Ex hubby's girlfriend moved in and didn't tell me

[Anonymous]

Wow insults are flying. Why can't peeps be nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow insults are flying. Why can't peeps be nice?

You have no self awareness and go from calm to crazy in a matter of 120 seconds. Just look at the time stamps. It's obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cant believe the posters who are saying its none of her business! If he were just dating, thats one thing, but he moved her in. Of course the mom or dad should be told about who is going to be around the child. Thats just common sense and common courtesy!

Nope.

It is common sense that when you are divorced, you lose the right to know anything about the other person's personal life. If you don't like that, don't get divorced.

He has the right to see whoever he wants, and tell her only what he wants her to know about it, including nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, troll scum: leave the woman alone. Your comments are NOT HELPFUL.

Hey sock puppet OP: you are a lunatic and not so smart.

I wondered about whether this was what was happening.

If it is, then OP has lost it. She really needs help and can you blame her ex for not wanting to have to communicate with her unless it is absolutely necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a great relationship with your ex, why would he tell you? It isn't your business. Unless your custody agreement forbids it (I doubt it), I don't understand what the issue is.

Really? You wouldn't want to know who this person is who is spending a ton of time around your child? What kind of a person are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a great relationship with your ex, why would he tell you? It isn't your business. Unless your custody agreement forbids it (I doubt it), I don't understand what the issue is.

Really? You wouldn't want to know who this person is who is spending a ton of time around your child? What kind of a person are you?

OP, you have no right when it comes to your ex and his new partner unless there is abuse of some sort involved and in that case you just go to court. If you went to court just to demand the right to "interview" his new partner because she has contact with your daughter - whether minimal or substantial - you would be told in no uncertain terms that you are now divorced and neither your ex nor you has any say in who the other is dating and in terms of whether that person can be involved with your daughter.

Move on with your life: if he is really the jerk you say he is you should be glad to be rid of him. If he is not that bad, whether it was your fault or his or both your faults, the marriage is over and you should just move on. Anything you or he could have done to save your marriage should have been done before it broke down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a great relationship with your ex, why would he tell you? It isn't your business. Unless your custody agreement forbids it (I doubt it), I don't understand what the issue is.

Really? You wouldn't want to know who this person is who is spending a ton of time around your child? What kind of a person are you?

What you want to know and what you have a right to know are two different things.

"It isn't your business" means you don't have a right to know, however much you may want to.

This whole thread makes the OP look like a psycho. I am not surprised her ex wants to keep her at arms length.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a VIP day?

Very Important Person Day.

Basically you go in with a presentation of pictures and stories of your kid (power point, slide shows etc), do an activity for the kids and then take you kid off campus for lunch. After proding him asking if he was going to participate or not, I got a text, "Of course I will".

We had settled on the power point stuff to use her website so I sent him a bunch of pictures to upload on Friday but have no idea if he did this yet. And after yesterday, I just don't feel like dealing with him

Wow. VIP Day? And we wonder why our kids are self involved, entitled brats? I can think of many ways that time could be better spent -- handwriting, spelling, math facts, civics, writing...enough navel gazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow insults are flying. Why can't peeps be nice?

LOL, mostly from the OP!

[Anonymous]

PPs, do you have children? And if so, you'd really be comfortable not knowing anything about the person who is living with your child? Or at the very least, you'd be fine not knowing that your ex's SO moved in because it's "not your business"? I repeat, you do not have small children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a great relationship with your ex, why would he tell you? It isn't your business. Unless your custody agreement forbids it (I doubt it), I don't understand what the issue is.

Really? You wouldn't want to know who this person is who is spending a ton of time around your child? What kind of a person are you?

What you want to know and what you have a right to know are two different things.

"It isn't your business" means you don't have a right to know, however much you may want to.

This whole thread makes the OP look like a psycho. I am not surprised her ex wants to keep her at arms length.

+ a million

OP, your ranting makes it VERY clear that you are obsessed with controlling your ex and unable to see just how inappropriate your behavior is. And I suspect you are treating your daughter as your support system. Your daughter should not be obsessively telling you she loves you and wondering if you are ok. It is YOUR job to do that for her. The fact that it's the other way around suggests that your daughter feels like it is her responsibility to keep you happy and to mediate the conflict between you and her father. Please get some counseling before you completely destroy that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the healthy, functional version of your situation. My ex told me when his relationship became serious enough to introduce GF to DD. Not asking for permission but letting me know because it was w big deal thing that affects DD's life. When she moved in, he also let me know that that was happening. I'm not interested in being friends with his lady, but we've met and are cordial with each other. She has my phone number and email in case there is an emergency (with DD when she's over there or with my ex himself). Maybe you could mention this proactively to your ex - "Just wanted to make sure M knows how to get in touch in case there's an emergency."

The posters flipping out on you are completely nuts. I'm sure they require background checks and references for an occasional babysitter but think your discomfort with your ex concealing a live in caregiver and asking a seven year old to lie is crazy. That should tell you a lot.

^ This. Every last word.

Especially the last paragraph. These PPs saying it's none of your business that someone else - anyone else (girlfriend, roommate, family member, etc) - living in the same house where your child is spending a significant amount of time and spending the night are absurd. It is most definitely your business.

Your ex asking your DD to lie is the icing on the cake. Really unacceptable.

Please do your best to ignore the trolls insisting that you "made your bed" by divorcing this man. First off, no one here knows why you divorced. Maybe he was emotionally or physically abusive, maybe you simply fell out of love, maybe he simply fell out of love, maybe he was completely inconsiderate during your marriage like he is now, maybe he just left without an explanation, maybe he cheated, maybe you did. It really does not matter. When you have a child together, none of it matters. You are her mother and you have every right to know who is around your daughter and how often. I'm sure these PPs would be singing a different tune if the person who moved in with your ex was a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in the healthy, functional version of your situation. My ex told me when his relationship became serious enough to introduce GF to DD. Not asking for permission but letting me know because it was w big deal thing that affects DD's life. When she moved in, he also let me know that that was happening. I'm not interested in being friends with his lady, but we've met and are cordial with each other. She has my phone number and email in case there is an emergency (with DD when she's over there or with my ex himself). Maybe you could mention this proactively to your ex - "Just wanted to make sure M knows how to get in touch in case there's an emergency."

The posters flipping out on you are completely nuts. I'm sure they require background checks and references for an occasional babysitter but think your discomfort with your ex concealing a live in caregiver and asking a seven year old to lie is crazy. That should tell you a lot.

^ This. Every last word.

Especially the last paragraph. These PPs saying it's none of your business that someone else - anyone else (girlfriend, roommate, family member, etc) - living in the same house where your child is spending a significant amount of time and spending the night are absurd. It is most definitely your business.

Your ex asking your DD to lie is the icing on the cake. Really unacceptable.

Please do your best to ignore the trolls insisting that you "made your bed" by divorcing this man. First off, no one here knows why you divorced. Maybe he was emotionally or physically abusive, maybe you simply fell out of love, maybe he simply fell out of love, maybe he was completely inconsiderate during your marriage like he is now, maybe he just left without an explanation, maybe he cheated, maybe you did. It really does not matter. When you have a child together, none of it matters. You are her mother and you have every right to know who is around your daughter and how often. I'm sure these PPs would be singing a different tune if the person who moved in with your ex was a man.

Or maybe she is the psycho she has revealed herself as. I'm guessing that is why he dipped out. Hopefully the new girlfriend can model how an emotionally healthy woman behaves.

[Anonymous]

Dcum trolls suck. Good luck OP. I feel for ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a great relationship with your ex, why would he tell you? It isn't your business. Unless your custody agreement forbids it (I doubt it), I don't understand what the issue is.

Really? You wouldn't want to know who this person is who is spending a ton of time around your child? What kind of a person are you?

What you want to know and what you have a right to know are two different things.

"It isn't your business" means you don't have a right to know, however much you may want to.

This whole thread makes the OP look like a psycho. I am not surprised her ex wants to keep her at arms length.

+ a million

OP, your ranting makes it VERY clear that you are obsessed with controlling your ex and unable to see just how inappropriate your behavior is. And I suspect you are treating your daughter as your support system. Your daughter should not be obsessively telling you she loves you and wondering if you are ok. It is YOUR job to do that for her. The fact that it's the other way around suggests that your daughter feels like it is her responsibility to keep you happy and to mediate the conflict between you and her father. Please get some counseling before you completely destroy that child.

I know she shouldn't be saying all that stuff. She normally doesn't but started 3 weeks ago and I had no idea why. Now I do. Believe me, I understand fully how my behavior affects her. I know that 1000%. When she told me I was 100% calm and said its fine, next time she sees M, feel free to say hi. It's not a big deal.

It's her Dad that doesn't have a clue on how his behavior affects her. What she is learning is that the most significant man in her life completely minimizes any "bad" feeling she has. She tells me "But mom, I can't talk to Dad". Literally she called me at 7:30am to tell me something how she was feeling fat. I assured her that she's not at all, and that maybe she can talk to her Dad about it when she's with him. Nope. "I can't talk to Dad." It's tough to watch, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. But it still tugs at my heart strings.

New question - the ex recently told me he found my wedding dress in a pile of my old clothes in a trash bag in the attic and asked if I wanted it. Do I salvage it? Or burn it? I told him to throw everything else out. I don't really want it, but others have told me I should preserve it for my daughter.....