please tell me this won't be so bad

[Anonymous]

The movers are at my house now. We're headed to some podunk city that was my last choice for military DH to take a command position - no chance of canceling this move.

I've had to quit the job I've been with through 6 moves and 17 years. DD starts kindergarten a few weeks from now, and her school requires the parents do 100 hours of volunteer work a year. My boss agreed that with that kind of requirement, drop-off/pick-up schedule and DH's inability to help with any of it, it's best I move on and find something else to do. I'm 40 and starting completely over, starting the SAHM game when I don't even have kids at home. I already miss my coworkers.

I have severe depression, social anxiety, and agoraphobia . I've set up an appointment with a counselor in the new town and have my meds in order until I can find a doctor, but I can't imagine doing 100 hours of volunteer work. Around people. Strangers. My God.

Please tell me this isn't going to be as bad as I think it will be?

[Anonymous]

What about a new school for DD?

[Anonymous]

Everything is going to be just fine. Change is hard on everyone (especially if you have anxiety), but just take one step at a time and everything will come together.

There are going to be other officers wives that you might really connect with. Also, join a gym when you get settled. It's a great way to ease into meeting new people - or stay focused with your headphones on and not talk to anyone if you'd like. But it might help you get out of the house and not feel so isolated.

[Anonymous]

Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a new school for DD?

The only other private school is 45 minutes from our house. They have a 50 hour volunteer requirement, but with the 1.5 hour drive each way, I'd have to be a SAHM anyway (no bus service).

[Anonymous]

Why does your kid have to go to that particular school? Assuming that changing schools isn't an option, request volunteer work that doesn't require a lot of personal interaction. You can log items for the school auction, or stuff envelopes, etc.

That said...it's going to be bad. Moving is a huge transition. Losing your job is a huge transition. It sounds like you are preparing for that--you've already set up an appointment with a counselor and you have stocked up on your meds. That's a good sign, because it means that you are realistic and proactive. So hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

The boss basically told me to quit. I can't get a full days work in with drop-off/pick-up and this volunteer work. I can't handle the travel the job requires.

I did not choose the school. DH wanted DD to attend a Catholic school and there is only one in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a new school for DD?

The only other private school is 45 minutes from our house. They have a 50 hour volunteer requirement, but with the 1.5 hour drive each way, I'd have to be a SAHM anyway (no bus service).

Private school for kindergarten? I'm guessing that's not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about a new school for DD?

The only other private school is 45 minutes from our house. They have a 50 hour volunteer requirement, but with the 1.5 hour drive each way, I'd have to be a SAHM anyway (no bus service).

Private school for kindergarten? I'm guessing that's not necessary.

It is if you want private elementary school, junior high, and high school...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

The boss basically told me to quit. I can't get a full days work in with drop-off/pick-up and this volunteer work. I can't handle the travel the job requires.

I did not choose the school. DH wanted DD to attend a Catholic school and there is only one in the area.

Ok. So you have a couple of issues, but one is that you need to tell your husband that your career matters, too. Not only does it matter because it is good for your mental health, it matters because you are person whose happiness and fulfillment is important.

So, either your husband can agree to throw money at this problem (pay someone to do drop-off and pick-up) or he can agree to public school. But one way or another, your needs and desires should not be subjugated to his in perpetuity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

The boss basically told me to quit. I can't get a full days work in with drop-off/pick-up and this volunteer work. I can't handle the travel the job requires.

I did not choose the school. DH wanted DD to attend a Catholic school and there is only one in the area.

Ok. So you have a couple of issues, but one is that you need to tell your husband that your career matters, too. Not only does it matter because it is good for your mental health, it matters because you are person whose happiness and fulfillment is important.

So, either your husband can agree to throw money at this problem (pay someone to do drop-off and pick-up) or he can agree to public school. But one way or another, your needs and desires should not be subjugated to his in perpetuity.

I make less than half of what he does. It doesn't make sense to rock boat and insist my career matters.

Besides, it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

The boss basically told me to quit. I can't get a full days work in with drop-off/pick-up and this volunteer work. I can't handle the travel the job requires.

I did not choose the school. DH wanted DD to attend a Catholic school and there is only one in the area.

DP Is there anyway you can change DH's opinion on the school? It seems rather unfair that you are making all the sacrifices. Losing your job, moving somewhere you do not want to live and forcing you to volunteer 100 hours! Yikes! He does not sound like a good guy at all.


I would seriously push back on the volunteering and school and try to get another job! Isn't there a neighborhood school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain this volunteer thing a little bit more. You are moving to a new town, and chose a school that requires 100 hours of volunteer time?

If you will be staying home, why does it matter that the boss agreed?

I'm not trying to be snarky, just trying to unravel the question a little.

The boss basically told me to quit. I can't get a full days work in with drop-off/pick-up and this volunteer work. I can't handle the travel the job requires.

I did not choose the school. DH wanted DD to attend a Catholic school and there is only one in the area.

DP Is there anyway you can change DH's opinion on the school? It seems rather unfair that you are making all the sacrifices. Losing your job, moving somewhere you do not want to live and forcing you to volunteer 100 hours! Yikes! He does not sound like a good guy at all.


I would seriously push back on the volunteering and school and try to get another job! Isn't there a neighborhood school?

It's kind of how this life is. I've been making sacrifices for a long time.

And no, no neighborhood school. I mean, there is, but it has pretty bad ratings and his coworkers told him to stay away. Kindergarten is fine, I'm sure, but the higher primary grades aren't, and we don't want to chance her being stuck there.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's gonna be bad. Sorry, OP. How can you not be resentful that all of his decisions basically destroyed your career? It's one thing to move - presumably you knew that was in the cards when you married him or when he chose the service - but for him to decide that the only school that will do will be the one that means you can't keep your job? Really? I hope that's hyperbole and you also agree with that decision because otherwise that is a lot to swallow.

OTOH, the volunteering will at least force you to meet people (it sounds like you are pretty introverted/anxious so that might be difficult for you) and maybe you'll meet a friend that will help.

[Anonymous]

Tell the school your husband is already "volunteering" his 100+ hours for the military. Or have him do it. Your mental health matters.