Ex hubby's girlfriend moved in and didn't tell me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can tell you I rarely talk to my daughter about her dad. We have our own lives and I have recreated a life for ourselves. This crap only comes up when he pulls this BS.

Yes, in the past I did get upset because I asked him not to introduce the GF yet, as we had just moved again and it was really really hard on my daughter. In that move she realized that we were not getting back together. Very long winded but it was really really tough, she hated my new apt, begged to go back to my old one and literally started hoarding, not throwing anything away. She didn't want a pet because she would miss it too much when it died. (Once I saw this, I took her to therapy. She went for 6 months. Did wonders). Of course it was the perfect time for a major introroductin.

Within one month he introduced M, had her sleep over, my daughter saw her in his bed (the same bed she saw me sleeping in), babysit her and would say things like - but Mom, she does everything you do??? Yep, confused.

It is one side of the story but I can tell you in very vague pretenses that at one point child protective services had to be called over his BS (because dancing naked in front of a 6 year old is distrubing at best, and her therapist reported it) and even last Labor Day weekend he didn't like something I did, drove up to my street and snatched my daughter from me on the side of the street when I was about to host a sleepover for the girls. And the next day told my daughter that I was supposed to apollogize to her. Can't make this shit up.

Yep, VIP day is on him. He will have to step up to the plate. I'm only going to take her to lunch afterwards and only focus on me and her as a family unit. Because the douchebag is not a part of our game plan.

So judge all you want DCUM. I know a few of you out there get it. In the end I have to coparent with a complete jerk.

Guess you shouldn't have gotten divorced then, toots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she does not have the right to know who is caring for her child? When ex is in Vegas and daughter is with girlfriend, not even the new wife, she does not have the right to know?

No, she doesn't. She has no such rights at all. That is his private life. None of her business, period.

You sound deranged. His private life, yes, who cares who he fXXX as long as he does not involve his child. You must be a gf.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day OP you chose him and then chose to have a child with him. If he is as bad as you say then you need to help your child. Having CPS involved for dancing naked in front of a 6 year old isn't normal. Only focusing on you and her as a family unit isn't normal. Hoarding after you have completely uprooted her (due to your bad choice) is completely normal.

I urge you to either take him to court or embrace how he does things because you may thinks this douchebag is messing her up but sadly you are too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I can tell you I rarely talk to my daughter about her dad. We have our own lives and I have recreated a life for ourselves. This crap only comes up when he pulls this BS.

Yes, in the past I did get upset because I asked him not to introduce the GF yet, as we had just moved again and it was really really hard on my daughter. In that move she realized that we were not getting back together. Very long winded but it was really really tough, she hated my new apt, begged to go back to my old one and literally started hoarding, not throwing anything away. She didn't want a pet because she would miss it too much when it died. (Once I saw this, I took her to therapy. She went for 6 months. Did wonders). Of course it was the perfect time for a major introroductin.

Within one month he introduced M, had her sleep over, my daughter saw her in his bed (the same bed she saw me sleeping in), babysit her and would say things like - but Mom, she does everything you do??? Yep, confused.

It is one side of the story but I can tell you in very vague pretenses that at one point child protective services had to be called over his BS (because dancing naked in front of a 6 year old is distrubing at best, and her therapist reported it) and even last Labor Day weekend he didn't like something I did, drove up to my street and snatched my daughter from me on the side of the street when I was about to host a sleepover for the girls. And the next day told my daughter that I was supposed to apollogize to her. Can't make this shit up.

Yep, VIP day is on him. He will have to step up to the plate. I'm only going to take her to lunch afterwards and only focus on me and her as a family unit. Because the douchebag is not a part of our game plan.

So judge all you want DCUM. I know a few of you out there get it. In the end I have to coparent with a complete jerk.

You do realize this is on you, right? You CHOSE to have this child with this man. You CHOSE to get divorced.

This is what comes from poor decision making. You are a great cautionary tale.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad the anti-divorce "you chose it, so anything bad that happens is your fault" posters are here. Op, you're not going to convince them. Give up now.

[Anonymous]

Not anti-divorce at all. But the child comes first and women who don't see that really fuck up their kids. Daddy problems see one thing, Mommy problems are life long especially for girls.

[Anonymous]

Well my daughter is adopted so yes we fully chose to become parents. I had no idea his Narrasstic tendencies would sky rocket once she came along. He became extremely emotionally abusive and somewhat phyiscal. So while I knew moving out would be harmful to my daughter I needed to leave. Abuse is not ok even when married and I didn't deserve it. Yes I chose him and he chose me and I thought he lived me. Nope. You don't treat a spouse like shit and call it love. In the end all I was a body he wanted to fuck. I realized I'm worth so much more than that.

I owe every decision I made. And I've learned a hell of a lot. If rather be alone that in a shitty abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad the anti-divorce "you chose it, so anything bad that happens is your fault" posters are here. Op, you're not going to convince them. Give up now.

Yes, giving up now. I spoke my peace and moving on. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Neither OP nor her ex sound particularly intelligent, mature, or well-adjusted. I feel bad for the child. She will spend years in therapy undoing the damage her parents are causing.

[Anonymous]

The ex should have told OP because it impacts their daughter.
OP contact with her isn't necessary. Whatever for?

[Anonymous]

Whoa OP doesn't your custody agreement have your daughter with you when your ex is out of town? Visitation is for the parent, not the parent's GF.

[Anonymous]

We need to take OP's comments with a pinch of salt because her anger and bitterness comes through loud and clear. I am not saying the ex is some paragon of virtue but it is so obvious that she is upset about another woman having taken her place.

I am not apart of any anti-divorce crowd, but people need to be willing to take responsibility for their actions, bad decisions, bad judgement, etc. If OP f'ked up marrying a self absorbed guy, he did not become like that only after he became a father.

I suspect this is a situation where the ex has moved on, has a way better standard of living, a woman who he is sharing his life with whether permanently or temporarily and all this irks OP no end. So she makes this an issue pertaining to he daughter. It is so obvious that this is what is happening.

Unless OP has reason to believe that her child is in danger, she has no say in her ex's living arrangements. If she believes this to be the case then she should go to court and get the judicial process involved.

The one I feel really sorry for is the daughter who is having to deal with an unstable mother and, perhaps, a not so great father - based on all that OP spews about him, assuming one can believe anything she says. Even the VIP day attendance is a perfect example: if she genuinely believes that her ex is not the best person to take her daughter for the event, she should be the one who takes her not to give her ex a break but because she is concerned about the best interests of her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We need to take OP's comments with a pinch of salt because her anger and bitterness comes through loud and clear. I am not saying the ex is some paragon of virtue but it is so obvious that she is upset about another woman having taken her place.

I am not apart of any anti-divorce crowd, but people need to be willing to take responsibility for their actions, bad decisions, bad judgement, etc. If OP f'ked up marrying a self absorbed guy, he did not become like that only after he became a father.

I suspect this is a situation where the ex has moved on, has a way better standard of living, a woman who he is sharing his life with whether permanently or temporarily and all this irks OP no end. So she makes this an issue pertaining to he daughter. It is so obvious that this is what is happening.

Unless OP has reason to believe that her child is in danger, she has no say in her ex's living arrangements. If she believes this to be the case then she should go to court and get the judicial process involved.

The one I feel really sorry for is the daughter who is having to deal with an unstable mother and, perhaps, a not so great father - based on all that OP spews about him, assuming one can believe anything she says. Even the VIP day attendance is a perfect example: if she genuinely believes that her ex is not the best person to take her daughter for the event, she should be the one who takes her not to give her ex a break but because she is concerned about the best interests of her daughter.

Yes, I married the wrong guy. Yes, it was always self involved and yes, I was there to always fill in for whatever reason because I loved him. Add in a kid and my attention being diverted to being Mom was the problem. No after working full time and taking care of a 1 year old, no I was tired and didn't feel like sex with a person who didn't give me the time of day. Literally, I became just a body to him and yes, it tried to fuck me in my sleep. Good times. Funny enough, after being divorced I've found I really like sex, I just had 14 years of shit one sided sex. Yuck!

Here's the thing, I spend so much time "filling in" because he drops the ball constantly with my daughter that I've reached my limit. He now has a permanate babysitter in his house, so I'm done filling in. Custody is 50/50, he doesn't give me squat for child support and I'm done. Trying to co-parent with him is a nightmare so I'm not going to do it anymore.

And I'll say it for the last time, I don't give a shit who's in his house, but since she's been on the hook of taking care of my daughter at times, there should be some kind of dialogue in case of an emergency. Why is that hard to understand? The chick is not next of kin and has no authority over my daughter. None.

[Anonymous]

WTF?? OP, I cannot fathom why you're being torn a new one.
It seems that you can say that your ex beats her with a belt and these posters will find away to blame you.

Somehow you've become a receptacle for people's anger and vitriol - perhaps it helps them not curse out their kids and kick their dog but you're not going to get reasonable, rational feedback here (with the exception of a few posters). You don't have to justify your discomfort about your ex, itakes perfect sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF?? OP, I cannot fathom why you're being torn a new one.
It seems that you can say that your ex beats her with a belt and these posters will find away to blame you.

Somehow you've become a receptacle for people's anger and vitriol - perhaps it helps them not curse out their kids and kick their dog but you're not going to get reasonable, rational feedback here (with the exception of a few posters). You don't have to justify your discomfort about your ex, itakes perfect sense.

Thanks!!! very much appreciated