How much does weight matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's say that some guy posted here that he was a 40 year old truck driver, no degree, making $40K per year, but he he has a six-pack (the abdominal kind), so he couldn't understand why he can't find an attractive woman to marry him in DC. This is basically what OP's friend looks like from a male perspective. You would almost certainly advice him to either go back to school and get a degree, or to lower his standards.

He wouldn't have this issue. He'd lie about his job and his social economic status, he'd lay the wood to these women and then he'd move on to the next victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful, intelligent, kind and outgoing friend. She has a pretty face and is perfect on paper; the only exception is that she is probably 50 lbs overweight. Is there something in the water in DC that makes guys here only want skinny women? Obviously there are millions of happily partnered women who happen to be fat. She had much better luck dating in other cities. Is DC a particularly difficult dating pool for overweight women, or is it just a coincidence that since moving here, she's had zero luck? She is well educated, makes a great salary, and is sexually open. She's kind of a "dream girl" so weight must be the only thing holding her back. Any insight from women who've been in her shoes? Would she do better is she relocated? She really wants marriage and a family. Or any insight from men? I'm on the verge of telling her to move to the Midwest.

I was in her shoes, about 40 pounds over weight, and I had a hard time getting dates. It took almost 18 months but I lost the weight and it made a big difference in my dating life. Part of it was that I felt so much better about myself that it affected my personality. I've been married for almost ten years and have been able to keep it off even after having two children. It hasn't been easy but i totally changed my diet and started exercising and i've made better eating and exercise a mandatory part of my life. It wasn't until we were engaged that my DH ever saw a picture of the old me. He was very sweet but I'm sure the old me would not have gotten his attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

DP

Initial attraction is important. Initial impression is important. So, if a person isn't attracted to you visually or personally then it's hard to get past that. That's not a character flaw it's simply a part of human nature.

So, if that attraction is there and a relationship develops, and it does so to a point of marriage, there is far less to be concerned about down the road. Mature individuals know that one cannot expect a person to remain exactly as they were at the start of a relationship.

I could not disagree more. There is much to be concerned about "down the road".
Sustained attraction (not just initial attraction) is important.
One certainly can expect his/her spouse will continue to care about maintaining an attractive weight.

[Anonymous]

50 lbs overweight is a lot. At that point it's not only a looks issue but there's very real health concerns associated with being that overweight. Certainly reasonable for a potential mate to have concerns in this regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

DP

Initial attraction is important. Initial impression is important. So, if a person isn't attracted to you visually or personally then it's hard to get past that. That's not a character flaw it's simply a part of human nature.

So, if that attraction is there and a relationship develops, and it does so to a point of marriage, there is far less to be concerned about down the road. Mature individuals know that one cannot expect a person to remain exactly as they were at the start of a relationship.

I could not disagree more. There is much to be concerned about "down the road".
Sustained attraction (not just initial attraction) is important.
One certainly can expect his/her spouse will continue to care about maintaining an attractive weight.

I agree that sustained attraction is important. I've been married 35 years and while my DH and I are both over our wedding weight we both try pretty hard to stay reasonably trim and fit. Periodically we will jointly diet and that is very helpful. We know that carrying too much extra weight is not healthy nor easy on the joints. Finally, we still have a very active sex life and being reasonably fit and trim has probably had something to do with it. I don't think I'd want some obese guy lying on top of me.

[Anonymous]

Enough people have weighed in (see what I did there)?

But if losing weight isn't an option, your friend needs to move the playing field away from cursory interactions to where her amazing qualities can shine through. Less bars and tinder, more volunteer activities and group social activities like meetups or college alumni service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

DP

Initial attraction is important. Initial impression is important. So, if a person isn't attracted to you visually or personally then it's hard to get past that. That's not a character flaw it's simply a part of human nature.

So, if that attraction is there and a relationship develops, and it does so to a point of marriage, there is far less to be concerned about down the road. Mature individuals know that one cannot expect a person to remain exactly as they were at the start of a relationship.

I could not disagree more. There is much to be concerned about "down the road".
Sustained attraction (not just initial attraction) is important.
One certainly can expect his/her spouse will continue to care about maintaining an attractive weight.

"Mature individuals know that one cannot expect a person to remain exactly as they were at the start of a relationship."

That wasn't meant to imply that it isn't important to strive to maintain to the best of their ability. But how does one know at the outset of a relationship or even when they walk down the aisle that things might change beyond their control? My point was simple, there is a a beginning and that beginning determines whether there will be anything beyond it.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing sadder than an overweight woman who would be hot if she were reasonably thin, or at least just not fat. I have lost 50+ pounds twice in my life and it isn't that difficult, in fact it's fun.

Some reasons I avoid a woman who is overweight:

1) it's a sign she is depressed
2) it's a sign she won't take care of herself or neglects herself
3) it may be a sign that she is lazy
4) it makes sex, especially oral sex, more difficult or gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a wonderful, intelligent, kind and outgoing friend. She has a pretty face and is perfect on paper; the only exception is that she is probably 50 lbs overweight. Is there something in the water in DC that makes guys here only want skinny women? Obviously there are millions of happily partnered women who happen to be fat. She had much better luck dating in other cities. Is DC a particularly difficult dating pool for overweight women, or is it just a coincidence that since moving here, she's had zero luck? She is well educated, makes a great salary, and is sexually open. She's kind of a "dream girl" so weight must be the only thing holding her back. Any insight from women who've been in her shoes? Would she do better is she relocated? She really wants marriage and a family. Or any insight from men? I'm on the verge of telling her to move to the Midwest.

Woman get even bigger after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You sound like a horribly selfish and lazy partner.
And who want's to have sex with an unattractive lazy spouse?
The standard outcome in those cases is the other spouse winds up cheating.

Do you think you deserve more? Really?

[Anonymous]

The men in DC are very small ( in stature). She'd be better off elsewhere where the men are normal size.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing sadder than an overweight woman who would be hot if she were reasonably thin, or at least just not fat. I have lost 50+ pounds twice in my life and it isn't that difficult, in fact it's fun.

Some reasons I avoid a woman who is overweight:

1) it's a sign she is depressed
2) it's a sign she won't take care of herself or neglects herself
3) it may be a sign that she is lazy
4) it makes sex, especially oral sex, more difficult or gross

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You sound like a horribly selfish and lazy partner.
And who want's to have sex with an unattractive lazy spouse?
The standard outcome in those cases is the other spouse winds up cheating.

Do you think you deserve more? Really?

Yes, I do. Because I invest sustained effort into my relationship.
This includes working on my physical appearance.
It does get harder as I get older, and so I ..... just work harder: control diet, regular cardio and lifting weights.
For a woman, that's easy: just don't gain weight!
Why are you fighting so hard for the right to get fat without repercussions?
Beyond the relationship, don't you actually care how you look?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men in DC are very small ( in stature). She'd be better off elsewhere where the men are normal size.

Stature: height. Men in DC are shorter on average than 5-10, the national average?

[Anonymous]

This thread has devolved into a back and forth bitter-match.