please tell me this won't be so bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'm supposed to be online from 7 am to 11 am to handle Europe. I can't do that and handle drop-off at 8:15. That takes me out of the house for at least 30 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

Have you ever lived outside DC? I have. In most places, you can't just hire someone to take your child to school. That's the reality of life in a rural area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

Have you ever lived outside DC? I have. In most places, you can't just hire someone to take your child to school. That's the reality of life in a rural area.

The excuses are unreal. And I dont live in DC. I'm familiar with rural areas. You can come up With a solution to this problem if you want to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

Have you ever lived outside DC? I have. In most places, you can't just hire someone to take your child to school. That's the reality of life in a rural area.

BS. There's a solution to every problem. You can hire people everywhere. Yes, I've lived the majority of my life outside of DC and outside of major metropolitan areas. She's not in a rural area, she's by a military installation. It won't even be that hard to find someone to hire because she can do it through the base.

Every person that has posted a useful or concrete suggestion has been met with a reason why OP can't or won't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

Have you ever lived outside DC? I have. In most places, you can't just hire someone to take your child to school. That's the reality of life in a rural area.

The excuses are unreal. And I dont live in DC. I'm familiar with rural areas. You can come up With a solution to this problem if you want to OP.

If you think they're excuses, I'm sorry. You really need to get out more.

God. I've read the threads on this same board bashing working mom who dare suggest their hire a SAHM to drive their kid to school. I'm not stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'm supposed to be online from 7 am to 11 am to handle Europe. I can't do that and handle drop-off at 8:15. That takes me out of the house for at least 30 minutes.

Then either hire someone to do it, find a carpool so that you do pick up and someone else takes her, or get an au pair/live in nanny. Really, it's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, there are actually schools that require 100 hours of volunteering? That is nuts. So basically the only children who are allowed to attend are ones with a SAHP.

That's about 2 hours per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

Have you ever lived outside DC? I have. In most places, you can't just hire someone to take your child to school. That's the reality of life in a rural area.

The excuses are unreal. And I dont live in DC. I'm familiar with rural areas. You can come up With a solution to this problem if you want to OP.

If you think they're excuses, I'm sorry. You really need to get out more.

God. I've read the threads on this same board bashing working mom who dare suggest their hire a SAHM to drive their kid to school. I'm not stupid.

I've been "out" and lived in places like OP is describing. I know exactly what the areas around bases are like. I don't know which one she's moving to, but they share commonalities. Which ones have you been posted to?

You can absolutely hire people to do this. You can find au pairs as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, 100 hours a year is not that much volunteer work. I bet you can do things at home, like cut out 75 paper pumpkins or shit like that.

Your real issue is that you seem to have no agency in your own life.

Well, yes. But I'm not really allowed to have it. I've had to turn down promotions, turn down some fantastic travel...I can't even do volunteer work of my choice because of DH's schedule (I wanted so badly to do CASA, but...). I know single parents manage and I'm not even a single parent, but it feels like I'm juggling too many balls.

You know, everyone who gets married and has kids has to make these kinds of compromises. Or they lose wealth by paying for help, which is also an option. It's called choosing the life you want. For whatever reason you've decided you will take on nearly all of the compromising and your husband will take on none. OK. But that means you also get to choose what that looks like.

Your kid is in school all day. You don't need a professional nanny. Whatever kind of good enough, reliable sitter you can find will be fine, really. Even another military wife who brings her kids. There are options other than you feeling sorry for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, 100 hours a year is not that much volunteer work. I bet you can do things at home, like cut out 75 paper pumpkins or shit like that.

Your real issue is that you seem to have no agency in your own life.

Well, yes. But I'm not really allowed to have it. I've had to turn down promotions, turn down some fantastic travel...I can't even do volunteer work of my choice because of DH's schedule (I wanted so badly to do CASA, but...). I know single parents manage and I'm not even a single parent, but it feels like I'm juggling too many balls.

You know, everyone who gets married and has kids has to make these kinds of compromises. Or they lose wealth by paying for help, which is also an option. It's called choosing the life you want. For whatever reason you've decided you will take on nearly all of the compromising and your husband will take on none. OK. But that means you also get to choose what that looks like.

Your kid is in school all day. You don't need a professional nanny. Whatever kind of good enough, reliable sitter you can find will be fine, really. Even another military wife who brings her kids. There are options other than you feeling sorry for yourself.

Apparently not. Pretty much every option offered in the thread has been countered with excuses.

[Anonymous]

I wish my wife was so "obedient". : )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

The boss basically told me to quit. I can't get a full days work in with drop-off/pick-up and this volunteer work. I can't handle the travel the job requires.

I did not choose the school. DH wanted DD to attend a Catholic school and there is only one in the area.

Ok. So you have a couple of issues, but one is that you need to tell your husband that your career matters, too. Not only does it matter because it is good for your mental health, it matters because you are person whose happiness and fulfillment is important.

So, either your husband can agree to throw money at this problem (pay someone to do drop-off and pick-up) or he can agree to public school. But one way or another, your needs and desires should not be subjugated to his in perpetuity.

I make less than half of what he does. It doesn't make sense to rock boat and insist my career matters.

Besides, it's too late.

It's not called rocking the boat to assert your needs in a marriage(WHICH IS A PARTNERSHIP)
It's never too late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If, somehow, I bet my manager for my job back, how do I also let him know about this volunteer requirement? Like, exact words? He doesn't understand DH's job or even issues revolving around deployments, so I know his first question will be, "Why does it all fall to you, and how will you work this to make sure we're not impacted here?"

You don't. Your manager doesn't give a shit about this stupid volunteer requiremnet, and neither should you. Stop worrying about it. Concentrate on what's important: your JOB. Do whatever little crap stuff they need (see PPs) about making copies, stuff you can do at home at night/weekends, the odd on site volunteer requirement. Who the hell cares if yuo hit 100 hrs? Don't worry about it.

Your manager also doesn't give a shit about your husband's job, nor should he. Not his problem. There are no issues revolving around deployment, plenty of people have no spouses and work while rearing children. Stop acting like such a victim and just get on with your job--tell him what he needs to hear, which is that you have a plan for how to get your work done. None of the details on your life need to be included, just show him that you CAN DO YOUR JOB. That's what he cares about.

You're missing the point. I can't do my job anymore, especially my early morning responsibilities - that's why I quit. I understand that. He needs someone reliable, and I'm not reliable.

No I didn't.

Of course you can do your early morning responsibilities. why are you different than everyone else?

I'll answer that. Because it's easier to whine and complain about than it is to build a plan and enact it. You can hire someone to take your kid to school. You can do your early morning responsibilities earlier. There are plenty of ways to work this out, and you don't want to hear them. You are also fixated on something that isn't really a problem--the 100 hr volunteer requirement.

Have you ever lived outside DC? I have. In most places, you can't just hire someone to take your child to school. That's the reality of life in a rural area.

The excuses are unreal. And I dont live in DC. I'm familiar with rural areas. You can come up With a solution to this problem if you want to OP.

If you think they're excuses, I'm sorry. You really need to get out more.

God. I've read the threads on this same board bashing working mom who dare suggest their hire a SAHM to drive their kid to school. I'm not stupid.

So ... you're not going to try, because you might get bashed on DCUM for trying? And, btw, those threads bash people who just assume a SAHM will do it. Go on facebook, find the "Ft. Polk (or whatever) Wives (or Spouses)" group, and post what you need. You will get a number of responses from women LOOKING to pick up a little extra cash doing whatever you want, probably for less money than you'll feel comfortable paying them.

How do I know? I'm a WAHM military spouse, too.

[Anonymous]

Wait. If OP needs to be online at 7:30, won't she be offline at more or less 3:30? That totally leaves time for volunteering.

If she were online at 6:30, she could e offline at 2:30 and handle pick-up for whichever family does drop-off for her.