Ex Wife getting married to guy she had an affair with--question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but I have a question. Is there any way a judge can compell the mother pay for the father's legal bills since she's the one trying to change the custody agreement?

Yes, your lawyer should put that in his arguments to court--mom created this legal problem for dad so she has to pay dad's legal bills.

[Anonymous]

key to act fast BEFORE she moves them... the police aren't going to stop her from taking the kids there - that will be left to the court and mediation process, so you need to act fast because once she does move them (which may happen before you expect) it just gets that much harder to move them back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op she can't leave with the kids without your consent. Ain't gonna happen. But in my practice we have negotiated for clients, usually mom's to agree to move as well for a certain sum. One client had a huge pay increase in NYC and it was worth his money to pay for his wife's ex to move as well

Yes, it can. Been there, done that. Then court drags it on for years, especially in NY and then says kids are there and adjusted so they stay.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I had my lawyer email me the paperwork to get her on retainer. Biting the bullet, but I will do whatever it takes to keep my kids here in the district.
Also, I am over the affair, sorry I keep bringing that up.
Number one focus is the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

What the hell?! This is so biased it's unreal. No, Mom does not get to pick up and move THEIR children just because she has some new dick. The reality of divorce is that you are not free to make those decisions independently.

We don't know what all happened during OP's marriage.
Lots of people stay in terrible marriages until they find the strength to get out or a new real partner. No one leaves a marriage that has a good partner.

IF OP isn't used to being the default parent or primary parent or up to the multi-task of running his children's schedules, lives, activities ,etc. then he should calm down. Don't fight for something you will suck at, with terrible ramifications for the kids. No one can snap their fingers and suddenly be Mary Poppins reincarnated for years and years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

What the hell?! This is so biased it's unreal. No, Mom does not get to pick up and move THEIR children just because she has some new dick. The reality of divorce is that you are not free to make those decisions independently.

We don't know what all happened during OP's marriage.
Lots of people stay in terrible marriages until they find the strength to get out or a new real partner. No one leaves a marriage that has a good partner.

IF OP isn't used to being the default parent or primary parent or up to the multi-task of running his children's schedules, lives, activities ,etc. then he should calm down. Don't fight for something you will suck at, with terrible ramifications for the kids. No one can snap their fingers and suddenly be Mary Poppins reincarnated for years and years.

Are you even divorced???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. I was with OP up until the last couple of posts. Sounds like we could be heading into make believe territory. Slow reveals that he is a heavy drinker who does happy hour a lot. Would be happy to keep one kid...either we are seeing his true colors or he is just pot stirring...

but it's OK, because he goes from a few drinks at happy hour to his kids and "they just chill and watch movies." NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another horror story...

Marriage is a raw deal for men

The horror story is divorce for kids.

The men and women are adults.

This is the new Coparenting divorce hell of the last decade. Hell for everyone, can't even move for a better job, kids shuttling everywhere, one parent running all the logistics. Such a mess, you'd think people would work on their marriages if there were problems, not sign up for 15+ years of this. Or just have an open marriage. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

OP make sure you live in the school district they are both in now.

[Anonymous]

It's not clear from the OP but do you guys have 50/50 now or is she primary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean 'this is about her and not the kids'?

Is new guy good to kids?

If he is, let her move providing you/they can afford flights or travel. This is life. Is she a good mom?

I knew a dick dad who refused and so he got custody until the kids were 12 and then they moved to moms province and barely spoke to him again. They were 6 & 9 when it happened.

What the hell?! This is so biased it's unreal. No, Mom does not get to pick up and move THEIR children just because she has some new dick. The reality of divorce is that you are not free to make those decisions independently.

We don't know what all happened during OP's marriage.
Lots of people stay in terrible marriages until they find the strength to get out or a new real partner. No one leaves a marriage that has a good partner.

IF OP isn't used to being the default parent or primary parent or up to the multi-task of running his children's schedules, lives, activities ,etc. then he should calm down. Don't fight for something you will suck at, with terrible ramifications for the kids. No one can snap their fingers and suddenly be Mary Poppins reincarnated for years and years.

Thanks PP for adding some humor to this thread. Hahahahahaha.

[Anonymous]

Asking to split the kids up is madness. We’re yiu drunk when you posted that? Do you really think that it’s healthy for your kids to be separated from each other, and for your daughter to know you preferred your son (you actually said “nothing against my daughter but...”). WTF, OP.

“You can take Lucy, if I can keep Billy” will keep their future therapists busy for years; it will damage BOTH kids.

[Anonymous]

Any updates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

No, the issue is whether a new marriage is a good enough reason for a former spouse to remove his/her kids from the area where the other spouse still lives and has regular contact with the kids. As another PP mentioned, when you divorce, you no longer have the freedom to make these decisions unilaterally.

Yep, this. The affair is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has speculated that a move would be terrible for the kids because they’re mad at OP’s wife for having an affair. But no one actually knows if the move would be that bad for them. She could very well be an outstanding mother and her new husband a great stepdad. The way their relationship started is irrelevant so stop focusing on that. The issue is how the kids will be treated now. Period.

No, the issue is whether a new marriage is a good enough reason for a former spouse to remove his/her kids from the area where the other spouse still lives and has regular contact with the kids. As another PP mentioned, when you divorce, you no longer have the freedom to make these decisions unilaterally.

Yep, this. The affair is irrelevant.

Only people that have affairs think it’s irrelevant