Any quality 30+ guys left?

[Anonymous]

OP, if I were you, I would look up cities with technology scenes and a low cost of living as well as more single men than single women - Boulder and Austin come to mind, but there are also others.

If you are serious about finding someone, you should consider moving to one of these cities. You'll have a MUCH easier time pairing up with someone with whom you'll be able to live comfortably, i.e. afford to buy a house and not have an awful commute, etc.

[Anonymous]

My guess is the OP is a solid 5 or 6 but thinks she is a 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, thanks for this thread, OP!

I've been very cranky lately about my math phd DH who is 34 and never managed to get a tenure track job. He is currently looking to transition into industry where apparently he can start at between 150-250k base salary. I have been freaking out about this major transition and feeling terrified about the future because I feel like we are both so old for that kind of upheaval, and I have been resentful that we haven't yet been able to start a family. I am 32 like you.

After reading the replies to this thread, I think I am going to go give my DH the best blow job of his life and make a pact never to bitch about my life again. God, I hope he doesn't figure out his value (he is very attractive, too) before we have kids. He'd probably dump me for being as big of a B as I've been...

He's 34 and too old to make a change? I was 42 when I moved to D.C. for a new career!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A good catch:

- Has a respectable career earning a decent living = 150k+

I laffed. Not only did I laff, but I guffawed.

You think $150k+ a "decent" living. Your expectations are clearly out of whack.

Why don't you post a photo of yourself in this thread so we can determine whether you are not only worthy of a man making $150k but if you are capable of snagging one.

We'll be waiting.

I am a size 2, fit petite brunette who gets told she looks 25 and resembles Eva Longoria all the time. I love hiking, cats and lifting. I am great with children (neighborhood babysitter growing up) and have a Philosophy degree from Bryn Mawr. I do not earn a very good living and make 60k in fundraising. I do not think my requirements are outlandish. Everyone I know is married to guys with a similar profile.

If everyone you know is married to guy's with a similar profile and you're not that means you likely are the one that is lacking. I've seen this a couple of my wife's friends. Similar circle. All the husbands are of a similar status level but the couple perpetual single girlfriends will not be set up with anyone they see as "lesser" than their friends husbands. Here's the honest truth from a 30's guy that fits your profile, for the both of those friends of my wife I'd happily go out for drinks and would love to have had a go in bed with them in my single days but I can't imagine dating them seriously. Their personality precludes it.

Your post reminds me of them immensely. I'd never take the chance on a ltr with someone that categorizes me on requirements like that. Especially on 150k salary at a mid career point. I'd never trust she liked me for me, or that she wasn't ultimately after my trust funds. Would she even stick around if experienced hardship, as you know the wedding vows state you're supposed to? And the guys who are cool with a girl who significantly values their money/income; bad news. They're going for a much younger model vehicle than you. Doesn't matter how fit you are or how much you lift.

As a fellow philosophy major I think you've lost your focus. You're requirements look incredibly superficial on paper. If was single, I'd dig a hot philosophy major who I could bond with over common interests. You being in your 30's wouldn't be an issue. I met my wife when she turned 30 and I chose her over a multitude of younger women I was casually dating at the time. Stop focusing on a checklist and start looking for the Good again. Figure out the ethical qualities you want in a partner and go for that. And imagine the type of person your dream partner would want to date and start improving yourself towards that.

Lots of philosophy majors around here. I get your point and I think you make some good recs for OP, but I also don't think her "standards" are unreasonable. If she lives in the DC area, wanting a partner who makes $150k is certainly not "gold digging," as you'll be living a comfortable but not extravagant life. It's high enough that they will be able to afford a mortgage in the area. Less, and you're looking at high-rise condos (which are a bad investment) or perpetual renting instead of the modest, older houses that they'll be able to afford on $200k.

Anyone who wants to jump on me for being okay with the OP being able to afford a house with her prospective husbands, flame away. I don't think she is being unreasonable. I also don't think this salary number rules out 95% of men as some have said in this thread. Maybe that percentage is right for the whole country, but not in this area. I may be wrong about this.

If she had said 75-100k I would have given her lots more leeway on the gold digger angle. A household income of that range in combination with hers and decent monetary habits would easily put you in the category of being able to afford a 500k home. There are still a lot of great starter homes in the DMV for that price. 100k downpayment could be made easy in 3 years with good saving habits and that's assuming that neither partner already has savings. At that point with current rates your payment would only be 1900, much less than rent for a lot these new apartments.

One of my issues with her is that she's looking for a fairytale prince wanting someone who makes 150k a year and isn't a workaholic. That's like planning for retirement by playing the lottery. Sure there's a chance that you land that but its so rare it's the exception rather than the rule. People who make 150k, even in this city work. And work a lot and work hard. If she wants the lifestyle that comes with 150k salary thats fine but it's hurting her dating life by putting that on her imaginary future spouse instead of leveraging her own career to get her to that salary.


Also I don't like cats so that might have factored in also. My dogs just wouldn't take the addition of a feline sibling lightly.

I'm not sure I get this - she wants the guy to also have hobbies and interests and be nice. Not sure how that is controversial.

500k gets you squat near DC these days. Really. Terrible prospects. You need 600k to get into a modest shack in a decent school district. There's your extra 50k right there.

If that is what she wants, she should go out and earn it for herself. She said she is in fundraising which can pay very well. Seems to me that instead of taking some responsibility for herself, she'd rather put her career on the back burner and find a guy to provide the lifestyle for her.

I'm not disagreeing with you here, I am just saying the people yelling gold digger around here must be from out of town. Around here 150k is modest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, thanks for this thread, OP!

I've been very cranky lately about my math phd DH who is 34 and never managed to get a tenure track job. He is currently looking to transition into industry where apparently he can start at between 150-250k base salary. I have been freaking out about this major transition and feeling terrified about the future because I feel like we are both so old for that kind of upheaval, and I have been resentful that we haven't yet been able to start a family. I am 32 like you.

After reading the replies to this thread, I think I am going to go give my DH the best blow job of his life and make a pact never to bitch about my life again. God, I hope he doesn't figure out his value (he is very attractive, too) before we have kids. He'd probably dump me for being as big of a B as I've been...

He's 34 and too old to make a change? I was 42 when I moved to D.C. for a new career!

Yeah, I am trying to get real and stop complaining. It's just fear of the unknown and dealing the uncertainty. C'est la vie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, thanks for this thread, OP!

I've been very cranky lately about my math phd DH who is 34 and never managed to get a tenure track job. He is currently looking to transition into industry where apparently he can start at between 150-250k base salary. I have been freaking out about this major transition and feeling terrified about the future because I feel like we are both so old for that kind of upheaval, and I have been resentful that we haven't yet been able to start a family. I am 32 like you.

After reading the replies to this thread, I think I am going to go give my DH the best blow job of his life and make a pact never to bitch about my life again. God, I hope he doesn't figure out his value (he is very attractive, too) before we have kids. He'd probably dump me for being as big of a B as I've been...

He's 34 and too old to make a change? I was 42 when I moved to D.C. for a new career!

This place seems to be filled with rigid, type-A personalities who prefer a lot of structure and predictability in their lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Ivy philosophy major man here. It's not that hard to find $150 types here. You just have to know where to look. $150 is GS 15, however, which is the top of the GS scale. So if a fed makes it to $150, that's probably as much as he'll ever make. Some make more by getting promoted to the Senior Executive Service, but that's very few and they're never young. If $150 is enough, know where to look. It's hard at most government agencies, like the IRS, because only managers are GS 15 there. At DOJ, however, most trial lawyers end up as GS 15 if they stay long enough even if they never become managers, and many trial lawyers never want to be managers, and may still be young. Of course, if they don't stay long enough they'll wind up in big law and make much more. The challenge is meeting DOJ men. They keep them behind locked doors. There's an annual meeting of lonely tax lawyers at the Reagan Center attended by both big law and DOJ tax lawyers. If you're hot and outgoing, you could easily meet someone there.

[Anonymous]

Ivy philosophy major man here. It's not that hard to find $150 types here. You just have to know where to look. $150 is GS 15, however, which is the top of the GS scale. So if a fed makes it to $150, that's probably as much as he'll ever make. Some make more by getting promoted to the Senior Executive Service, but that's very few and they're never young. If $150 is enough, know where to look. It's hard at most government agencies, like the IRS, because only managers are GS 15 there. At DOJ, however, most trial lawyers end up as GS 15 if they stay long enough even if they never become managers, and many trial lawyers never want to be managers, and may still be young. Of course, if they don't stay long enough they'll wind up in big law and make much more. The challenge is meeting DOJ men. They keep them behind locked doors. There's an annual meeting of lonely tax lawyers at the Reagan Center attended by both big law and DOJ tax lawyers. If you're hot and outgoing, you could easily meet someone there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ivy philosophy major man here. It's not that hard to find $150 types here. You just have to know where to look. $150 is GS 15, however, which is the top of the GS scale. So if a fed makes it to $150, that's probably as much as he'll ever make. Some make more by getting promoted to the Senior Executive Service, but that's very few and they're never young. If $150 is enough, know where to look. It's hard at most government agencies, like the IRS, because only managers are GS 15 there. At DOJ, however, most trial lawyers end up as GS 15 if they stay long enough even if they never become managers, and many trial lawyers never want to be managers, and may still be young. Of course, if they don't stay long enough they'll wind up in big law and make much more. The challenge is meeting DOJ men. They keep them behind locked doors. There's an annual meeting of lonely tax lawyers at the Reagan Center attended by both big law and DOJ tax lawyers. If you're hot and outgoing, you could easily meet someone there.

LOL...aka mostly former Biglaw workaholics, future Biglaw workaholics, or Biglaw washouts/underachievers.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish you all the luck and hopefully you will meet the right person soon! keeping fingers crossed for you.

[Anonymous]

Christ people this thread is eyeopening.. 150k is NOT an absurd threshold at all!!! I don't think I know any guys making LESS than that and I'm in my late 20's.

Not trolling, just, wow- guess not many come from SF/NYC/Boston where that's completely normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christ people this thread is eyeopening.. 150k is NOT an absurd threshold at all!!! I don't think I know any guys making LESS than that and I'm in my late 20's.

Not trolling, just, wow- guess not many come from SF/NYC/Boston where that's completely normal.

How special for you. I know many people who don't earn that much. Maybe you could use your circle to help set up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christ people this thread is eyeopening.. 150k is NOT an absurd threshold at all!!! I don't think I know any guys making LESS than that and I'm in my late 20's.

Not trolling, just, wow- guess not many come from SF/NYC/Boston where that's completely normal.

It's really not "completely normal." Yes, if you are in certain industries in those cities everyone is making big money. But outside of those industries, salaries are much much lower. Even glamorous jobs in entertainment, media, and marketing/PR, you will be hard pressed to find someone making 150k who isn't management. I know because I work in one of those non-legal/financial/tech fields. Breaking through that threshold is much harder than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christ people this thread is eyeopening.. 150k is NOT an absurd threshold at all!!! I don't think I know any guys making LESS than that and I'm in my late 20's.

Not trolling, just, wow- guess not many come from SF/NYC/Boston where that's completely normal.

As stated earlier in this thread an early 30s man making $150k would be in the top 1% or so of his age group and in the top 4% of all income earners in the country. Even if you account for gender disparities, by age group she's probably talking about less than 4% of men in that age group and less than 8% of all men regardless of age. How precisely is that not an absurd threshold?

What you are observing is that people in this income bracket are clustered in specific job types. Medicine, tech, high finance, certain legal jobs, etc. You just happ n to socialize in one of those groups so you feel like that threshold is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, thanks for this thread, OP!

I've been very cranky lately about my math phd DH who is 34 and never managed to get a tenure track job. He is currently looking to transition into industry where apparently he can start at between 150-250k base salary. I have been freaking out about this major transition and feeling terrified about the future because I feel like we are both so old for that kind of upheaval, and I have been resentful that we haven't yet been able to start a family. I am 32 like you.

After reading the replies to this thread, I think I am going to go give my DH the best blow job of his life and make a pact never to bitch about my life again. God, I hope he doesn't figure out his value (he is very attractive, too) before we have kids. He'd probably dump me for being as big of a B as I've been...

He's 34 and too old to make a change? I was 42 when I moved to D.C. for a new career!

This place seems to be filled with rigid, type-A personalities who prefer a lot of structure and predictability in their lifestyle.

You are right. If you don't like structure and long term planning, DC is not for you. I like those things, so I am happy here.