Dating men and having them open doors...or not.

[Anonymous]

Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

Thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

I told my partner after a few months of us dating that my dad always gets the doors for my mom and I'm hiping for the same kind of man. He's done it ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, if the women is driving I am supposed to walk to the drivers side and open the door for her? Then go and get in the passenger side?

You women are nuts. She's driving. She hits unlock on the. At and we get in.

Good lord. No wonder you women are still single.

You women huh? Yeah, you sound like a real catch.

I'm sure he has his "woman" driving his ass around.

Funny, I read his comment and my first thought was "Yeah, I bet the woman is driving on most of their outings."

[Anonymous]

Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone should extend courtesies to everyone regardless of gender.

But I am extremely wary of a guy who goes over the top in an obvious way that is beyond social norms. Red flag for me.

I recall a dinner where everyone was casual and having a great loud fun time, and it was a really long event. One couple drew everyone's attention because every time a woman left to go to the bathroom, the guy would stand in a most formal fashion (he'd even stop talking mid sentence and not resume until he sat down). It was very awkward and drew unwanted attention to the fact that one was excusing herself to the ladies room. And the wife seemed really into it and went to the rest room an inordinate number of times. DH and I joked afterward that they use be in a dominatrix-type relationship. It was so creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone should extend courtesies to everyone regardless of gender.

But I am extremely wary of a guy who goes over the top in an obvious way that is beyond social norms. Red flag for me.

I recall a dinner where everyone was casual and having a great loud fun time, and it was a really long event. One couple drew everyone's attention because every time a woman left to go to the bathroom, the guy would stand in a most formal fashion (he'd even stop talking mid sentence and not resume until he sat down). It was very awkward and drew unwanted attention to the fact that one was excusing herself to the ladies room. And the wife seemed really into it and went to the rest room an inordinate number of times. DH and I joked afterward that they use be in a dominatrix-type relationship. It was so creepy.

Me too. I like standard opening a building door niceties, but I once dated a guy who would get out of the car and open my door when he picked me up. It felt strange and like he was the chauffeur. It also was indicative of all types of backwards thinking.
General chivalry and manners yes, putting on a big over the top performance no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

In my experience a man who shows his respect by opening doors has very little respect for women in other day to day areas of life. Have a tendency to think in Men do X and women do x. It's not my cup of tea, but there are plenty of women like you OP and plenty of men who are into that traditional style of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone should extend courtesies to everyone regardless of gender.

But I am extremely wary of a guy who goes over the top in an obvious way that is beyond social norms. Red flag for me.

I recall a dinner where everyone was casual and having a great loud fun time, and it was a really long event. One couple drew everyone's attention because every time a woman left to go to the bathroom, the guy would stand in a most formal fashion (he'd even stop talking mid sentence and not resume until he sat down). It was very awkward and drew unwanted attention to the fact that one was excusing herself to the ladies room. And the wife seemed really into it and went to the rest room an inordinate number of times. DH and I joked afterward that they use be in a dominatrix-type relationship. It was so creepy.

Me too. I like standard opening a building door niceties, but I once dated a guy who would get out of the car and open my door when he picked me up. It felt strange and like he was the chauffeur. It also was indicative of all types of backwards thinking.
General chivalry and manners yes, putting on a big over the top performance no.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

Did he also get your Dad's permission to marry you and gift him with some cattle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing the constructs people choose for attraction without objectively considering the value of the underlying construct.

It's 2016.

Then they wonder why we still lag behind in pay. Why maternity leave is basically does not exist , and complain about being left to care for everything in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

Did he also get your Dad's permission to marry you and gift him with some cattle?

Thats not how dowries work.

DH is still waiting on his cows. 15 years later and he still complains how he got shafted. Whenever he wants a steak and we're having pork, he'll say, "If I'd gotten that dowry, maybe we could have steak more often."

[Anonymous]

Simple: whoever gets to the door first holds it for the next person. I also believe in going dutch at the restaurant if both have jobs. So I guess I'm a crazy outlier.