How much does weight matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ me again.

I should add that my experience (just guy friends I've known, friends of my husband), the geeky guy type usually thinks he deserves some kind of model, extremely physically gorgeous woman. I don't know what it is, but even if he's extremely unattractive, there's something about the geeky guy (especially the ones in IT) that he thinks because he's smart, he deserves a model.

Your friend might have better luck with men who are actually more conventionally attractive and socially confidant. Those men are usually the ones who are secure enough that they don't need to prove anything. They are confidant enough that they don't need a trophy girlfriend.

It's possible your friend is self-conscious about her weight and avoids men she thinks are too attractive to her. But as I said, in my experience, it's usually the sort of unattractive, geeky guys who seem to be more superficial when it comes to dating.

IT guys are socially unaware that models are out of their league.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know who has zero luck actually has plenty of luck, but they only go for people way out of their league.

A friend is going through this. He complains nonstop that no women are interested in him when the reality is many women are. But he will only date 8s, 9s, and 10s, while he is at best a 5.

Your friend should re-examine her standards. Not saying she needs to settle for a loser, but she's likely not going to be able to score anything above a 6 or 7 (in terms of looks or money/job).

[Anonymous]

50 lbs????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know who has zero luck actually has plenty of luck, but they only go for people way out of their league.

A friend is going through this. He complains nonstop that no women are interested in him when the reality is many women are. But he will only date 8s, 9s, and 10s, while he is at best a 5.

Your friend should re-examine her standards. Not saying she needs to settle for a loser, but she's likely not going to be able to score anything above a 6 or 7 (in terms of looks or money/job).

it seems the problem is more her going for a type than a highly desirable men. i think PP is right.

nerdy guys seek coolness and fat is not cool for sure.

[Anonymous]

OP, the right guy is out there, is probably not her "type," and she'll find him when she least expects it. I agree with PP that the type may be the biggest issue of all. She needs to step back and figure out what qualities she's looking for, date outside of her type a little, and keep an open mind. She might surprise herself.

I don't think the dating scene in this area is particularly difficult for overweight women or men. Before I got married, I date a LOT and I'm probably the same size as her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

Apples and oranges.
Hairline is 100% outside his control.
Weight is 100% within her control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there something in the water in DC that makes guys here only want skinny women?

I laffed

Is DC a particularly difficult dating pool for overweight women

Uh, hello? DC is filled with young, attractive women who are NOT overweight. Your friend is going to have difficulty dating unless she either hits the treadmill or, which I believe is more likely--lowers her standards and takes a proactive approach to dating instead of sitting on her ass, waiting for Mr Right.

She is well educated, makes a great salary, and is sexually open.

Nobody cares if she's well educated or her salary or if she's sexually open. NO...BODY..CARES.

She's kind of a "dream girl"

She's obviously not

so weight must be the only thing holding her back.

Now we're getting somewhere

Any insight from women who've been in her shoes? Would she do better is she relocated? She really wants marriage and a family. Or any insight from men? I'm on the verge of telling her to move to the Midwest.

Don't saddle the midwest with your friend and her baggage. If she's overweight here, she's going to be overweight in the midwest, where car based cultures make everyday exercise more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:50 lbs????

A young, single woman that much overweight is just sad. Most professional, well educated men would be embarrassed to have a girlfriend that fat even if they like them fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sense from talking to my single male friends is that weight is very important to them. Like, deal-breaker important. These are my male friends who consider themselves super progressive, equal-rights-for-everyone types. Go figure.

Men aren't attracted to overweight women, regardless of political persuasion. Life 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50 lbs????

A young, single woman that much overweight is just sad. Most professional, well educated men would be embarrassed to have a girlfriend that fat even if they like them fat.

I'm about 50 pounds overweight and I'm a size 14, below the national average.

Jesus this is a depressing thread.

I grew up in dc and met,married and procreated twice with my handsome slim athletic smart six figure making husband. He's shy and kind of awkward so neither of us are perfect but we managed to find each other and we manage to have sex on the regular!

I have another friend getting married to a guy and she's like 250. I kind of think her fiance is a weirdo but still, a fat girl having regular sec with a guy willing to be seen with her in public! Shocking!!

Everyone is different op, some people find some qualities deal beakers others don't.

Imo the perpetually single people I know are kind of neuriti neurotic and controlling or they never grew up and still live with their parents. Everyone is beautiful to someone but some people are pains in the ass to everyone.

[Anonymous]

You think this thread is depressing, yet you go out of the way to remind everyone that, even at your weight, you're thinnner than those other fatties. also you have a thin spouse.

Maybe it makes sense why weight matters to not-fat people of both genders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. Weight matters to me. For one, I am very active. I was a D-1 athlete. I work out ornplay a sport 6 days a week. I like to do these things with my partner--walking, jogging, riding bikes, lifting, playing a team sport, or doing a fun race together. That's fun for me. I don't want a partner who can't keep up. It's not being mean, it's just a trait that is important to me and a key part of my lifestyle.

Secondly, if someone is overweight it tells me they might be sloppy in other areas of life. I am very neat, organized, and meticulous about details. Call me mean, but I look at overweight people and think they are sloppy, possibly disorganized, and just don't care much.

You can preach on and on and on about how someone should value you for more than just your looks. Of course your spouse should. But attraction is a huge part of a relationship. Without attraction you're just friends. I don't fault anyone for saying that they require this or that physical trait in a partner. That's what a romantic relationship is about. If you wanted a roommate or a BFF then it wouldn't matter. But this is your lover.

Gym rats can be slobs. My girl friend is dating a body builder. Let me say that he looks a lot better undressed.

[Anonymous]

This is such a white-people problem. Tell your friend to broaden her pool to include black and Latino men. They are more accepting (and sometimes even prefer) thick women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much sadness on these threads I can hardly stand it. Pray to God for what you want. He may say yes / no / or wait. In the end we all end up in the same exact situation .

Sure, we are all going to be dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here. Weight matters to me. For one, I am very active. I was a D-1 athlete. I work out ornplay a sport 6 days a week. I like to do these things with my partner--walking, jogging, riding bikes, lifting, playing a team sport, or doing a fun race together. That's fun for me. I don't want a partner who can't keep up. It's not being mean, it's just a trait that is important to me and a key part of my lifestyle.

Secondly, if someone is overweight it tells me they might be sloppy in other areas of life. I am very neat, organized, and meticulous about details. Call me mean, but I look at overweight people and think they are sloppy, possibly disorganized, and just don't care much.

You can preach on and on and on about how someone should value you for more than just your looks. Of course your spouse should. But attraction is a huge part of a relationship. Without attraction you're just friends. I don't fault anyone for saying that they require this or that physical trait in a partner. That's what a romantic relationship is about. If you wanted a roommate or a BFF then it wouldn't matter. But this is your lover.

One can be fit and overweight. One can be skinny and unfit. Fact.

Also, sloppy, disorganized, and just don't care?? Whereas all thin and fit people are totally on top of everything? Wtf??