12-YO was irresponsible, will cost us thousands; appropriate consequence?

[Anonymous]

$7,000 goldfish (contains real gold). He asked a neighbor about a mile away to watch it for a week. At the end of the week, he couldn't remember where the house was and now he's worried the fish is running out of food.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so disappointing. How can we give meaningful advice without knowing the crime?

If it is something that your child is usually responsible about, I would probably not punish him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$7,000 goldfish (contains real gold). He asked a neighbor about a mile away to watch it for a week. At the end of the week, he couldn't remember where the house was and now he's worried the fish is running out of food.

Well done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that it wasn't your fault in all honesty. What the heck did he do without supervision that caused the damage?

Typical DCUM response. It's the parents's fault. At 12 I was flying around the world by myself. You think a 12 year old really needs supervision like that? Well maybe yours does...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, 12, was very irresponsible (in a situation in which many times previously he had been responsible, and in which he knew he needed to be). As a result, we will have to spend many thousands of dollars (roughly 7K give or take). It did not involve anyone else, no one was hurt, and it wasn't anything at all risky/dangerous. Also, it wasn't a case of active irresponsibility, it was a case of negligence. (In other words, he didn't actively DO anything wrong, but he was thoughtless/careless.) We are struggling as to an appropriate consequence. It's not like he can reimburse us out of his allowance, LOL. Thinking of explaining to him that now we can't do a trip he would have gone on, and that now he can't go to camp, since we now have to use that money to pay for his mistake. (That is all true, although theoretically we could cover the cost and wouldn't literally have to cancel those items, but I think we should.) OTOH, he is only twelve, [b]mistakes happen, he feels terrible, and if he doesn't go to camp, he won't really have anything to do over the summer. Hoping that someone out there has been in a similar situation and can offer some suggestions? TIA.

OP, I don't really support your plan to punish him in any manner. Isn't a child making mistakes part of growing up to being a responsible adult? If your DS is remorseful, why would you punish him? Kids mistakes cost parents a lot of money sometimes. This is one of those circumstances. If you want to cancel the trip you planned for him, okay. But your DS is showing remorse, and you said yourself that he previously was always responsible. Let it go.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$7,000 goldfish (contains real gold). He asked a neighbor about a mile away to watch it for a week. At the end of the week, he couldn't remember where the house was and now he's worried the fish is running out of food.

Well done.

But the neighbor returned the $7,000 goldfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that it wasn't your fault in all honesty. What the heck did he do without supervision that caused the damage?

Typical DCUM response. It's the parents's fault. At 12 I was flying around the world by myself. You think a 12 year old really needs supervision like that? Well maybe yours does...

Well, I was flying around the world at 11. Yes, I was flying twin engine commercial aircraft myself between engagements at La Scala and the Met. I hate my parents for forcing me to do it and am a wreck now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reduce his allowance by a small percentage for a while. No, he can't pay you back but he can understand how mistakes can have financial consequences.

I think this is a good idea, and cancel the trip. Keep summer camp for your own sanity. Maybe even reduce bday, xmas gift. $7000 is a lot.

What for the next 20 years? You must spend a lot of money on your kids' gifts.

$7,000 is a lot, but OP, it's time to forgive and move on. You can't make a punishment that's commensurate in dollars, especially if something was done accidentally.

[Anonymous]

Kid is on trial for murder, lawyer costs are estimated at $7,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make him do something to mitigate the loss, but wouldn't form it as a punishment. It would be more like "I know this was an accident and we're not mad at you, but you have to help make up for it because it was your mistake. Because you're a kid, we'll help you make up for it, but you have to do your part." And then figure out a way for the kid to make up some significant chunk of the cost, . I'd be inclined to make it some chore type thing or neighborhood job to earn money. Like make him earn $1000 of the loss and show him the valuation of his jobs so he knows how much work it takes to earn $1k. Or tell him "we usually spend $x on going out to eat in a month -- this month, you're making dinner those nights instead". I like the painting the garage answer. Stuff like that. If the kid wasn't remorseful, I'd cancel his trip. But not camp. Leaving him home alone all summer will just lead to more trouble.

+1

[Anonymous]

SURELY OP WILL DELIVER UNLIKE HAIRBRUSH TEASE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$7,000 goldfish (contains real gold). He asked a neighbor about a mile away to watch it for a week. At the end of the week, he couldn't remember where the house was and now he's worried the fish is running out of food.

Well done.

But the neighbor returned the $7,000 goldfish.

Left it on the doorstep in 20ºF weather. Fish stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid is on trial for murder, lawyer costs are estimated at $7,000

lawyer fees for murder minimum 20k so nope

[Anonymous]

Didn't you all see it, OP snuck the answer in as a "guess" a while back

DS forgot to put the dog in his crate, he chewed the new Chesterfield sofa and ate the corner of the iPad , then the chocolates.

I have a 12 year old and I am honing in on which one of his friends did this....

[Anonymous]

OP, I'll pay you $7000 to tell us what it was!