Disagreement with DH about breast lift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

isn't this the norm? all women stop sleeping with their husbands in their 40's and 50's. the discussion boards on this site confirm that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it! Happy wife, happy mom> international vacation.

Get a boob job since you are already doing the whole procedure. I am sure DH would LOVE that!
You will feel better about yourself and will try to improve further all aspect of your life.

Another idea: take a family vacation to Brazil and do it there where it’s much cheaper and doctors are much better. Not sure what you would need to do about recovery time, but plenty of people travel to California for plastic surgery so I guess Brazil would be the same.

It may be cheaper in Brazil but I have never heard that the doctors were “much better”.
This is terrible advice.

Actually a FS friend of mine had her boobs done in Mexico and was very happy with the result.

I'd never ever do this or recommend this to anyone. Any reputable doctor does regular follow-ups post surgery (1 week, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, etc, for example). A boob job shouldn't be like getting a hair cut when you go to get your vacation boobies and then bye, I'll never see you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's probably afraid he'll have to foot the bill on the boob surgery then you'll leave and some other guy will get to enjoy them.

I don't know that I've seen anything reliable, but I've heard stories of a correlation between breast augmentation and divorce.

I know a woman who got the mommy makover (tummy tuck and breasts) against her husband's wishes. She paid with her own money. He enjoyed the results for 6 months and then they broke up. Find a way to get him on board. Your marriage will suffer if you go against your husband's wishes.

[Anonymous]

I read this as "Disagreement With DH about Breast."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wonder what your issue is? You cannot fix your boobs through shapewear?

Yes, for the rest of the world to see, sure. But I don't want to have to wear shapewear when I am in bed with DH.

Do you HAVE TO wear shapewear in bed with DH? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do it! Happy wife, happy mom> international vacation.

Get a boob job since you are already doing the whole procedure. I am sure DH would LOVE that!
You will feel better about yourself and will try to improve further all aspect of your life.

Another idea: take a family vacation to Brazil and do it there where it’s much cheaper and doctors are much better. Not sure what you would need to do about recovery time, but plenty of people travel to California for plastic surgery so I guess Brazil would be the same.

It may be cheaper in Brazil but I have never heard that the doctors were “much better”.
This is terrible advice.

Actually a FS friend of mine had her boobs done in Mexico and was very happy with the result.

I'd never ever do this or recommend this to anyone. Any reputable doctor does regular follow-ups post surgery (1 week, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, etc, for example). A boob job shouldn't be like getting a hair cut when you go to get your vacation boobies and then bye, I'll never see you again.

She was based in MX at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

isn't this the norm? all women stop sleeping with their husbands in their 40's and 50's. the discussion boards on this site confirm that.

This is what OP wants to avoid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

isn't this the norm? all women stop sleeping with their husbands in their 40's and 50's. the discussion boards on this site confirm that.

So does my bed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

isn't this the norm? all women stop sleeping with their husbands in their 40's and 50's. the discussion boards on this site confirm that.

? No, all women in their 40's /50s don't stop sleeping with their DHs.

-signed a 48 yr old female who still has sex regularly with her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

isn't this the norm? all women stop sleeping with their husbands in their 40's and 50's. the discussion boards on this site confirm that.

? No, all women in their 40's /50s don't stop sleeping with their DHs.

-signed a 48 yr old female who still has sex regularly with her DH.

Do you feel attractive? Are you happy about the way you look? Just curious

[Anonymous]

1. People can be very judgy about cosmetic surgery and will be quick to criticize you for wanting to improve/enhance your appearance. This is just me but I think to each her own and do what makes you happy. You have every right to feel good about yourself - if looking physically attractive makes you happy THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Don’t drink the kool aid they are trying to serve on here.
2. I have a slight problem with a boob job or a lift having to be a family decision. I guess I would want my husband’s support and approval BUT how much does it really impact him? Financially yes - unless you have some money of your own outside of the household budget. Do you?
What if your DH wanted to make a large purchase (same $value) that you didn’t approve of? Would you have veto power?
The financial piece is tough but couples don’t always agree on spending. Compromise is often necessary. Beyond the financial aspect I think it is basically your decision.
3. Fake or perky boobs are not attractive?? Again, to each his/her own. Push up bras and breast enhancement surgery are huge industries. (Oops - pun). Sure I guess plenty of guys prefer sagging, drooping and wrinkly little breasts ... Your DH will probably find you just as attractive after a boob lift or a boob job because he loves you.
Maybe he needs some reassurance that you won’t run off with another man once you have nicer boobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 33 and getting Botox and fillers somewhat regularly. When time comes I will be happy to intervene with more invasive procedures. I am lucky to not need boob job, nose job or tummy tuck (maybe after baby number 3???) I feel better (I look really good from what friends and family say), my husband is really happy and proud and my kids are proud to have such a pretty mom. Win-win for everyone!

Also, I come from a family where looking good is important (men and women) so I value it a lot.

What would happen if someone had an accident and was horribly scared for life even with surgery? I think we all want to look good, but a family valuing looking good seems superficial, and a therapy waiting to happen.

You act like valuing beauty automatically rules out valuing ANYTHING else.

Oh, *I* am acting like valuing beauty rules out valuing anything else, and not that PP who posted how her family values looking good? Okaaaay.

[Anonymous]

You have every right to feel good about yourself

If your husband lusts after you, and if you look pretty good for your age, then not feeling good about your appearance is a little strange. Maybe therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

isn't this the norm? all women stop sleeping with their husbands in their 40's and 50's. the discussion boards on this site confirm that.

? No, all women in their 40's /50s don't stop sleeping with their DHs.

-signed a 48 yr old female who still has sex regularly with her DH.

Do you feel attractive? Are you happy about the way you look? Just curious

No, I don't feel very attractive without my clothes. I have small boobs and am self conscious about it. I am not overweight, but having large babies on my small frame did a number on my belly. I have the dreaded mother's apron over a c-section scar. However, DH always tells me I'm beautiful, makes me feel cherished, and I know he loves me.

I would probably have surgery to fix my belly if we were very wealthy and didn't have kids to take care of. But as it is, with a HHI $180K and two kids, I can't justify spending that much money (and time and have DH do all the childcare/cooking/housechores and work while I recover) just to make me feel better about myself. I have better things to spend our money on right now, like our retirement (DH and I want to retire early) and our kids' college fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. People can be very judgy about cosmetic surgery and will be quick to criticize you for wanting to improve/enhance your appearance. This is just me but I think to each her own and do what makes you happy. You have every right to feel good about yourself - if looking physically attractive makes you happy THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Don’t drink the kool aid they are trying to serve on here.
2. I have a slight problem with a boob job or a lift having to be a family decision. I guess I would want my husband’s support and approval BUT how much does it really impact him? Financially yes - unless you have some money of your own outside of the household budget. Do you?
What if your DH wanted to make a large purchase (same $value) that you didn’t approve of? Would you have veto power?
The financial piece is tough but couples don’t always agree on spending. Compromise is often necessary. Beyond the financial aspect I think it is basically your decision.
3. Fake or perky boobs are not attractive?? Again, to each his/her own. Push up bras and breast enhancement surgery are huge industries. (Oops - pun). Sure I guess plenty of guys prefer sagging, drooping and wrinkly little breasts ... Your DH will probably find you just as attractive after a boob lift or a boob job because he loves you.
Maybe he needs some reassurance that you won’t run off with another man once you have nicer boobs.

+1