Dating men and having them open doors...or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a chivalrous man, I hold doors for strangers all the time. If the person doesn't respond in kind with a thanks, I always respond with a "thank you" and smile as I walk away. Common courtesy goes both ways and you would be surprised how many people don't acknowledge it.

Wait, if you hold the door for somebody and they don't sufficiently acknowledge you, you say a snarky "thank you" to them as you are walking away? Ugh. You don't know the meaning of courtesy. You probably order women to smile, too.

[Anonymous]

The worse is when a man opens the door but I'm a few feet back so I have to do this fake run in order to catch up to the man holding the door for me. Just fucking close it and stop making me run. I do respond with a thank you after I catch my breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still open doors for DW when we don't have the little ones with us. When I was dating, deal breakers were: 1. women who waited for me to open the car door. For example, if I'm loading something heavy into the trunk and the car is unlocked, don't wait at the door for me. 2. Women who told me they were feminists but also expected me to conform to some traditional gender roles/behaviors they found appealing like chivalry. Just signaled to me a woman who didn't know what she wanted. To be clear, I had no problem dating feminists, but I just expected consistency. Sort of similar to the women in this thread that posted they were just turned off by certain statements made by certain men they were dating.

Has this actually happened to you? Good lord.

I when I read some of these posters, I envision Blanche from the Golden Girls, in all her delusional glory.

[Anonymous]

I think to arrive somewhere with a man in a car, and sit on your side waiting for him to run around and open your door, is psychotic. Extra points for crazy is it's the woman driving and waiting on the driver's side. Or are women not supposed to do that?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, if a woman is driving, she is implicitly agreeing to be a part of Modern Times, where women can open their own doors.

The open woman who should be "waiting" for a man to open a car door for her is the Queen of England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

Not about appearances. Men who do this don't appreciate you, per se. They appreciate their feeling of superiority over you.

[Anonymous]

I hold doors for women until I have sex with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

Not about appearances. Men who do this don't appreciate you, per se. They appreciate their feeling of superiority over you.

Geez, you must be the reason some men don't bother with chivalry. It makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the chivalrous men who have responded. I can't for the life of me understand why any woman would find it insulting.

I (OP) understand why some women find it insulting. I don't agree, but I understand. They feel that chivalry makes them appear helpless and weak. For me, though, it's no reflection of my strength and capabilities. It's just an indication of a man's appreciation and respect.

That's what I think, anyway.

Not about appearances. Men who do this don't appreciate you, per se. They appreciate their feeling of superiority over you.

Geez, you must be the reason some men don't bother with chivalry. It makes me sad.

Agreed. Some people are so pessimistic that they can't fathom that someone could do something nice for them without an agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

The choice to not do this means I don't have children. My husband by default chooses not to do this but still can have children. Also I live in reality, which means if my husband wants children I have to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

The choice to not do this means I don't have children. My husband by default chooses not to do this but still can have children. Also I live in reality, which means if my husband wants children I have to have them.

Ever heard of adoption? You don't have to bear children. You chose to do so. So quit your bitching.

[Anonymous]

Op, re: your date, holding-a-door when it's logical courtesy - done for anyone. Ideally he's aware but perfection should not be the goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am male and I just hold building doors open for everyone. I thought this was just something that adults do.

If a passenger door for a car is locked, I'll unlock it. In the days of power locks, I'd honestly feel a bit silly walking around a car to open an unlocked door for a able-bodied adult. Maybe I would do this for my grandmother, who physically (and mentally) struggles with things that we take for granted.

As for pulling chairs out -- again, I'd feel silly doing this for an able-bodied grown-up. And you should feel silly for expecting it.

On the other hand, I'm egalitarian and agree with most feminist stances on political issues. Do you want to be treated like a helpless doll who constantly requires "special handling" or do you want to be treated as an equal?

No, but I want you to show more respect for me than a random male also trying to enter through a door. Do I want to be treated like an equal? I will never be an equal given I've been assigned the duty of giving birth and having children. The least you could do is show some appreciation. Also women are less likely to try and enter a door first if they are not giving the chance. A woman on a date with you is most likely trying to be polite and isn't going to push her way through or try and get in front of you. So that's why you should open her door - so she is able to enter through the door first.

I think all of this depends on how much you value traditions and how you were raised. I was raised in a family where we write thank you notes.

Uh, this is bullshit. You have not been *assigned* this duty. You either choose to do so, or you don't. Not all women are mothers, and not all mothers birth their children. Martyr much?

The choice to not do this means I don't have children. My husband by default chooses not to do this but still can have children. Also I live in reality, which means if my husband wants children I have to have them.

Ever heard of adoption? You don't have to bear children. You chose to do so. So quit your bitching.

You sound like you have a mentality of helplessness. Many women suffer from an external locus of control, where they consistently underestimate the amount of control they have over events and relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently married 38 year old man. I like chivalry and treat women accordingly. I found it a turn off if women criticized it. Someone out there for you OP. Hold out for a man with manners

Did he also get your Dad's permission to marry you and gift him with some cattle?

I am the man who you are responding to. Yes I did ask her dad.

I get some women find this all antiquated and demeaning. No big deal, not everyone is compatible