Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags.

[Anonymous]

OP until you cancel the wedding and let people know, you are still on the path to getting married. Every day you wait will simply make it more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Run OP. In laws and ones that involved will take a HUGE toll on your marriage should you chose to go through with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run OP. In laws and ones that involved will take a HUGE toll on your marriage should you chose to go through with it.

This. Not only would you be signing up to be ignored for the rest of your life, but you'd be signing up for what seems like in-laws from hell who know everything about your lives, expect constant attention, and see your money as an extra financial cushion. Run, woman.

[Anonymous]

When I was 18 or 19 I worked at a country club. A couple was having their rehearsal dinner and the bride found out some of the details of the bachelor party (groom didn't have sex, but did eat a lollypop pulled from a stripper's nether region). She ripped him a new one in front of the whole room, cancelled the wedding, and left. I guess word didn't get around or people didn't believe it, because probably 20 guests stilled showed up the next day for the wedding.

I just remember thinking good for her. If that's how he behaved before they were married, it's only going to get worse once the new wears off.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op, you need to call it off. If you are worried about travelers, call off the wedding but still hold the party (no gifts) for those who want to see you. But you can't marry him. It will be a disaster for your kids.

[Anonymous]

This story sounds too extreme. I can't imagine calling off a weekend as a result of strangers' opinions on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This story sounds too extreme. I can't imagine calling off a weekend as a result of strangers' opinions on DCUM.

+1.

There's some obvious red flags about this thread that I can't seem to shake. Then again, maybe people who nonchalantly call off weddings on page 5 really do exist.

[Anonymous]

So what's happening OP? Any update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what's happening OP? Any update?

UPDATE, please!

[Anonymous]

I confess I'm curious too. My reaction was similar to that of the devil's advocate upthread; nothing in the Op seemed like a red flag to me . . . at all. I'm really close to my family, I guess, and my DH has kind of adopted them as his own (since his own family was . . . damaged). I'm actually a bit disappointed that we live so far away but I talk with everyone regularly and see them several times a year. So, it seems like family is important to your guy. Generally, having a really strong relationship with family is a good sign that one may be a really good husband, devoted to his own family (in my admittedly limited experience).

And if he sounds like he hasn't really cut the apron strings (eg, the joint account, living at home), well I can imagine solid financial reasons for that. And its a distinct potential problem from the other things you mention - it's about not being fully responsible for himself/grownup. That's not actually about family at all. Does he otherwise seem like a manchild? someone you would have to constantly take care of?

you mention a few reasons you think he's just not that into you - no pictures on his facebook, forgetting your birthday, etc. do you otherwise get the sense he's just not that into you? I mean, he has presumably known his sister's birthday a lot longer than he has known yours. do you think he was avoiding putting you on facebook for some specific reason? have you asked? ultimately, this too is not about his family. without comparing yourself to his other family in anyway, do you think he loves you and is good to you? objectively?

Moreover, you haven't indicated anything bad about the family. Like, if they hated you or were constantly undercutting your relationship, that would be a sign of big bad inlaw drama to come. if you get along and they are basically supportive of the relationship, I just don't see the big bad about someone who adores his family and likes kids. if you're married, you're family. and he'll be devoted to you and your kids too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in 100% agreement that you should not be getting married at this point.

If you follow through, it will surely end ugly.

I strongly suggest you + your fiancé get some premarital counseling & make sure this is the main issue discussed.
Do not sweep this issue under the rug.

Someone made a comment mentioning the word "incest,"
Could this be even a remote possibility OP?

Kind of like Cathy + Christopher in "Flowers in the Attic."

lol flowers in the attic is exactly what I thought of when I read the OP.

[Anonymous]

I bet OP has gone through with the wedding.....the silence is pretty damning.

[Anonymous]

Just read the OP...please, please RUN!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read the OP...please, please RUN!!!!!

Too late. They're married by now.

[Anonymous]

OP's probably on the honeymoon.