Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?

[Anonymous]

He went on trips and said they were "boys trips," but they were actually couples trips and you were the only one left out.

This isn't an issue about him bad-mouthing you when you were dating and never backtracking with his friends. This is an issue of him actively and recently trying to keep you at arms length, and presumably currently bad-mouthing you.

Time to get out. He's not a good spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call BS on the "marriage" part, here's why:
If these 2 were really married, I don't think the bros would be able to come at this so hard "when are you divorcing her?" etc., who does that to their friend? You would tell your friend to break up with a GF that way--but the wife? For 4 years w/2 kids? Nope.

Sounds to me like OP had 2 kids with a childish dude-bro who never really committed. Where is her family and his in this "marriage" scenario? I'd be telling my MIL and SIL exactly what this POS was doing to their grandkids if this was a legit marriage or LTR that was supported by a family.

Does this dude have a job? I bet he doesn't. Sounds like a man-child loser who may have other children and women in his life and all his friends know it which is why they're coming at him so hard with "just leave her bro"...Not saying any of this is right but IMO, this is what's really occurring and OP doesn't want to say on here because wow, she is getting howled down as it is.

The "friends" (not friends) maybe sound jealous that OPs DH found someone before they did? What an immature bunch, all around!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop making excuses for the mean child you married

+1

[Anonymous]

The friends aren't the problem. The husband is the problem.

He lies to you OP, he lies to his friends, he doesn't know his own mind. He's cruel and immature.

[Anonymous]

I know I'll get flamed for this but, OP are you from a southern hemisphere culture like certain (not all, of course) African or Italian, or Middle Eastern, south Asian--in particular African where multiple wives or 'goomars' are tolerated? That could explain how any of this happened.

Newsflash though, the is the USA, it is not the 19th century and you need to threaten to take him to court for alimony (or palimony if ur not really married) because this really is BS.

TEXT HIM A LINK TO THIS THREAD SO HE KNOWS THE DCUM POSSE KNOWS WHAT'S UP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get flamed for this but, OP are you from a southern hemisphere culture like certain (not all, of course) African or Italian, or Middle Eastern, south Asian--in particular African where multiple wives or 'goomars' are tolerated? That could explain how any of this happened.

Newsflash though, the is the USA, it is not the 19th century and you need to threaten to take him to court for alimony (or palimony if ur not really married) because this really is BS.

TEXT HIM A LINK TO THIS THREAD SO HE KNOWS THE DCUM POSSE KNOWS WHAT'S UP

Actually, two kids and getting pregnant before they got married? Sounds very White American or AA to me.

Immigranst minorities know better than getting pregnant before getting married.

Middle Eastern? South Asian? Really? These girls are not Putas and actually have their families watchful eyes on them..

[Anonymous]

OP, are these his only friends? Does he know anyone normal? Does he know anyone who is happily married? Maybe he just likes the drama. Some people grew up around drama, then they meet someone without drama - but they are uncomfortable because there is no drama, so they create it.

His friends sound like they don't want him to grow up or be happy - they want him to be a bro forever. Your DH is happy being controlled by manipulative people. That is not normal.
I knew someone like this in my 20's. Thank God she didn't marry the fool.

[Anonymous]

He's 30. Who cares who's a teen at heart? Who even has dude-bro friends at 30 who aren't married laying about encouraging their married friends to divorce their wife? No one does this. First call a lawyer and set up an appt. It's free. Then tell him ur going to counseling and he can come or not. He's going to pay for his bullshit one way or another.

Does he even have a job? You're not answering so I'm going to guess not. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect he’s bringing another woman to these couples trips you’re not invited to.

This is why he’s panicking.

Up until now his stories of being trapped in a bad marriage provided cover for bringing his AP on the Bro trips and to hang out with the guys. The affairs also explain why two friends don’t want to see him until he gets divorced. Some people can look the other way and even become enablers, some people cant.

Still, I can imagine it wouldn’t go over well if he told the friends that he was the a$$hole and really just wanted to use them to hide his affairs. That’s why he can’t have a conversation with the friends about this. He can’t just say “Sorry guys, this got out of hand, none of the horrible things I said about Larla are true.” Then he risks someone speaking up about the affairs or at the very least refusing to cover for him. Then he has to give up the affairs and he really really doesn’t want to do that.

The biggest indicator that there’s an affair or affairs are the two friends who want nothing to do with him until he gets divorced. They don’t want to support cheating and are staying away.

Perfect read of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'll get flamed for this but, OP are you from a southern hemisphere culture like certain (not all, of course) African or Italian, or Middle Eastern, south Asian--in particular African where multiple wives or 'goomars' are tolerated? That could explain how any of this happened.

Newsflash though, the is the USA, it is not the 19th century and you need to threaten to take him to court for alimony (or palimony if ur not really married) because this really is BS.

TEXT HIM A LINK TO THIS THREAD SO HE KNOWS THE DCUM POSSE KNOWS WHAT'S UP

Actually, two kids and getting pregnant before they got married? Sounds very White American or AA to me.

Immigranst minorities know better than getting pregnant before getting married.

Middle Eastern? South Asian? Really? These girls are not Putas and actually have their families watchful eyes on them..

+1
This post be DAF. Watch yourself, PP.

[Anonymous]

OP if your really want to get into the truth of it, grab one of the two friends that won't be friends with him anymore and have them tell you what's really going on.

Because they are "standing up" for something, and I doubt they are trying to get your DH to leave you for your DH's sake.

The reason they are not speaking to your DH is because he's cheating on you, lying to you, and badmouthing you, and they don't want to support him in his behavior.

So your DH has twisted it into "they won't be friends with me until I leave you," but the truth is more likely "we won't be friends with you while you cheat on your wife. Either leave her or stop cheating."

OP, I'm not one to jump to divorce, but what gives a person strength is to have explored the other options. I've been married 20 years, and we are happily married, and it's not always been a bed of roses. But the fact that I am not afraid to leave my husband, even though I'm a SAHM and we have kids, makes me approach the marriage not out of a sense of duty or entrapment or fear, but on equal terms. Children can sense that.

I don't mean that I've ever threatened to leave, but in my mind, I've figured out what and how my and my kids' leaving would happen. I've envisioned what a good life for my kids would be like if we were divorced. Then it is really a true free choice to stay.

You would never know this, looking at us, because we seem so bonded, so happily married. And the point is, that's because WE ARE bonded and happily married. Because I'm not trapped in "must make the marriage work for the kids' sake, no matter how bad the DH behavior" mode--the mode you are in.

[Anonymous]

Did you have vows at your wedding? Do you remember them or have a copy of them? Think over them. Did they include the traditional love and honor? Do you feel loved and honored? Do you want a husband who builds you up and respects you, or a husband who tears you down and trashes you? I'd walk away. I need to be with someone who loves me, in the very least at least LIKES me.

[Anonymous]

OP is probably in shock right now. Let’s try to be kind.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP who said if you want to contact his friends, contact the two who don’t speak to him anymore. There’s more to this story and they might fill you in on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect he’s bringing another woman to these couples trips you’re not invited to.

This is why he’s panicking.

Up until now his stories of being trapped in a bad marriage provided cover for bringing his AP on the Bro trips and to hang out with the guys. The affairs also explain why two friends don’t want to see him until he gets divorced. Some people can look the other way and even become enablers, some people cant.

Still, I can imagine it wouldn’t go over well if he told the friends that he was the a$$hole and really just wanted to use them to hide his affairs. That’s why he can’t have a conversation with the friends about this. He can’t just say “Sorry guys, this got out of hand, none of the horrible things I said about Larla are true.” Then he risks someone speaking up about the affairs or at the very least refusing to cover for him. Then he has to give up the affairs and he really really doesn’t want to do that.

The biggest indicator that there’s an affair or affairs are the two friends who want nothing to do with him until he gets divorced. They don’t want to support cheating and are staying away.

Perfect read of the situation.

+1

This seems the most accurate to me. PP here. My friend in her 20's (mentioned above) had a boyfriend whose "friends" arranged a "party" with hookers, because they couldn't get laid, but wanted to blame the party/hookers on the friend's boyfriend. Which may sound irrelevant, but point is OP's DH's friends are trying to bring him down with them, but don't want to be associated, at the same time. The "friends" are using him.