are in public with it, further depleting her already compromised level of oxygen intake. She has fallen on several outings because she is embarrassed by her portable oxygen and refuses to use it. Silver lining, I would worry less about running out of oxygen since she refuses to use it. It would be so much better to have her fall and injure herself far from home on vacation because dealing with an injured elderly person is so easy under the best of circumstances at home, it's probably even easier in a strange place a long drive or plane ride away.

We offered to take her on vacation when she was younger so she could have dedicated time with her grandchild and so she could share an experience and a bonding time with her grandchild that my parents wouldn't get - she is majorly jealous and competitive with my parents and we saw vacations with her as a way of helping her feel better about her perception of disparity. Our child was in upper elementary and middle school when we offered to take her with us on vacation and well past needing hands on care. She could have enjoyed a resort day with the whole family and then gone to the movies or the arcade or watched movies in the hotel room with her grandchild. She could have travelled with us to NYC, spent the day sightseeing or shopping, and gone to see the Lion King with her grandchild. She could have gone to Florida and relaxed in the sun and then gone to watch our kid's golf or tennis lesson, or better yet taken a lesson herself. She refused to go repeatedly, her stated reason being that she did not want to leave her pets. I thought that was a stupid reason and it wouldn't be my choice, but she is an adult and gets to make her own choices, good or bad. And you are right, if she perceived that we were asking her to join us so she could babysit for free, she was well within reason to refuse. Now she sure seems to regret those choices though and she seems pretty upset when we go on a vacation ourselves. Her regret is unfortunate, but not something that is going to move me into taking her with us now when her infirmities make a trip to IHOP a nail biter. If that makes me a bad person, I am cool with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I never expect people to help me so I tell them what to do which is one of my more endearing traits I am sure. However, I learned long ago that we would not be traveling with my MIL. We offered over and over to take her on vacation with us. We offered a hotel room with her only grandchild and basically a week long sleepover. Go to dinner, have fun at one of the zillion activities at the resort or just go back to the room for movie time. We offered a beach trip with a rental house and regular one on one time with her only grandchild. Nope. So we stopped asking. No she is elderly, frail, a fall risk, and quite infirm in many other ways and she bellyaches any time we go on vacation anywhere, "I wish I could go!!!" "Are you all going away AGAIN???!!!" Uh. We asked you to join us for years and you said no. Now it is way too difficult to make sure you don't harm yourself so no, you won't be joining us.

You asked your MIL over and over to come be your babysitter on vacation. She continually turned you down so now you don’t invite her anymore? You’re crazy!

Well, they don't invite her because she's no use to them anymore! Why invite a presumably loved one who raised either you or your spouse when she not only can't earn her keep, but in addition would need some help and care from you?

You take the cake, OP of this post!

You're so right. It would be better to ask her to join us on a beach trip when she can't go up and down stairs, can't go out on to the beach because she can't navigate walking on level flat ground to get her mail from the mailbox, let alone sand. I have offered a wheelchair or a power scooter to take her out here, but she is mortified at the thought of using either. Sounds like an awesome trip sitting on a chair at a rental house, not being able to go anywhere or do anything. It would be better to bring her with us on vacation where we have zero supports that are needed to care for her like her oxygen compressor. Better to set her up in the living room of a rental, in a hotel room, or at a restaurant with the big giant rolling can of oxygen that she hates and is embarrassed by and turns off when we are in public with it, further depleting her already compromised level of oxygen intake. She has fallen on several outings because she is embarrassed by her portable oxygen and refuses to use it. Silver lining, I would worry less about running out of oxygen since she refuses to use it. It would be so much better to have her fall and injure herself far from home on vacation because dealing with an injured elderly person is so easy under the best of circumstances at home, it's probably even easier in a strange place a long drive or plane ride away.

We offered to take her on vacation when she was younger so she could have dedicated time with her grandchild and so she could share an experience and a bonding time with her grandchild that my parents wouldn't get - she is majorly jealous and competitive with my parents and we saw vacations with her as a way of helping her feel better about her perception of disparity. Our child was in upper elementary and middle school when we offered to take her with us on vacation and well past needing hands on care. She could have enjoyed a resort day with the whole family and then gone to the movies or the arcade or watched movies in the hotel room with her grandchild. She could have travelled with us to NYC, spent the day sightseeing or shopping, and gone to see the Lion King with her grandchild. She could have gone to Florida and relaxed in the sun and then gone to watch our kid's golf or tennis lesson, or better yet taken a lesson herself. She refused to go repeatedly, her stated reason being that she did not want to leave her pets. I thought that was a stupid reason and it wouldn't be my choice, but she is an adult and gets to make her own choices, good or bad. And you are right, if she perceived that we were asking her to join us so she could babysit for free, she was well within reason to refuse. Now she sure seems to regret those choices though and she seems pretty upset when we go on a vacation ourselves. Her regret is unfortunate, but not something that is going to move me into taking her with us now when her infirmities make a trip to IHOP a nail biter. If that makes me a bad person, I am cool with that.

Can I ask how old is your MIL? And why does she need oxygen? Was she a smoker?

[Anonymous]

She is in her 90s. What does it matter why she needs oxygen? She quit smoking 40+ years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the haters. Good for you for keeping a good face through this. I had a similar experience with my in-laws about 10 years ago. I wish I had been kinder, but they drove me crazy!!! They’ll be talking about this trip for the rest of their lives so keep up the good work in being positive. It will pay off. Hugs to you and keep us updated!!!

Last night before we head to the airport. They did thank us for “being our tour guides.” Aside from the complaining, I think they did appreciate it.

Well there you go. You got your pat on the back. Congrats, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is in her 90s. What does it matter why she needs oxygen? She quit smoking 40+ years ago.

I'm curious about variation in old age for my own well-being. I have an aunt who smoked for twenty years and quit too but she says she now has emphysema. I never smoked but had to breathe in all of her second hand smoke in our dingy apartment and I had childhood asthma.

[Anonymous]

Haha. My ILs are useless too. They insisted on renting a beach house with us a few years ago. Did not help with a single meal. Did not help at all with cleaning up (they took off a couple hours early to avoid the final cleanup). Did not help at all with kids. Basically, they pushed us to get this place and then acted like we needed to wait on them hand and foot the whole time. Uh, no thanks.

So we don't travel with them anymore. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

How was the trip home OP? Is the family still speaking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How was the trip home OP? Is the family still speaking?

trip home was fine. They're annoyed we suggested they go to the store 2 min from our house to pick a couple things up they want for the 2 days they're staying with us before they fly home. They want DH to take them even though he's leaving for a trip tomorrow and has to do laundry and repack for it. MIL is also annoyed he's going rather than staying with them (it's a milestone birthday party for a very old and dear friend of his).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How was the trip home OP? Is the family still speaking?

trip home was fine. They're annoyed we suggested they go to the store 2 min from our house to pick a couple things up they want for the 2 days they're staying with us before they fly home. They want DH to take them even though he's leaving for a trip tomorrow and has to do laundry and repack for it. MIL is also annoyed he's going rather than staying with them (it's a milestone birthday party for a very old and dear friend of his).

Well I hope one of you finds time to run them up to Five Guys for burgers and an extra large Coke with plenty of ice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How was the trip home OP? Is the family still speaking?

trip home was fine. They're annoyed we suggested they go to the store 2 min from our house to pick a couple things up they want for the 2 days they're staying with us before they fly home. They want DH to take them even though he's leaving for a trip tomorrow and has to do laundry and repack for it. MIL is also annoyed he's going rather than staying with them (it's a milestone birthday party for a very old and dear friend of his).

You say it’s 2 minutes away. Why can’t dh throw the clothes in the wash and take them? Did he tell them that he wasn’t going to be there before they booked their tickets? I’d be annoyed too knowing I was stuck with just you the next 2 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How was the trip home OP? Is the family still speaking?

trip home was fine. They're annoyed we suggested they go to the store 2 min from our house to pick a couple things up they want for the 2 days they're staying with us before they fly home. They want DH to take them even though he's leaving for a trip tomorrow and has to do laundry and repack for it. MIL is also annoyed he's going rather than staying with them (it's a milestone birthday party for a very old and dear friend of his).

You say it’s 2 minutes away. Why can’t dh throw the clothes in the wash and take them? Did he tell them that he wasn’t going to be there before they booked their tickets? I’d be annoyed too knowing I was stuck with just you the next 2 days.

Yes, of course they knew. They also said they’d make sure to help with anything we need when we get back from the trip, knowing how busy things would be.

[Anonymous]

Oh and because you find me so annoying, don’t worry: I’ll be at work tomorrow and Friday, so they won’t have to deal with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and because you find me so annoying, don’t worry: I’ll be at work tomorrow and Friday, so they won’t have to deal with me.

Enjoy! Will they be watching your kids those days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How was the trip home OP? Is the family still speaking?

trip home was fine. They're annoyed we suggested they go to the store 2 min from our house to pick a couple things up they want for the 2 days they're staying with us before they fly home. They want DH to take them even though he's leaving for a trip tomorrow and has to do laundry and repack for it. MIL is also annoyed he's going rather than staying with them (it's a milestone birthday party for a very old and dear friend of his).

You say it’s 2 minutes away. Why can’t dh throw the clothes in the wash and take them? Did he tell them that he wasn’t going to be there before they booked their tickets? I’d be annoyed too knowing I was stuck with just you the next 2 days.

Even better, Op just Instacart the food. Problem solved.