What do you think of a single, childless 40 years old woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me. I did not meet the right guy until 50. Then I married a great guy and now we have twins. Life is good.

Wow. Kudos to you!

Wait. You met a guy when you were 50, and then had twins? Or did you adopt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was me. I did not meet the right guy until 50. Then I married a great guy and now we have twins. Life is good.

Wow. Kudos to you!

Wait. You met a guy when you were 50, and then had twins? Or did you adopt?

Why? Does it make much difference to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is 42 and really wants a husband and a baby but it's looking like it won't happen anytime soon. She is beautiful, kind, smart and independent. She was in a long term relationship with a man who kept telling her she was the one but he wasn't ready to settle down. He also did not want to have a baby. After years of being together she gave him an ultimatum and he walked. A year or so they broke up my friend found out that he had a girlfriend who was pregnant. It devasted her. She finally got I to another relationship with someone who she settled for and eventually grew to love but he lied about money and at 45 was really bad with his finances. He owed so much on his credit card and he was buying new cars and motor cycles. She found out he was in a huge amount of debt and still spent money recklessly. He had her buy a motorcycle on his name when he accidently forgot his wallet at home. This was the deal breaker for her. She is now depressed about the fact that she may never become a mother and it's all she has ever wanted.

This is where I blame the woman for letting stupid men take away their chance to have a family. She should have stopped her pill long before and let nature run it's course. Too bad if he didn't like it, he was leading her on like many men do. Why you are seeing record numbers of professional women having kids without being married. Women are always happy they have their kids and grandkids, men on the other hand typically don't last due to divorce, or death.

Yeah being depressed and not taking control of her life is really going to help. At her age I'd make sure to have a child with or without a partner. Best thing I ever did was have my kids, but I also know a lady like her. She is now 50 and miserable. She let all these men dictate and take away her happiness. Poor choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is 42 and really wants a husband and a baby but it's looking like it won't happen anytime soon. She is beautiful, kind, smart and independent. She was in a long term relationship with a man who kept telling her she was the one but he wasn't ready to settle down. He also did not want to have a baby. After years of being together she gave him an ultimatum and he walked. A year or so they broke up my friend found out that he had a girlfriend who was pregnant. It devasted her. She finally got I to another relationship with someone who she settled for and eventually grew to love but he lied about money and at 45 was really bad with his finances. He owed so much on his credit card and he was buying new cars and motor cycles. She found out he was in a huge amount of debt and still spent money recklessly. He had her buy a motorcycle on his name when he accidently forgot his wallet at home. This was the deal breaker for her. She is now depressed about the fact that she may never become a mother and it's all she has ever wanted.

This is where I blame the woman for letting stupid men take away their chance to have a family. She should have stopped her pill long before and let nature run it's course. Too bad if he didn't like it, he was leading her on like many men do. Why you are seeing record numbers of professional women having kids without being married. Women are always happy they have their kids and grandkids, men on the other hand typically don't last due to divorce, or death.

Yeah being depressed and not taking control of her life is really going to help. At her age I'd make sure to have a child with or without a partner. Best thing I ever did was have my kids, but I also know a lady like her. She is now 50 and miserable. She let all these men dictate and take away her happiness. Poor choices.

So, as someone who did not marry until late (and was fine with that), and also did not want kids, I tend to be very sensitive to critiques about, ya know, spinsters and their bad choices.

But in this case, it really does sound like your friend set herself up for not getting what she wanted. It is obviously not an impossible feat to get married and bear children. Most people do it. So probably having kids is not the only thing she ever wanted - it sounds like she may also have been into the thrill of not knowing, or enjoying sex with reckless men, etc et.

I'm sorry she didn't get what she wanted, but I am guessing that she also kept herself entertained with the drama.

[Anonymous]

I have plenty of friends (of both sexes) who fit this description. Some of them are seriously rocking it - they have great jobs, own property, travel, have good social lives, look good, date when they want to, and seem happy. They may want to get married or have kids but they're not letting it rule them.

But some seem like they are marking time until the perfect guy swoops in to save them from their unfulfilled life and they can suddenly do a hail-mary and somehow produce 2-3 perfect children and buy the house they were never willing to buy when they were single. They seem to be putting their "real lives" on hold waiting for marriage and kids. Ironically, some of these people have great lives too, but they don't realize it.

I prefer hanging with the first type. It's easier and more fun. And frankly, it's really hard to do happy hour with the second type, because they are (a) too busy looking for a dude to actually hang out with their friends, and (b) going to compete with you for the attentions of males if you are also single. Women who are anxious to settle down do not usually make very good wingmen.

As for why women end up child-free and single at 40, there are lots of reasons. Some of it's bad luck or bad timing - they might have done everything right and still just not found someone. Not everyone is ready at 25 to meet someone, which is when single dudes are most plentiful. Then once you get past a certain age, you meet more married folks (or badly divorced folks) than single ones. Some people don't try hard enough to get out there and meet people. Some people have such high standards that they are fishing from a very small pool. Some people have unrealistic standards and the people that attract them are not attracted TO them. Some people don't do well on dates, and come off as awkward or boring. Some don't want kids, and some don't really want to get married.

For every deal breaker I can think of in a relationship, someone I know has that "deal breaker" and is happily married anyway. For every awesome "marriageable" trait out there, someone I know has that and is single anyway. There's not always logic to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have plenty of friends (of both sexes) who fit this description. Some of them are seriously rocking it - they have great jobs, own property, travel, have good social lives, look good, date when they want to, and seem happy. They may want to get married or have kids but they're not letting it rule them.

But some seem like they are marking time until the perfect guy swoops in to save them from their unfulfilled life and they can suddenly do a hail-mary and somehow produce 2-3 perfect children and buy the house they were never willing to buy when they were single. They seem to be putting their "real lives" on hold waiting for marriage and kids. Ironically, some of these people have great lives too, but they don't realize it.

I prefer hanging with the first type. It's easier and more fun. And frankly, it's really hard to do happy hour with the second type, because they are (a) too busy looking for a dude to actually hang out with their friends, and (b) going to compete with you for the attentions of males if you are also single. Women who are anxious to settle down do not usually make very good wingmen.

As for why women end up child-free and single at 40, there are lots of reasons. Some of it's bad luck or bad timing - they might have done everything right and still just not found someone. Not everyone is ready at 25 to meet someone, which is when single dudes are most plentiful. Then once you get past a certain age, you meet more married folks (or badly divorced folks) than single ones. Some people don't try hard enough to get out there and meet people. Some people have such high standards that they are fishing from a very small pool. Some people have unrealistic standards and the people that attract them are not attracted TO them. Some people don't do well on dates, and come off as awkward or boring. Some don't want kids, and some don't really want to get married.

For every deal breaker I can think of in a relationship, someone I know has that "deal breaker" and is happily married anyway. For every awesome "marriageable" trait out there, someone I know has that and is single anyway. There's not always logic to it.

Great post, thanks! I also fully subscribe to the bolded part; sometimes, there is no discernible cause-and-effect when it comes to human relationships.

[Anonymous]

You should make a point to be happy no matter where you are in life, and as long as you have your health. That's the big one. People waiting or living in a fantasy are usually in denial.

[Anonymous]

I look at my friends and my family with kids, and I kind of feel sorry for them to be honest. They feel sorry for me and pity me, but I think wow they haven't seen the world at all. Why are marriage and kids the standard to live up to? I think travelling the world, getting to know yourself, then meeting someone later in life should be the ideal. A lot of friend who judged me are now divorced and starting over, so really who was the smart one??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think one of the bitter truths these seemingly desirable yet unmarried 40.something's have to face up to is if they let their politics dictate their relationships. Ladies if you're going to reject a relationship with a man because he doesn't share your views in things like feminism, climate change, politics generally and similar nonsense, you're going to seriously limit your options. Think of all the women who refused to get involved with a high earning Conservative but all the liberal slobs they dated whose politics s they shared weren't responsible partners. After all a woman without a man Is like a fish without a bicycle right? Men and specifically fathers aren't even necessary. That's what you all purport to believe. If you don't value marriage don't be surprised if a lot of the men you date don't either.

Please translate into english. Then, remove your head from your rear.

What you quote is very. Clear. Being a shrill nasty woman isn't a good strategy for a woman who wants marriage and children but you know that already from personal experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look at my friends and my family with kids, and I kind of feel sorry for them to be honest. They feel sorry for me and pity me, but I think wow they haven't seen the world at all. Why are marriage and kids the standard to live up to? I think travelling the world, getting to know yourself, then meeting someone later in life should be the ideal. A lot of friend who judged me are now divorced and starting over, so really who was the smart one??

That's fine but if you really believe that why are you trying to justify your existence. You traveled? WOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look at my friends and my family with kids, and I kind of feel sorry for them to be honest. They feel sorry for me and pity me, but I think wow they haven't seen the world at all. Why are marriage and kids the standard to live up to? I think travelling the world, getting to know yourself, then meeting someone later in life should be the ideal. A lot of friend who judged me are now divorced and starting over, so really who was the smart one??

So, you're an unattractive childless loser, then?

[Anonymous]

I gave birth at 54 to twins. It is all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look at my friends and my family with kids, and I kind of feel sorry for them to be honest. They feel sorry for me and pity me, but I think wow they haven't seen the world at all. Why are marriage and kids the standard to live up to? I think travelling the world, getting to know yourself, then meeting someone later in life should be the ideal. A lot of friend who judged me are now divorced and starting over, so really who was the smart one??

That's fine but if you really believe that why are you trying to justify your existence. You traveled? WOW.

Not PP, but where exactly do you see the justification?

Sometimes I wonder who posts shit like this. No one I know who is happily married would bother. You sound miserable and vile.

[Anonymous]

I think she must have a fun and free life. I do have one friend who is 40ish, owns her own home, has many friends, successful in her career, and enjoys frequent travel. She has trouble connecting with people in a relationship sense, though, so I fear she does get lonely. But on balance, I think she's doing well. Don't think she wants to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I look at my friends and my family with kids, and I kind of feel sorry for them to be honest. They feel sorry for me and pity me, but I think wow they haven't seen the world at all. Why are marriage and kids the standard to live up to? I think travelling the world, getting to know yourself, then meeting someone later in life should be the ideal. A lot of friend who judged me are now divorced and starting over, so really who was the smart one??

So, you're an unattractive childless loser, then?

Way to project your issues on the PP. I am married with kids and although I love my life, I do wonder why marriage with kids is the standard? Taking care of small children takes up years and years of our lives and tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. Of course it's personally rewarding, but it's not like we're changing the world or anything. I celebrate anyone who makes a different choice and finds happiness.