Dating men and having them open doors...or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again:

Would you ladies tell the guy that you prefer chivalry in your guys? I'm not talking about in a critical way, but maybe as part of general conversation? ("I like guys who are hard-working, chivalrous, etc.")

Or would you be more direct? ("Hey buddy, you don't believe in holding doors!?") LOL

Or, third option: Say nothing.

You might start a conversation with him by asking,...... “Do you believe, as the saying goes, that chivalry is dead?” And, let the conversation continue from there. You will certainly have an opportunity to express your preference.........

That's sort of the approach I'm taking. I wait for general conversation and I bring it up to get their thoughts.

One guy said that he doesn't do it because he's been criticized for it in the past. Another guy told me flat out that he doesn't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30. I'm not a fan of when guys treat women like they are "precious things". Holding car doors is one of those (IMO others doors should be held by anyone for anyone). I have a lot of friends with similar thoughts. We all grew up more Northern wonder if some of these guys have dealt with more women like us and that's part of it.

OP here: Thanks for your honest, respectful reply. I agree that part of it is that many women don't like it...and guys have been criticized for such behavior.

That's kind of why I wonder if it's better to tell them you prefer it. I'm not sure.

Pp here. Yes I think it's best to tell. I imagine it is hard being a guy and not being sure what might offend someone or not. If you otherwise like a guy, I see nothing wrong with being direct and telling them that you like it when guys hold car doors. If a guy is annoyed by it, not someone you'd want to date anyways.

Now I wouldn't say this on the first date because many guys would mistake you for being high maintenance.

The other thing is that if this turns you off to the point you completely lose interest, you might need to ease up a little because you'll be eliminating otherwise very nice guys.

OP here:

Excellent point! I agree with you, and I'm trying to be open minded about this and everything.

[Anonymous]

I definitely notice when a man lets me walk out of an elevator first. I think it's a very nice gesture. I always say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Well fiddle dee dee. Do you also expect your man to choose your entree for you At the restaurant, and tell the waiter that "the lady will have the chicken Kiev ..." ? Because sure, you could do it yourself but it's just so -respectful- when the man communicates for you so you don't have to tire yourself. After all, the restaurant doesn't have a fainting couch like your home does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well fiddle dee dee. Do you also expect your man to choose your entree for you At the restaurant, and tell the waiter that "the lady will have the chicken Kiev ..." ? Because sure, you could do it yourself but it's just so -respectful- when the man communicates for you so you don't have to tire yourself. After all, the restaurant doesn't have a fainting couch like your home does.

OP here:

Thanks for the comedy. I got a good laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goodness knows I'm probably setting myself up for criticism, but...


I'm 41 and dating. I prefer younger guys (guys in their 30s), and I get turned off by guys [on dates] who don't open my car door and allow me to walk through doors first. Lately, I've gone on dates with guys who don't do these things. I certainly don't act like a jerk and stand there waiting for them to open my doors, etc. I proceed as normal, as if it doesn't bother me.

But, I can't help but feel that if you are trying to impress a woman, you should do these niceties. Am I way off base?

Sure, I've been with guys who don't open doors and who aren't generally chivalrous. I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker, but it's a turn-off for sure.

I guess what I'm asking you guys is: Am I pretty much alone? Would any other ladies find a lack of chivalry a turn-off?

Its actually common courtesy, no matter your gender. I base it more on age. If i see someone behind me while I am approaching a door, I open the door for them. Period.

That said, OP I am 100% okay with a man doing this. No hang ups, and i have nothing to prove ....."I am woman, hear me roar etc...".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30. I'm not a fan of when guys treat women like they are "precious things". Holding car doors is one of those (IMO others doors should be held by anyone for anyone). I have a lot of friends with similar thoughts. We all grew up more Northern wonder if some of these guys have dealt with more women like us and that's part of it.

OP here: Thanks for your honest, respectful reply. I agree that part of it is that many women don't like it...and guys have been criticized for such behavior.

That's kind of why I wonder if it's better to tell them you prefer it. I'm not sure.

I'm in my sixties and never been criticized for acting like a gentleman.

[Anonymous]

I was raised "well" and expected men to open my doors when first dating and I still expect my husband to do so occasionally. He always lets me enter through a door first. I wouldn't have dated or married someone without good manners, but that's how I roll. My husband is far from perfect but he has great manners and knows how to be a gentleman.

[Anonymous]

I think the first person who gets to the door should hold it open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the first person who gets to the door should hold it open.

The thread is about men being chivalrous by opening car doors and the like for their women. It's not about general door holding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No wonder you are still looking at 41. Too focused on superficial things.

Are you assuming the OP has never been married?

To the OP's question, I don't care if I am dating the woman, or it is a family member, or a female friend, I open car doors for women. There have been times where the woman will reach over and try to open the driver's door as I walk over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the first person who gets to the door should hold it open.

+1

I think it's awkward when a woman gets to the door first and just stands there waiting for her date to open it. You can change your positioning so that you'll arrive second if you really need a man to open the door for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To the OP's question, I don't care if I am dating the woman, or it is a family member, or a female friend, I open car doors for women. There have been times where the woman will reach over and try to open the driver's door as I walk over.

That was a good practice before keyless entry, but imo, physically opening the door for able-bodied adults is outdated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the first person who gets to the door should hold it open.

+1

I think it's awkward when a woman gets to the door first and just stands there waiting for her date to open it. You can change your positioning so that you'll arrive second if you really need a man to open the door for you.

That's why my husband body checks me at doorways when I get there first.

[Anonymous]

I'm 49 and and really dislike sex-specific courtesies in general. I think everyone should be courteous. I would not be turned off by a man who does not go out of his way to hold the door open for me. If he's in front of me, he should. If I'm in front of him, I should hold the door for him.

I don't think I've ever had someone hold a car door open for me, other than at prom a million years ago. By the boyfriend who didn't think I should go to college, because he wasn't.

Having said all of that, kindness and courtesy in a man are very important. But it's the total package I look at. A lot of jerks open doors because they care about appearances. Be wary of placing too much importance on superficial displays like that.