Dating men and having them open doors...or not.

[Anonymous]

My brother holds all doors--including car doors--open for his wife. She actually waits for him to open doors for her. I just roll my eyes. Not at all how my marriage works, and not how I would ever want it to work.

Of course, I recently found out that my mother has been holding a grudge against DH for 14 years because he didn't ask my father's permission to propose. Silly husband, thinking the decision to get married was best made between the two adults in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

DW always comments about our first date and how I opened the car door for her. She never had tat happen before and thought it was a great gesture.
Im from the north, but I always walk on the street side and hold doors open for DW, and anyone who is behind me. Car door not all the time if I am closer to her door I will open it for her. If she is there before me, she just gets in herself. She doesn't stand there and wait for me to open the car door.
I also asked her father for permission to marry her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bothered by car doors, but my baseline is holding doors for anyone. One of my biggest peeves is people (male or female) who don't glance back and hold a door a few seconds for someone coming.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goodness knows I'm probably setting myself up for criticism, but...


I'm 41 and dating. I prefer younger guys (guys in their 30s), and I get turned off by guys [on dates] who don't open my car door and allow me to walk through doors first. Lately, I've gone on dates with guys who don't do these things. I certainly don't act like a jerk and stand there waiting for them to open my doors, etc. I proceed as normal, as if it doesn't bother me.

But, I can't help but feel that if you are trying to impress a woman, you should do these niceties. Am I way off base?

Sure, I've been with guys who don't open doors and who aren't generally chivalrous. I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker, but it's a turn-off for sure.

I guess what I'm asking you guys is: Am I pretty much alone? Would any other ladies find a lack of chivalry a turn-off?

I love it personally. I am sometime off in another world and the guy I am walking with will be reaching for the door but I get there first and think nothing about it and open door myself. I like when it happens and I don't think it is old fashion, just polite.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to try to let this go. Yes, there are guys who open doors, but that probably has very little to do with whether he'll actually respect you and see you as an equal in your lives together. You're probably relying on this superficial gesture as a signal for other, more important qualities - but it's not an reliable signal.

I'm from California and as I recall, whoever got to the door first held it for the person behind. I do remember dating some guys who would race ahead, cut me off mid-walk, and open the door in my face. It felt very artificial and unnecessary to me - not to mention that a guy actually tripped me once doing this. I honestly preferred the guys who just let nature take it's course - sometimes I reached the door first, and would hold it, other times he got there first, and would hold it for me.

If some of the guys you're dating have the same background as I do, they very well may be egalitarian and considerate, solid partner potential, but they're not going to cut you off just to insist you never touch a door nob - is that really such a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goodness knows I'm probably setting myself up for criticism, but...


I'm 41 and dating. I prefer younger guys (guys in their 30s), and I get turned off by guys [on dates] who don't open my car door and allow me to walk through doors first. Lately, I've gone on dates with guys who don't do these things. I certainly don't act like a jerk and stand there waiting for them to open my doors, etc. I proceed as normal, as if it doesn't bother me.

But, I can't help but feel that if you are trying to impress a woman, you should do these niceties. Am I way off base?

Sure, I've been with guys who don't open doors and who aren't generally chivalrous. I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker, but it's a turn-off for sure.

I guess what I'm asking you guys is: Am I pretty much alone? Would any other ladies find a lack of chivalry a turn-off?

To me that shows they weren't raised well, and are low class. Open the doors, lady proceeds first in a restaurant when being shown their table.

Move on if they never got the basics, pitiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bothered by car doors, but my baseline is holding doors for anyone. One of my biggest peeves is people (male or female) who don't glance back and hold a door a few seconds for someone coming.

+1

Oh yeah. It seems some women are really bad at this. I watch a woman today who let a door slam on a guy carrying a few boxes. She knew the guy was there, just did not care.

[Anonymous]

As a guy not from the south, I find the door opening thing to be part of a culture that I didn't grow up with.

I got married in my 30s and did not find out until later that some men talk to their future wife's father before proposing and sometimes actually ask for his permission.
Freakin' blew my mind.

Yes, culture matters and it is great that some of you realize that the man you are dating does not have the same social norms. Do us guys a favor and don't try to change us; just find someone who's a better match to marry!

[Anonymous]

I like having doors opened for me but not car doors. That seems a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bothered by car doors, but my baseline is holding doors for anyone. One of my biggest peeves is people (male or female) who don't glance back and hold a door a few seconds for someone coming.

+1

Oh yeah. It seems some women are really bad at this. I watch a woman today who let a door slam on a guy carrying a few boxes. She knew the guy was there, just did not care.

Ah, her husband then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not bothered by car doors, but my baseline is holding doors for anyone. One of my biggest peeves is people (male or female) who don't glance back and hold a door a few seconds for someone coming.

+1

This. I noticed my DH is quite aware of his surroundings and considerate of other people. I would say this does carry over into other things in thoughtfulness. With car doors, pre keyless entry or him using/having a remote unlock, I did like him to unlock my car side first when we were getting into the car and and I would lean over and unlock his side. It was more that I didn't want to wait in the cold, rain, dark parking lot etc, as he used the key to open his door and then unlock mine.

[Anonymous]

I'm 33 and dating a guy who is 31. He has never opened the car door deliberately for me, nor has he asked my father's permission to marry me which is in the process of happening.

When we walk along a busy street or sidewalk, I swing his arm over to the side of the street that I want him to walk on.
I just tell him when I want the door opened. I told him he needs to get both my parents permission to propose to me.

What's wrong with women who expect these treatments to just take an initiative and tell the guy what they want instead of getting upset about what's not happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33 and dating a guy who is 31. He has never opened the car door deliberately for me, nor has he asked my father's permission to marry me which is in the process of happening.

When we walk along a busy street or sidewalk, I swing his arm over to the side of the street that I want him to walk on.
I just tell him when I want the door opened. I told him he needs to get both my parents permission to propose to me.

What's wrong with women who expect these treatments to just take an initiative and tell the guy what they want instead of getting upset about what's not happening?

OP here:

Nothing at all. I do it regularly....nicely and when appropriate. One guy told me that I shouldn't expect that from him. Another guy seemed to be understanding and very willing to comply...but that relationship is almost completely fizzled out at this point.