Reply to Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags.

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Reply to "Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags."

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[quote=Anonymous]I confess I'm curious too.  My reaction was similar to that of the devil's advocate upthread; nothing in the Op seemed like a red flag to me . . . at all.  I'm really close to my family, I guess, and my DH has kind of adopted them as his own (since his own family was . . . damaged).   I'm actually a bit disappointed that we live so far away but I talk with everyone regularly and see them several times a year. So, it seems like family is important to your guy. Generally, having a really strong relationship with family is a good sign that one may be a really good husband, devoted to his own family (in my admittedly limited experience).

And if he sounds like he hasn't really cut the apron strings (eg, the joint account, living at home), well I can imagine solid financial reasons for that.  And its a distinct potential problem from the other things you mention - it's about not being fully responsible for himself/grownup.  That's not actually about family at all.  Does he otherwise seem like a manchild?  someone you would have to constantly take care of?

you mention a few reasons you think he's just not that into you - no pictures on his facebook, forgetting your birthday, etc.  do you otherwise get the sense he's just not that into you?  I mean, he has presumably known his sister's birthday a lot longer than he has known yours.  do you think he was avoiding putting you on facebook for some specific reason?  have you asked?  ultimately, this too is not about his family.  without comparing yourself to his other family in anyway, do you think he loves you and is good to you?  objectively?

Moreover, you haven't indicated anything bad about the family.  Like, if they hated you or were constantly undercutting your relationship, that would be a sign of big bad inlaw drama to come.  if you get along and they are basically supportive of the relationship, I just don't see the big bad about someone who adores his family and likes kids.  if you're married, you're family. and he'll be devoted to you and your kids too.[/quote]

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