Reply to s/o how much money do you need to make to provide for a SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Np here --- I find this thread interesting as it is bringing out the worst in folks competing for validation that they've made the "right" choice for their family.  The grass is greener on the SAHM v work side -- I've been in both camps---

SAhm (2 years when kids young) - love being with kids, but exhausted and remembering what it was like to talk to grown ups and feel like I am not in sweats all the time; changes dynamic w DH for the worse as he walks all over me;

Part time (4 years) -- love being with kids and thrill of a paycheck; but become resentful that I am paid part time to then work full time;

Full time -- love the paycheck making almost 300k again and have pride of flexible job to be with kids after school then work again evening hours; travel a lot for work but FaceTime with kids; feel exhausted and wish I had time to take care of myself; but remember being SAHM and fear of never finding job again--- remember Sahm is temporary as kids go to college --- that is harder for Sahm than working moms I think

There are pros and cons but being sahm is much harder than working I think -- exhausting, no paycheck, love the kids but it's not like you get positive performance evaluations like you do at work -- hats off to the sahm I couldn't afford to do it and I don't think I would have chosen to do it jf I could ..... By the grass is greener and maybe because my kids are now 10+ needs have changed

I think the point of this rambling post is there is no one size fits all approach, my advice to younger people is that you can't have it all at once -- but you can have things in phases and find a career where you can mix it up -- gear up/ gear down --- if you do want to temporarily stay at home, chose a profession where you won't become outdated if you take a year or two off --- I am a lawyer and was able to do it - however I know doctors and teachers who took off years and never could find a job to "come back"....

Good luck everyone, it's so hard making these choices......there is no one size fits all....[/quote]

Same experience here.  And for OP thinking about choosing a partner, this is why it's not about how much you need to make or she needs to make, it's about finding someone with shared values and someone who can roll with the different situations of life -- as you should too.

DH and I both had SAHMs and felt is was important for a parent to be the primary caregiver for the first few years.  DH was willing to be the SAHP if I didn't want to but I did want to and it made more sense career-wise too because he is in a tech career where taking time off would be a big problem while my career is more flexible and I had the ability to freelance.  We discussed this when dating and knowing that was the plan we banked one salary (he and I made about the same amount) from the time we married so we were used to living on one income.  Initially I thought I'd go back when our younger was 3 yrs old but the arrangement was working well for all of us at that time so it continued until she started K and then I went back to work FT.  DH and I worked together to figure out how to balance the parenting and house stuff now that we were both working.  Looking ahead, since DH is several years older than me we'll probably go through a number of years where he is retired and runs the home stuff while I work.  Life is long, if you are lucky, and things change.[/quote]

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