How much does weight matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

Apples and oranges.
Hairline is 100% outside his control
Weight is 100% within her control.

No, both go to attraction.you think you can tell your body that you are not attracted to someone because of a physical feature but it is not their choice goes to show you that white men feel entitled to judge women based on their weight and make assumptions that women are fat or overweight based off being lazy. She could be a dinner and eats clean 80 of the time and her body is an asshole or she has thyroid or PCOS issues. But omg, she is a slob! Fk off.

The scenario that you are responding to (person is fit/in-shape while dating, THEN let's him/herself go after attachment) this is absolutely a case of being lazy.
Why are you constructing strawman arguments about some rare exotic diseases in an attempt to excuse laziness?

Nothing wrong with being overweight.
But it is MAJORLY wrong to GAIN significant weight while in a romantic relationship.
Understand the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think.

Can you explain further? Do you mean that the men are just using her for sex? I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.

NP DH here: What is inaccurate about your statement, from my perspective, is the claim that the man is not himself concerned with her weight, but is only concerned as the result of external pressure to impress others. This isn't really so; it is an internal concern about wanting to be with someone who is sexually attractive to you long-term, which has a lot to do with looks and body shape for men. Most women simply do not understand how significant a factor that is for most men. It is overwhelmingly important, and while it readily can be compromised for many, many things if you are going from very attractive to reasonably attractive to plain-but-fit, there is a pretty hard floor somewhere between a few extra pounds, plump-but-cute, and obese, which of course varies to some extent among men.

Further, monogamy looms very large, and most men simply aren't willing to commit to spend a lifetime with someone who they do not find reasonably physically attractive. Impressing others is well down the list of factors, and for many its not much of a consideration at all.

For most men, this long-term concern has almost nothing at all to do with short-term companionship and sex. You can call that using her for sex if you like, although I think that is a little unfair as most men would be perfectly content to be "used" in precisely the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think.

Can you explain further? Do you mean that the men are just using her for sex? I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.

NP DH here: What is inaccurate about your statement, from my perspective, is the claim that the man is not himself concerned with her weight, but is only concerned as the result of external pressure to impress others. This isn't really so; it is an internal concern about wanting to be with someone who is sexually attractive to you long-term, which has a lot to do with looks and body shape for men. Most women simply do not understand how significant a factor that is for most men. It is overwhelmingly important, and while it readily can be compromised for many, many things if you are going from very attractive to reasonably attractive to plain-but-fit, there is a pretty hard floor somewhere between a few extra pounds, plump-but-cute, and obese, which of course varies to some extent among men.

Further, monogamy looms very large, and most men simply aren't willing to commit to spend a lifetime with someone who they do not find reasonably physically attractive. Impressing others is well down the list of factors, and for many its not much of a consideration at all.

For most men, this long-term concern has almost nothing at all to do with short-term companionship and sex. You can call that using her for sex if you like, although I think that is a little unfair as most men would be perfectly content to be "used" in precisely the same way.

I am a woman, and from what I have observed this poster is correct. I wish everyone would just make peace with reality, including the reality that women have a similar kind of obsession with men reaching a certain status/career threshold regardless of how little or great their own career status is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

Apples and oranges.
Hairline is 100% outside his control
Weight is 100% within her control.

No, both go to attraction.you think you can tell your body that you are not attracted to someone because of a physical feature but it is not their choice goes to show you that white men feel entitled to judge women based on their weight and make assumptions that women are fat or overweight based off being lazy. She could be a dinner and eats clean 80 of the time and her body is an asshole or she has thyroid or PCOS issues. But omg, she is a slob! Fk off.

The scenario that you are responding to (person is fit/in-shape while dating, THEN let's him/herself go after attachment) this is absolutely a case of being lazy.
Why are you constructing strawman arguments about some rare exotic diseases in an attempt to excuse laziness?

Nothing wrong with being overweight.
But it is MAJORLY wrong to GAIN significant weight while in a romantic relationship.
Understand the difference?

Cry me a river

OP, tell your friend to drop the wait just long enough to have a couple of babies. Then he can leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have dated a fat man. There is just no way I could be even remotely attracted to him. My husband is the same way - he would never have dated a fat woman. I think your friend will have much better luck in the dating market if she loses some weight. There are so many pretty, fit women in this area that she just has too much competition.

I think the other issue educated women have in this area is that they treat dates like job interviews (or at least that is what I heard my dates say). It was a huge turnoff for them. I kept my degrees and salary to myself and just had fun on dates I had no problem getting dates online. I also didn't exclude men for not being as educated as I am. I make more money than most men ever will and so I didn't care about their salary as much.

What would your DH do if you gained 30 lbs due to a health condition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never have dated a fat man. There is just no way I could be even remotely attracted to him. My husband is the same way - he would never have dated a fat woman. I think your friend will have much better luck in the dating market if she loses some weight. There are so many pretty, fit women in this area that she just has too much competition.

I think the other issue educated women have in this area is that they treat dates like job interviews (or at least that is what I heard my dates say). It was a huge turnoff for them. I kept my degrees and salary to myself and just had fun on dates I had no problem getting dates online. I also didn't exclude men for not being as educated as I am. I make more money than most men ever will and so I didn't care about their salary as much.

What would your DH do if you gained 30 lbs due to a health condition?

She has the power of the purse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

Apples and oranges.
Hairline is 100% outside his control
Weight is 100% within her control.

No, both go to attraction.you think you can tell your body that you are not attracted to someone because of a physical feature but it is not their choice goes to show you that white men feel entitled to judge women based on their weight and make assumptions that women are fat or overweight based off being lazy. She could be a dinner and eats clean 80 of the time and her body is an asshole or she has thyroid or PCOS issues. But omg, she is a slob! Fk off.

The scenario that you are responding to (person is fit/in-shape while dating, THEN let's him/herself go after attachment) this is absolutely a case of being lazy.
Why are you constructing strawman arguments about some rare exotic diseases in an attempt to excuse laziness?

Nothing wrong with being overweight.
But it is MAJORLY wrong to GAIN significant weight while in a romantic relationship.
Understand the difference?

Cry me a river

OP, tell your friend to drop the wait just long enough to have a couple of babies. Then he can leave

You sound like a horribly selfish and lazy partner.
And who want's to have sex with an unattractive lazy spouse?
The standard outcome in those cases is the other spouse winds up cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think.

Can you explain further? Do you mean that the men are just using her for sex? I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.

NP DH here: What is inaccurate about your statement, from my perspective, is the claim that the man is not himself concerned with her weight, but is only concerned as the result of external pressure to impress others. This isn't really so; it is an internal concern about wanting to be with someone who is sexually attractive to you long-term, which has a lot to do with looks and body shape for men. Most women simply do not understand how significant a factor that is for most men. It is overwhelmingly important, and while it readily can be compromised for many, many things if you are going from very attractive to reasonably attractive to plain-but-fit, there is a pretty hard floor somewhere between a few extra pounds, plump-but-cute, and obese, which of course varies to some extent among men.

Further, monogamy looms very large, and most men simply aren't willing to commit to spend a lifetime with someone who they do not find reasonably physically attractive. Impressing others is well down the list of factors, and for many its not much of a consideration at all.

For most men, this long-term concern has almost nothing at all to do with short-term companionship and sex. You can call that using her for sex if you like, although I think that is a little unfair as most men would be perfectly content to be "used" in precisely the same way.

Late 30s male here and agree with the bold part completely. Maybe it mattered a bit to me when I was college aged, but it's been a long time since that has been a consideration. By this point in my life, living in a new city, I don't even have friends I would feel the need to impress. But I still only date women I find physically attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's been here for a while now, but her last serious boyfriend was elsewhere. She meets guys who will enjoy her company in private, but never make it official or turn it into a real relationship. And by enjoy her company I don't just mean booty calls. It's as if they really like her but are embarrassed to make it official and public. She doesn't go after high-income men, but she does place value on education and leans toward the nerdy/geeky guys. I'd love to see her with someone less geeky and more average and cheerful with a great personality. I think she inflates her "nerdiness" in order to create a signifier to attract highly intelligent men. Maybe that's an issue too. Where does an amazing fat girl meet a happy extrovert like herself? The suburbs? A different city? A time machine back to her early 20's?

I think women in DC have higher expectations for socioeconomic status in a potential mate than they do elsewhere. You have a lot of thirtysomething women holding out for a small pool of unicorns.

I curious as to why these men are "embarrassed" to make a relationship with her public.

I suspect that the men themselves do not mind her weight, but want a partner who will "impress" their friends and colleagues. I think that to the men she dates, fat equals low status. They enjoy her companionship and sex, but she never gets fully integrated into their lives, which means a relationship never materializes from dating.

No. This is a classic feminist rationalization how men supposedly think.

Can you explain further? Do you mean that the men are just using her for sex? I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.

NP DH here: What is inaccurate about your statement, from my perspective, is the claim that the man is not himself concerned with her weight, but is only concerned as the result of external pressure to impress others. This isn't really so; it is an internal concern about wanting to be with someone who is sexually attractive to you long-term, which has a lot to do with looks and body shape for men. Most women simply do not understand how significant a factor that is for most men. It is overwhelmingly important, and while it readily can be compromised for many, many things if you are going from very attractive to reasonably attractive to plain-but-fit, there is a pretty hard floor somewhere between a few extra pounds, plump-but-cute, and obese, which of course varies to some extent among men.

Further, monogamy looms very large, and most men simply aren't willing to commit to spend a lifetime with someone who they do not find reasonably physically attractive. Impressing others is well down the list of factors, and for many its not much of a consideration at all.

For most men, this long-term concern has almost nothing at all to do with short-term companionship and sex. You can call that using her for sex if you like, although I think that is a little unfair as most men would be perfectly content to be "used" in precisely the same way.

I consider myself a feminist, and I don't disagree with anything you wrote.

[Anonymous]

37 year old male here. I prefer 30-50 lbs over what most people are as ideal weight. Just more attractive me. I have a good friend that likes skinny and virtually no curves. That look does nothing for me, but it is what he likes.

[Anonymous]

On a side note, all these "I have a friend who's so great how come he/she can't find a suitable long-term partner" queries...

Slow your roll people.

Yeah you know your friends they're so so great yeah yeah yeah. But you only know them in a platonic sense. You don't know how they are when they're interested in someone and involved in a relationship with someone. Your friend could be an insufferable nag...an insatiable attention seeker...an overbearing control freak...a hypersensitive emotional mess...WHO KNOWS BUT THE PERSON THAT THEY ULTIMATELY END UP SEEING - - YOU DON'T SEE THAT SIDE OF THEM!!!

Just a heads up.
Continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

DP

Initial attraction is important. Initial impression is important. So, if a person isn't attracted to you visually or personally then it's hard to get past that. That's not a character flaw it's simply a part of human nature.

So, if that attraction is there and a relationship develops, and it does so to a point of marriage, there is far less to be concerned about down the road. Mature individuals know that one cannot expect a person to remain exactly as they were at the start of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Actually, I weight about 20 pounds less than my marriage weight. I was at my highest when I got married.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a white-people problem. Tell your friend to broaden her pool to include black and Latino men. They are more accepting (and sometimes even prefer) thick women.

That's racist as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Too much porn has given them unrealistic expectations.

More like fewer reasons to put up with your garbage.