How to make sex a priority without making it a chore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So you basically dumped the kids and household duties in the evenings on your wife because she wouldn't have sex with you?

I tried to come home and have dinner with the family, and help get kids to bed if I could, but the additional choreplay, or seeing what I could do to make my DW's life easier had no effect on her libido. Being a little more selfish with my time did lead to more sex. Perhaps I was more interesting to her or women have an instinct to bring a man back with sex if they feel him slipping? Who knows. And of course there are many women with a raging libido that would ravage their husbands if they weren't so exhausted; that wasn't my DW, YMMV.

Doing more chores and helping around the house never got any man additional sex. Those are just BS excuses offered up by women. If she wants sex she'll have sex, even with a sink full of dirty dishes. If she doesn't want sex (with you) then cleaning the toilet isn't going to get her hot. It's absurd.

There is a similar thread on explicit and someone made the point that what women want is a good husband and what turns them on to a lover are two different things. By creating a good husband they're creating a man that they have no desire to screw. PP's anecdote about doing fewer chores and being his own man...and getting more sex...makes sense.

I've (wife) never turned my DH down in 25 years (and pursue him often) but would kick him out if he didn't help with chores. Being a good, decent man is always a good thing and doing household chores is part of that. It is incredibly sexy to see a man doing chores too.

The dishes are my husbands thing and HE wouldn't have sex without them being cleaned up (and I would clean them is I have to/wanted sex).

Having the DW cleaning all the toilets is going to result in her killing you in your sleep and then you won't be having much sex. There is a correlation.

You are completely different than what I or the OP is married to. You pursue your husband for sex, you never turn him down - great for you two (sincerely)! So I can totally see why his helping to get the house in order and get the housework done could lead to sex, because you both really want to have sex and totally will once you get the house straightened up and the kids to bed and hopefully to do so before you are exhausted. Me, OP, many other men would be Mr. Clean if that were the case.

But you are nothing like OP's DW, my DW, who have close to zero interest in sex (in general, with us, who knows). Choreplay didn't turn you on, it merely allowed you to have more time and energy for the sex you wanted to have. If you didn't want to have sex to begin with, this isn't a solution (although it might give your uninterested DW some time to allow maintenance sex which is precisely what OP doesn't want on a routine basis).

Correct. Lack of Choreplay as an excuse is just that, an excuse for an otherwise uninterested partner to shift blame to the other. No low libido woman anywhere is going to get hot for their husband because he did a better job taking out the trash or folding clothes.

Why are there low libido women who are married? Sorry for the dumb question but unless they marry an asexual were you tricked into marriage of did you notice signs when you were dating?
I feel bad for those of you married to 'low libido' people - it seems miserable.

Why are there low libido women who are married? Sorry for the dumb question but unless they marry an asexual were you tricked into marriage of did you notice signs when you were dating?
I feel bad for those of you married to 'low libido' people - it seems miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there low libido women who are married? Sorry for the dumb question but unless they marry an asexual were you tricked into marriage of did you notice signs when you were dating?
I feel bad for those of you married to 'low libido' people - it seems miserable.

Well, obviously people change over the years. Just because two people generally want it 5 times a week at age 24 doesn't mean they'll both want that same frequency 20 years later. If you're 25 with a great sex life today, don'y be so naive as to think that it can't change. Maybe it won't, but you'd certainly be the exception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there low libido women who are married? Sorry for the dumb question but unless they marry an asexual were you tricked into marriage of did you notice signs when you were dating?
I feel bad for those of you married to 'low libido' people - it seems miserable.

Well, obviously people change over the years. Just because two people generally want it 5 times a week at age 24 doesn't mean they'll both want that same frequency 20 years later. If you're 25 with a great sex life today, don'y be so naive as to think that it can't change. Maybe it won't, but you'd certainly be the exception.

On average, women in long term relationships want sex less and less. Not all women, but many. Sure, there are women who never wanted sex early and tricked men, but I don't think that is common. What is more likely is the man's sex drive stays relatively constant, but women's drops with familiarity, kids, menopause, etc. and the gap in drive becomes a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there low libido women who are married? Sorry for the dumb question but unless they marry an asexual were you tricked into marriage of did you notice signs when you were dating?
I feel bad for those of you married to 'low libido' people - it seems miserable.

Well, obviously people change over the years. Just because two people generally want it 5 times a week at age 24 doesn't mean they'll both want that same frequency 20 years later. If you're 25 with a great sex life today, don'y be so naive as to think that it can't change. Maybe it won't, but you'd certainly be the exception.

It can change - in a heartbeat. I have friends undergoing cancer treatment and some friends whose spouses have died (even youngish ones).
Some blood pressure and antidepressants can kill sex drive.
I just don't get taking for granted what you still have while you have it.