Minor rant: in Europe with completely useless in laws and a toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A two week vacation abroad with your ILs who don't regularly travel.

Were you actually high when you agreed to this OP????

There is no way on earth that was going to go well. None.

Get through it and don't agree to something like that again.

This. Plus 1 bajillion.
What were you thinking, OP?

I can barely stand my MIL for Thanksgiving; the thought of travelling with her provincial ass to Europe would simply never cross my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IL's like yours on a first time trip overseas usually go on tours where everything is done for them because they are basically clueless about how to get around. Have they complained about how late people eat? They will when they get to Rome! And why doesn't everyone speak English? Those damn Italians! Good luck!

Well, in Rome, nearly everyone they'll come in contact with will speak English, so that won't be a big issue.

Honestly, if I were your in-laws and taking my first trip abroad, I can't imagine wanting to go with adult kid, spouse, and toddler. I would think they'd want to have some couple time for themselves in two of the most romantic cities in the world. Can you suggest that they might enjoy some days and/or evenings for themselves?

Maybe that is what they'd prefer but they think your feelings will be hurt if they suggest that? You all can spend some separate time and then come together for a lunch or dinner, so a combo of alone time and together time so you all can enjoy the activities you like best.

OP here. We’ve suggested that to them and they say “oh we would have no idea where to go or what to do.” They got lost trying to do a hop on/hop off bus tour and said they were afraid they’d be out all night by themselves. They did afternoon tea on their own because we arranged the whole thing for them. They were actually ridiculously excited to go with us and the baby.

Why did they agree to go on this trip at all? Who is paying for it? Was there a purpose for the trip, other than simply vacationing in Europe? Is there a special anniversary or birthday that you all are celebrating together? How old are they: 60s, 70s, older?

Also, why is it that they haven't traveled much? Lack of interest or were they saving money and taking care of their children's needs all those years?
Sorry for all the questions, but you might get different helpful suggestions depending on the different possible situations.

Everyone is paying their own way. DH suggested it to them. They haven’t gone because “it’s too expensive and we wouldn’t know how to plan anything.” They’re 65. They’re enjoying seeing things, but just no end to complaining about the logistics and traveling around. Then there are comments from my MIL about the British Museum: “everything was old and it all looked the same to me.”

Well, I can see that if this wasn't done on their own initiative, they might just not be that interested in travel. And that's fine, but now you're sort of stuck for two weeks. They really shouldn't have ever agreed to go on the trip if they weren't that into it, it is not fair to you or them.

Just make the best of it. Take pictures, keep a journal that includes the funny things they say, breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. My dad apparently decided that his mom needed to travel so he and my mom took her on a few trips before they had kids. I'm not sure she really loved it, but they all had some nice memories of the trip, and some cute stories. So, maybe just look at it as doing a good deed, even if it turns out that it really isn't their thing. People like and dislike different things, and maybe travel is just in their "dislike" column, and that's okay.

I don’t know. All they kept saying is how excited they were. DH suggested it because they had always talked about wanting to go. I put together the itinerary based on everything they told me they wanted to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A two week vacation abroad with your ILs who don't regularly travel.

Were you actually high when you agreed to this OP????

There is no way on earth that was going to go well. None.

Get through it and don't agree to something like that again.

This. Plus 1 bajillion.
What were you thinking, OP?

I can barely stand my MIL for Thanksgiving; the thought of travelling with her provincial ass to Europe would simply never cross my mind.

It was DH’s idea. He wanted to help them do something they said they always wanted to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: Ice: DH needs to nip that complaining by showing mom an article I can't link, but he can get by searching
"Smithsonian magazine why don't other countries use ice cubes"

He can then tell his mom, with a big smile plastered on his face, it's part of the exciting, different being-abroad experience; she isn't going to get those cubes (though city restaurants often provide them, but only if asked); and she's free to drink nothing but room temp bottled water the rest of the trip. Next time she starts to mention ice, he can say every time: "Your American inflexibility is showing, and it's not a good look," then he needs to change the topic instantly.

As far as helping out--was that expectation ever clearly articulated to them before the trip? Now that you're on the trip, are you or DH ever asking outright for specific help in the moment, or are you hoping they'll see the need and step up in the moment? I agree with you that I'd expect adults to step in--but they may be the kind of people who wait to be asked because they think it's imposing or "getting in the way" if they take initiative to help. My mom and her friends of her generation tended to think they would be seen by us adult children as "interfering" or "seeming to doubt you" if they leaped in, but were very helpful if asked and given specific tasks. I agree with your frustration, OP! But I'd just step back and ask if I were expecting things to be offered that I could get by simply asking.

The ice thing is so annoying. This morning she said she didn’t want bottled water, but had to have an iced coffee drink. The great bakery we found said it’s not doing iced drinks anymore because it’s October, so we all went to a Starbucks so she could get her iced coffee. Then she complained they put too much ice in it (“why is it all wet and there’s so much ice?”)

As for the toddler: they are very involved with her when we’ve seen them before. I don’t know why they’ve been offering no help on this trip.

Ugh, my MIL is the exact same way about her iced coffee drinks. No day trip or errand, no matter how short, can be accomplished without a stop for sugar free vanilla iced coffee. Two weeks of that would send me over the edge too.

[Anonymous]

Grow the f up, op. No one is obligated to babysit or "help" with your child--and they probably would perform to your standards anyway. -- These are older people with no ravel experience who are provabaly feeling overwhelmed. People like you are what is wrong with the world. Try seeing life through a different filter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A two week vacation abroad with your ILs who don't regularly travel.

Were you actually high when you agreed to this OP????

There is no way on earth that was going to go well. None.

Get through it and don't agree to something like that again.

This. Plus 1 bajillion.
What were you thinking, OP?

I can barely stand my MIL for Thanksgiving; the thought of travelling with her provincial ass to Europe would simply never cross my mind.

She probably can't stand your smug, entitles, self-centered as either. See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grow the f up, op. No one is obligated to babysit or "help" with your child--and they probably would perform to your standards anyway. -- These are older people with no ravel experience who are provabaly feeling overwhelmed. People like you are what is wrong with the world. Try seeing life through a different filter.

They offered to babysit. If they hadn’t offered I never would’ve expected them to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IL's like yours on a first time trip overseas usually go on tours where everything is done for them because they are basically clueless about how to get around. Have they complained about how late people eat? They will when they get to Rome! And why doesn't everyone speak English? Those damn Italians! Good luck!

Well, in Rome, nearly everyone they'll come in contact with will speak English, so that won't be a big issue.

Honestly, if I were your in-laws and taking my first trip abroad, I can't imagine wanting to go with adult kid, spouse, and toddler. I would think they'd want to have some couple time for themselves in two of the most romantic cities in the world. Can you suggest that they might enjoy some days and/or evenings for themselves?

Maybe that is what they'd prefer but they think your feelings will be hurt if they suggest that? You all can spend some separate time and then come together for a lunch or dinner, so a combo of alone time and together time so you all can enjoy the activities you like best.

OP here. We’ve suggested that to them and they say “oh we would have no idea where to go or what to do.” They got lost trying to do a hop on/hop off bus tour and said they were afraid they’d be out all night by themselves. They did afternoon tea on their own because we arranged the whole thing for them. They were actually ridiculously excited to go with us and the baby.

Why did they agree to go on this trip at all? Who is paying for it? Was there a purpose for the trip, other than simply vacationing in Europe? Is there a special anniversary or birthday that you all are celebrating together? How old are they: 60s, 70s, older?

Also, why is it that they haven't traveled much? Lack of interest or were they saving money and taking care of their children's needs all those years?
Sorry for all the questions, but you might get different helpful suggestions depending on the different possible situations.

Everyone is paying their own way. DH suggested it to them. They haven’t gone because “it’s too expensive and we wouldn’t know how to plan anything.” They’re 65. They’re enjoying seeing things, but just no end to complaining about the logistics and traveling around. Then there are comments from my MIL about the British Museum: “everything was old and it all looked the same to me.”

Well, I can see that if this wasn't done on their own initiative, they might just not be that interested in travel. And that's fine, but now you're sort of stuck for two weeks. They really shouldn't have ever agreed to go on the trip if they weren't that into it, it is not fair to you or them.

Just make the best of it. Take pictures, keep a journal that includes the funny things they say, breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. My dad apparently decided that his mom needed to travel so he and my mom took her on a few trips before they had kids. I'm not sure she really loved it, but they all had some nice memories of the trip, and some cute stories. So, maybe just look at it as doing a good deed, even if it turns out that it really isn't their thing. People like and dislike different things, and maybe travel is just in their "dislike" column, and that's okay.

I don’t know. All they kept saying is how excited they were. DH suggested it because they had always talked about wanting to go. I put together the itinerary based on everything they told me they wanted to do.

If they had really wanted to go, I do believe they would have gone on their own. My parents had never traveled because they were saving everything for us kids to go to college. Now that college tuitions have been completely paid for, they have gone on a number of trips on their own, trips that they planned to places that had always talked about. They have had a blast on their trips, and I am so happy for them. But this is something they had always talked about for the future when they could afford it, not something someone else suggested and they just went along for the ride.

This couple sounds as though they are only on this trip at their son's suggestion. It wasn't really their idea and they don't appear to have any ownership of the whole idea of this trip. Is there any possibility at all that you and your husband were thinking it might be nice to have them along to help with your toddler? If so, that probably wasn't completely fair to them.

If, otoh, you were just hoping to show them Europe since they'd never had the chance to go before, that was sweet of you and your husband, but now you know that this just isn't their thing. So just make the best of this trip and don't make plans for this type of trip again in the future.

[Anonymous]

Ugly Americans alert...so do they also complain about the food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A two week vacation abroad with your ILs who don't regularly travel.

Were you actually high when you agreed to this OP????

There is no way on earth that was going to go well. None.

Get through it and don't agree to something like that again.

This. Plus 1 bajillion.
What were you thinking, OP?

I can barely stand my MIL for Thanksgiving; the thought of travelling with her provincial ass to Europe would simply never cross my mind.

These in-law threads are Mean Girl magnets. I hope you all get daughters-in-law exactly like yourselves. (And no, I'm not a MIL; my oldest is 15).

[Anonymous]

OP: my teen aged DDs were seasoned travelers but on an extended trip at about the week point like your ILs they just wanted familiarity. They found a place called Johnny Rockets (it truly wasn’t THE chain. I stomped off angry that they weren’t taking in all the culture etc etc. That recharged them and changed mood for all. Why not make tomorrow a super simple ‘familiar’ day for them. Your vision of breezing through all the sights and sounds obviously is not theirs. They are thrilled to be included so embrace that and see the trip from their eyes as much as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What did you expect, OP? They haven't gone abroad before and presumably weren't helpful with the kid in the past.

I don't expect anyone to help me unless I have confirmed with them that they will do X, Y, Z.

Yes, what did you expect? And do you regularly expect them to be your kid's babysitter?

No not at all. They offered to babysit “every night” and now do nothing but complain. “I can’t watch my shows. The room is cold. I don’t have my drinks.”

So all they're doing is complaining? Ignore them and go about your business. Make your sight-seeing plans with your son and DH. They can come or not. Have DH manage them, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: my teen aged DDs were seasoned travelers but on an extended trip at about the week point like your ILs they just wanted familiarity. They found a place called Johnny Rockets (it truly wasn’t THE chain. I stomped off angry that they weren’t taking in all the culture etc etc. That recharged them and changed mood for all. Why not make tomorrow a super simple ‘familiar’ day for them. Your vision of breezing through all the sights and sounds obviously is not theirs. They are thrilled to be included so embrace that and see the trip from their eyes as much as you can.

I will try to do that for them. It’s a good idea.

This trip really was meant to be for them. They kept talking about wanting to go to London and Rome and were telling all their friends how amazing it is that we organized this trip. I never got the impression they thought being with our toddler was a hindrance; if anything they keep wanting more time with her. I think they just underestimated how unfamiliar everything would be (even in London!) and are overwhelmed. My MIL is significantly overweight and said her feet were swollen after 2 days. We’ve been really trying to keep things slow for them, especially after hearing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A two week vacation abroad with your ILs who don't regularly travel.

Were you actually high when you agreed to this OP????

There is no way on earth that was going to go well. None.

Get through it and don't agree to something like that again.

This. Plus 1 bajillion.
What were you thinking, OP?

I can barely stand my MIL for Thanksgiving; the thought of travelling with her provincial ass to Europe would simply never cross my mind.

These in-law threads are Mean Girl magnets. I hope you all get daughters-in-law exactly like yourselves. (And no, I'm not a MIL; my oldest is 15).
+1 on all accounts, but I would add that immature, "self-centered and entitled to the description. Good grief, where do these women come from? I pity their poor family--and especially their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Wow - the remark about the British Museum reveals a lot. And the fact that they got lost on a Big Bus Tour! Your in-laws are definitely not cut out for a trip like this. Some folks are simply better suited to domestic travel, and if they do go abroad, they do better with a highly structured tour where everything is handled for them.