Disagreement with DH about breast lift

[Anonymous]

I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.

[Anonymous]

Agree with your DH.

Wonder what your issue is? You cannot fix your boobs through shapewear?

[Anonymous]

Wonder what your issue is? You cannot fix your boobs through shapewear?

Yes, for the rest of the world to see, sure. But I don't want to have to wear shapewear when I am in bed with DH.

[Anonymous]

That's a tough one OP. I can sympathize with your predicament. Both of you have equally valid points.

Your point is how you feel about your yourself which will eventually lead to how you feel about being intimate with DH.

His point is that any surgery comes with risks and there is a cost to the surgery. The money could be spent on something for the whole family rather you.

I wish I had advice but I don't. I guess just keep talking with your husband about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.

Truth: Isn't he just concerned about the cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wonder what your issue is? You cannot fix your boobs through shapewear?

Yes, for the rest of the world to see, sure. But I don't want to have to wear shapewear when I am in bed with DH.

You're 44. It's a minor miracle you're bumping nasties anymore at all.

BTW, international vacations are sexier than artificially perky boobs.

[Anonymous]

He's probably afraid he'll have to foot the bill on the boob surgery then you'll leave and some other guy will get to enjoy them.

I don't know that I've seen anything reliable, but I've heard stories of a correlation between breast augmentation and divorce.

[Anonymous]

No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 years old and want to get a breast lift. I'm very unhappy with my appearance and feel unattractive, and am having trouble enjoying being intimate with DH because of it. DH is very opposed to the idea of my getting this surgery done. He agrees that there's an issue with sagging, but doesn't think its a big deal. He is also very concerned about something going wrong during the surgery - we have two kids and his view is that it would be selfish to undergo elective surgery for cosmetic reasons when there is a chance (albeit small) of something going wrong. He also thinks it would make more sense to use the money for something the family could all enjoy together, like an international vacation.

Am I being really selfish by wanting to do this? I can't imagine living the next 20 plus years feeling this unattractive, and I don't think I am going to be able to just move past this feeling on my own without having this done.

Truth: Isn't he just concerned about the cost?

Not all DHs are like your DH. Maybe some husbands are actually concerned about wives' wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

I am a physician and my wife occasionally brings various cosmetic surgery that she is interested in. I have always discouraged it for the same reasons as your DH. The risks of surgery are generally low, but the risk is not zero. Also cosmetic surgery is not covered by insurance so it can be costly.

[Anonymous]

Do it! Happy wife, happy mom> international vacation.

Get a boob job since you are already doing the whole procedure. I am sure DH would LOVE that!
You will feel better about yourself and will try to improve further all aspect of your life.

Another idea: take a family vacation to Brazil and do it there where it’s much cheaper and doctors are much better. Not sure what you would need to do about recovery time, but plenty of people travel to California for plastic surgery so I guess Brazil would be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wonder what your issue is? You cannot fix your boobs through shapewear?

Yes, for the rest of the world to see, sure. But I don't want to have to wear shapewear when I am in bed with DH.

You're 44. It's a minor miracle you're bumping nasties anymore at all.

BTW, international vacations are sexier than artificially perky boobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you're not being selfish. If it's truly that important to you, your husband should be supportive. Men don't understand the impact having babies has on women.

+1. Stop sleeping with him. Say you feel totally uninterested because of your body image. I bet he'll give in.

[Anonymous]

My husband would gladly pay for it if I wanted/ needed it (I am young so who knows maybe one day)

[Anonymous]

You're 44. It's a minor miracle you're bumping nasties anymore at all.

What???? I'm 44 not 84!