Blended family mess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are just little brats who are impossible for adults to get along with LOL

Good luck, OP. I don't believe blended families ever work, but I wish you luck.

Despite many blended families who are quite happy. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

[Anonymous]

OP, an in-home play date is the worst scenario for two kids who don't play well together. I understand that the pool doesn't work, but there is plenty to do this time of year that both kids could enjoy - go to a park, go on a hike, or to the beach (yes, I know the ones in this area aren't great, but they're little kids, they won't care), a museum, a water park, have a picnic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

OP you make no mention as to whether BF has a relationship with his son outside of their time together with you. Also, what is his status with his son's mother? And what does it mean his place isn't set up for guests? I lived in a similar sized apartment, and hosted my family of 4 adults twice a year for a couple weeks. This man is a father -- does he not take his kid there? Is dads place a secret from his kid? If everything is in the up and up, why not have everyone spend a little time at his place once in awhile? That way you and your kids can understand what it's like to be in someone else's territory. You know, walk in the kid's shoes so to speak. Or does BFs place not live up to your standards? If it doesn't, then that's just another sign that you're not a good match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

OP you make no mention as to whether BF has a relationship with his son outside of their time together with you. Also, what is his status with his son's mother? And what does it mean his place isn't set up for guests? I lived in a similar sized apartment, and hosted my family of 4 adults twice a year for a couple weeks. This man is a father -- does he not take his kid there? Is dads place a secret from his kid? If everything is in the up and up, why not have everyone spend a little time at his place once in awhile? That way you and your kids can understand what it's like to be in someone else's territory. You know, walk in the kid's shoes so to speak. Or does BFs place not live up to your standards? If it doesn't, then that's just another sign that you're not a good match.

It is a two bedroom apartment but is in pretty bad shape and is messy. He doesn't want to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

OP you make no mention as to whether BF has a relationship with his son outside of their time together with you. Also, what is his status with his son's mother? And what does it mean his place isn't set up for guests? I lived in a similar sized apartment, and hosted my family of 4 adults twice a year for a couple weeks. This man is a father -- does he not take his kid there? Is dads place a secret from his kid? If everything is in the up and up, why not have everyone spend a little time at his place once in awhile? That way you and your kids can understand what it's like to be in someone else's territory. You know, walk in the kid's shoes so to speak. Or does BFs place not live up to your standards? If it doesn't, then that's just another sign that you're not a good match.

It is a two bedroom apartment but is in pretty bad shape and is messy. He doesn't want to host.

Why do you want to marry a man who can't keep a 2br clean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

OP you make no mention as to whether BF has a relationship with his son outside of their time together with you. Also, what is his status with his son's mother? And what does it mean his place isn't set up for guests? I lived in a similar sized apartment, and hosted my family of 4 adults twice a year for a couple weeks. This man is a father -- does he not take his kid there? Is dads place a secret from his kid? If everything is in the up and up, why not have everyone spend a little time at his place once in awhile? That way you and your kids can understand what it's like to be in someone else's territory. You know, walk in the kid's shoes so to speak. Or does BFs place not live up to your standards? If it doesn't, then that's just another sign that you're not a good match.

It is a two bedroom apartment but is in pretty bad shape and is messy. He doesn't want to host.

Why do you want to marry a man who can't keep a 2br clean?

The point is, he doesn't want to host. He has shared custody and his son has a bedroom. Neither of them are inclined to be neat but it's not unsanitary or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

So it's completely ok for his younger kid to have to bring things to do at your house while your children ignore him, but your older kid can't bring something to entertain himself for a couple hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

So it's completely ok for his younger kid to have to bring things to do at your house while your children ignore him, but your older kid can't bring something to entertain himself for a couple hours?

OP here, as I said above, he has said he doesn't want to host.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

So it's completely ok for his younger kid to have to bring things to do at your house while your children ignore him, but your older kid can't bring something to entertain himself for a couple hours?

OP here, as I said above, he has said he doesn't want to host.

Tell him to cry you a river. Relationships and parenting often require us to do things we don't want to do.

What do you see in this man that makes it worth putting up with his bad parenting, lack of reciprocity, and untidiness?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, if you care about this kid at all, you should definitely encourage his dad to sign him up for swim lessons, regardless of whether he goes to the pool with you. It's a life skill, and its dangerous not to know how to do it.

I have. I agree with you.

And you should suggest he get the lessons at a pool near where the kid is most of the time, and can access regularly. It shouldn't be associated with you. It should be for him and his kid.

At this point, if the relationship moves forward, I'm sure the kid will view it as something he has to do to appease/satisfy dad's GF. Good luck getting the kid near a pool after that.

OP here, I was mentioning the pool mostly because it's what we do on the weekends if it's not raining. My kids would be annoyed if they had to stay home and putter around the house on a nice day just to appease my BF and his son. The fact that he won't swim just means that we have less time to get together. Ultimately it's up to his parents to make sure he learns to swim or not. But again, taking the summer off seems like a good idea.

Try shifting this around - because your kids won't do what BF's kid likes to do, you have less time to get together.

The pool is not the only thing to do in the summer. Forcing BF's kid outside his own comfort zone, while your kids get to stay in theirs, all summer is not the only thing you can do.

I understand the issues you have with his parenting, but it also sounds like you have a lot of "our way is right" going on. Some people don't like the pool. I only go to the pool because my kids love it. If they hated it, we could go bowling instead, which is what we did before they could swim and decided they preferred hanging at the pool.

If BF doesn't like all the activities that GF plans, he needs to step up and suggest things to do. Or have son bring stuff to do. Why does OP have to do all the work and then get blamed?

Does BF even know what his son likes to do? If he doesn't live with his son, he could be very disconnected. That's why I suggest BF spend more time alone with kid, and maybe have blended time on a rainy day, or maybe every other month. I wonder what kid of co-parent was with the child's mother?

I'm betting he doesn't, and that this relationship is pretty new. The whole "our kids like completely opposite things" for a 6 and 7 year old? No overlap? And not being able to spend time at BFs for unexplained reasons.

It just sounds fishy.

OP here. His apartment is tiny and there wouldn't be anything for my older kid to do. I think the apt is maybe 700 sq feet. I'm there all the time, but it's not really set up to have guests over.

OP you make no mention as to whether BF has a relationship with his son outside of their time together with you. Also, what is his status with his son's mother? And what does it mean his place isn't set up for guests? I lived in a similar sized apartment, and hosted my family of 4 adults twice a year for a couple weeks. This man is a father -- does he not take his kid there? Is dads place a secret from his kid? If everything is in the up and up, why not have everyone spend a little time at his place once in awhile? That way you and your kids can understand what it's like to be in someone else's territory. You know, walk in the kid's shoes so to speak. Or does BFs place not live up to your standards? If it doesn't, then that's just another sign that you're not a good match.

It is a two bedroom apartment but is in pretty bad shape and is messy. He doesn't want to host.

Why do you want to marry a man who can't keep a 2br clean?

The point is, he doesn't want to host. He has shared custody and his son has a bedroom. Neither of them are inclined to be neat but it's not unsanitary or anything.

Well there you have it. You seemed to suggest before that he couldn't host in some way because of his living situation. The fact is that he won't host because he's happy to have you do all the work. Otherwise, it would be an easy matter to either leave your older son at home for a couple hours and go without him or drop him off at a friend's house or something. This dude just wants a wife so someone else will do all the heavy lifting.