Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's probably on the honeymoon.

Her new DH probably brought his family along.

[Anonymous]

Nah, she's on the honeymoon alone, and he's over at Mom's, sleeping on Sister's top bunk.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it was a destination wedding and they're all sleeping in the same townhouse.

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad for this person. I hope she didn't go through with the wedding, but I am afraid she did. I hope she gets gets a bit of therapy to realize she is worth her weight in gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to play devils advocate here. I don't think him spending all of his free time with his family is insane. As someone who is not close to any siblings and is an orphan, I hope to marry a man like this. I have dated men that spend their free time on the golf course, at the bar, at the office, etc. If a man values his family and wants to spend time with them, I would respect that and would hope they welcome me. There are much worse places he could be.

+1. In fact, I think the marriage should be cancelled because he is not likely to be happy with you. You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m having serious cold feet.

My soon to be husband is way too close to his family. His family means literally – everything – to him.

*He spent two days in the hospital with his sister when she was in labor. He posted several pictures of his niece on Facebook yet he has never in three years posted a single picture of us aside from his Facebook profile. I’m not mad at all that he posted these photos on Facebook, I am just upset that he clearly values his family way above and beyond our relationship.
*I feel overwhelmed by the amount of time he spends with his family. I’m not comfortable with it. I feel like his family is and will always come first, I will come second.
*He spent 6-8 months/year working in remote conditions. When he would come home he would scurry off to his parents house to see his family for 4-5 nights a week and come home late and I would be sitting there waiting for him.
*He still sees his family 3 times per week, this is something I am grudgingly coming to terms with. I see my own family 2-3 times/year and talk to them on the phone probably once a week for comparison.
*He is obsessed with his nephew and gets frustrated when I show lack of interest. I don’t have any kids and am personally not really interested in other peoples kids – I am however very interested in having kids of my own.
*He forgot to buy me a birthday present one year, yet would ask me what kind of shoes he should buy his sister.
*On that note, he constantly talks about his siblings. His sister in particular, I mean he brings up anecdotes about her daily.
*If he has ANY free time, I mean any where it’s not spending time with me. He will go over to his parent or brother-in-law and sister’s house and wait until I go home for him to go home. The man can’t spend any time by himself.
*He has always lived at home, except for a 3 year relationship with his ex. He has never had his own apartment or living space.

I am freaking out about the likelihood of dealing with this for the rest of my life. The wedding is in two weeks. We have had SEVERAL conversations about this and he has made some changes but I constantly feel like I am coming in second-best.

He is not way too close to his family. He is just as close with his family as he wants to be, you just don't like it. This will not change. You either get on board now or move on.

[Anonymous]

My dad is like this. It has driven my mom crazy for 30+ years. It has negatively impacted our entire immediate family and created a strange dynamic with my dad's sibling and her offspring. They are fiercely territorial of him and it's sad. My dad is a punk and doesn't even care how this dynamic has affected all of us kids and his wife.