I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything

[Anonymous]

thanks OP for your honesty. Do you think your husband will be able to forgive you? Its a lot from which to recover. Did your sexual behavior include other addiction behaviors (drinking, etc)?


fwiw. I am a relatively happily married mom who has never cheated on my husband, but in my early 30s, when I was mostly single, I went through a couple years of behavior that was unhealthy and that, in retrospect, was verging on addiction, although I would not have called it that at the time. while one part of me was craving was real intimacy and connection, I consistently sabotaged that sleeping with someone else. I had a ton of short term relationships and slept with people I didnt know well at all.

I then had a messed up relationship with someone who was equally/more messed up and had a true sex addiction, and it took me down a dark path. Ultimately it all came to a head and I ended it and spent a couple years getting my head on straight, but not without a lot of shame. It was HARD to learn to be by myself, and not use sex (and the attention and the drinking and the flirting) to distract me from dealing with my own feelings of insecurity and loneliness and unworthiness and shame. Deep shame. and you would not have known this if you had met me: I had a top education, good job, was in excellent shape, lots of friends, etc.

[Anonymous]

(If this was already asked and answered, I missed it
What was the precipitating factor in deciding to confront and deal with your sexual addiction?

[Anonymous]

How far can you "punt" a "football" ?

[Anonymous]

I am the male version of you, how does the recovery work, how can I get help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the male version of you, how does the recovery work, how can I get help?

Go to a 12 step sex addicts anonymous meeting. Google SAA
Meetings in DC. Just go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(If this was already asked and answered, I missed it
What was the precipitating factor in deciding to confront and deal with your sexual addiction?

My husband and I separated and I almost lost custody and visitation of my kids. A friend told me I needed help.

[Anonymous]

Where do you think the dividing line was that made this behavior clearly a problem? Cheating on your spouse? The fact that you were taking major risks at work and perhaps with your health or safety? Your own emotional state and the fact that you didn't want to behave this way anymore?

[Anonymous]

Did you ever consider not getting married so that you could continue having casual sex with a variety of partners without the ethical concerns of cheating on your spouse? Is this something you would have wanted?

[Anonymous]

Would you have any reason want to change your behavior if you weren't married/there was no cheating involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so all told, how many men have you slept with while you have been married to your husband? how many altogether over the course of your life?

have you done anything (in terms of sex acts) that you regret?

Sex partners while married- 7

Emotional affairs while married 12

Total sex partners in my life 25

i regret having sex with another man in our marital bed. I regret having sex with another man in our car. I regret not always using birth control with these men. I regret letting this one man finish on my chest. I regret having sexl in my office at work in the middle of the work day.

I'm starting to suspect OP is a dude who is enjoying this.

[Anonymous]

Why do you regret letting a man finish on your chest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so all told, how many men have you slept with while you have been married to your husband? how many altogether over the course of your life?

have you done anything (in terms of sex acts) that you regret?

Sex partners while married- 7

Emotional affairs while married 12

Total sex partners in my life 25

i regret having sex with another man in our marital bed. I regret having sex with another man in our car. I regret not always using birth control with these men. I regret letting this one man finish on my chest. I regret having sexl in my office at work in the middle of the work day.

The more I read of your experiences, OP, the more convinced I become that my friend is a sex addict. I just have to find the courage to broach the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been in recovery? How many kids do you have now? Sounds like you are married. If accurate how do feel about a man (husband) staying with you through multiple cheating? Do you respect him? Is there any trust in your marriage?

I have been in recovery for three years thanks to a 12 step program for sex addicts. I have 3 kids. I am married and do respect my husband. Trust is pretty much obliterated and my husband is very angry with me.

Does your husband attend any S-Anon meetings or similar? I was married to a sex addict and S-Anon was a tremendous help for me.

He went to a few but he is still too angry
Help

Does he understand that the meetings are for him, not for you? Maybe he would be more comfortable at Al-Anon meetings? The concepts are the same (as you know), and maybe the environment would feel easier for him?

That's a very good suggestion. I will mention that to him

OP, I was just thinking about this again. Would he be comfortable going to a joint SAA/S-Anon meeting with you? I know my old S-Anon group occasionally arranged or participated in those. Maybe AA/Al-Anon have some as well?

Anyway, good luck to you and your husband. I understand how difficult this is for both of you. I am very glad you are sober and still working in your recovery, and I hope your husband will find a path that can help him as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so all told, how many men have you slept with while you have been married to your husband? how many altogether over the course of your life?

have you done anything (in terms of sex acts) that you regret?

Sex partners while married- 7

Emotional affairs while married 12

Total sex partners in my life 25

i regret having sex with another man in our marital bed. I regret having sex with another man in our car. I regret not always using birth control with these men. I regret letting this one man finish on my chest. I regret having sexl in my office at work in the middle of the work day.

I'm starting to suspect OP is a dude who is enjoying this.

I am Op and I am all female

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(If this was already asked and answered, I missed it
What was the precipitating factor in deciding to confront and deal with your sexual addiction?

My husband and I separated and I almost lost custody and visitation of my kids. A friend told me I needed help.

You should lose custody and visitation. Frankly, I find you reprehensible.