I am a White Woman Trapped in a Black Woman's Body! AMA

[Anonymous]

OP, I am an AA woman. I've been following this thread and find your experience...interesting. I live in a predominantly upper class White neighborhood and have no qualms befriending someone of any race/SES/ethnicity/etc. but I find that white women show no interest in me at all; in fact, they flee the other direction when they see me approaching. I've wondered if it's because of my appearance -- I am very casual and wear my hair natural. I certainly don't look like I'm working with anything (i.e. wealth) but I am quite comfortable financially. Sad to say, I have similar experiences with Black women, especially AA women that appear to have a high SES. Maybe it's the area? I've lived here for 4 years and have yet to develop a real friendship.

I'm curious how you're able to strike friendships with White women so easily. Do they not regard you with suspicion or worse, a sense of superiority, the way they do me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am sorry if other black women find my post distasteful but this is how I feel. If we were to compare ourselves, many of you AA women have probably done more to appear white and be accepted by white society than me (if I have even done this at all). I wear my hair natural, have never bleached my skin or hair to a lighter color and have never worn a weave. Because my father is not from this country, I have no ancestors on his side who were slaves, so I know everything about my heritage on that side of the family and am very proud of my ethnicity. However, I relate more to, have more in common with and feel more comfortable around white American women than AA women. I am not sure why my perception about MYSELF offends you.

I'm one of the previous aa posters you are referring to.
Skin bleaching? Seriously? Skin bleaching is much more common and accepted in other cultures than it is among young-youngish aa women. Weaves are less common the higher up in ses you go. It's like you've never met any aa people in real life.
It feels like you are grasping to appear as something (Worldly? Cultured?) that you just don't seem to be. I feel for anyone who feels 'trapped' in their body. I hope you find some peace.

Yes, black women chemically straightening there hair IS an attempt to look more European because you do not like your naturally kinky hair. It is okay to admit it. So is wearing a weave. You are wearing the hair of another person. Don't you find that sad and pathetic??? And tanning is NOT an attempt to look Black. I hate it when AA's say this. Tanning is an attempt to look less pale and that is all. Again, why is how I feel about ME offensive to you?? How can you actually disagree with who I believe I am when you don't know me?? Think about that. It is very odd. If you told me you felt like an ape because of x,y and z, who am I to argue with you? You know you best, right?

I think you are responding to the wrong PP here, since you didn't address any points in the post you quoted. But an ape? Really? Excellent trolling.
It's bad enough you claim your father is from Africa (which is akin to me saying I'm from North America) right after talking about knowing all about your lineage on your father's side. And now this? Like I said, excellent trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything I've read from the OP makes me feel sad for her. However, I feel even more for her dd, who, if she hasn't already, will inevitably pick up on these identity issues from her mother. As it goes, we don't chose our parents.

Not necessarily. My mom was ambivalent, to say the least, about her blackness. She always preferred to date white or immigrants, though she ended up married to my dad, who is AA (though pretty light). I turned out ok, as far as I can tell. I felt sorry for my mom that she was was never able to appreciate that aspect of her heritage, just as I do with OP.

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel trapped?

[Anonymous]

I am a"nerdy" black woman who has always had more white friends than black due to where I grew up, went to school, lived and worked. I sometimes have felt judged by other high SES black women, because I don't have perfectly done hair, nails and outfits. It has taken some work for me to develop close friendships with other black women as an adult, but it has been well worth it.
I don't straighten my hair or lighten my skin or wear a weave (hostile and judgmental much, OP?).
I would never, ever consider myself a white woman "trapped" in a black woman's body. I am black. I may not be what the media sees as stereotypically black, but I am most definitely black. I don't understand why OP has such a narrow view of what it means to be black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a"nerdy" black woman who has always had more white friends than black due to where I grew up, went to school, lived and worked. I sometimes have felt judged by other high SES black women, because I don't have perfectly done hair, nails and outfits. It has taken some work for me to develop close friendships with other black women as an adult, but it has been well worth it.
I don't straighten my hair or lighten my skin or wear a weave (hostile and judgmental much, OP?).
I would never, ever consider myself a white woman "trapped" in a black woman's body. I am black. I may not be what the media sees as stereotypically black, but I am most definitely black. I don't understand why OP has such a narrow view of what it means to be black.

It seems to me from reading this thread that OP's bad childhood experiences (she mentions being bullied by other black kids as a child, and also being raised by an immigrant parent as well as an AA parent), has shaped her sense of self. Seems reasonable to me, she seems to identify a bit more with her father's experiences than her mother's, but since she's not in Africa, then she sticks with the friends she has, who happen to be white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am sorry if other black women find my post distasteful but this is how I feel. If we were to compare ourselves, many of you AA women have probably done more to appear white and be accepted by white society than me (if I have even done this at all). I wear my hair natural, have never bleached my skin or hair to a lighter color and have never worn a weave. Because my father is not from this country, I have no ancestors on his side who were slaves, so I know everything about my heritage on that side of the family and am very proud of my ethnicity. However, I relate more to, have more in common with and feel more comfortable around white American women than AA women. I am not sure why my perception about MYSELF offends you.

I'm one of the previous aa posters you are referring to.
Skin bleaching? Seriously? Skin bleaching is much more common and accepted in other cultures than it is among young-youngish aa women. Weaves are less common the higher up in ses you go. It's like you've never met any aa people in real life.
It feels like you are grasping to appear as something (Worldly? Cultured?) that you just don't seem to be. I feel for anyone who feels 'trapped' in their body. I hope you find some peace.

Yes, black women chemically straightening there hair IS an attempt to look more European because you do not like your naturally kinky hair. It is okay to admit it. So is wearing a weave. You are wearing the hair of another person. Don't you find that sad and pathetic??? And tanning is NOT an attempt to look Black. I hate it when AA's say this. Tanning is an attempt to look less pale and that is all. Again, why is how I feel about ME offensive to you?? How can you actually disagree with who I believe I am when you don't know me?? Think about that. It is very odd. If you told me you felt like an ape because of x,y and z, who am I to argue with you? You know you best, right?

I think you are responding to the wrong PP here, since you didn't address any points in the post you quoted. But an ape? Really? Excellent trolling.
It's bad enough you claim your father is from Africa (which is akin to me saying I'm from North America) right after talking about knowing all about your lineage on your father's side. And now this? Like I said, excellent trolling.

I do not want to say which country because it is not one of the more common ones you hear about like Ghana, Nigeria or Ethiopia. So if I named the country considering the other details I provided it may be easy to personally identify me.

[Anonymous]

I'm still not getting the "trapped" aspect - is there some part of you that yearns to break free and embrace something that is commonly considered "white" from a cultural perspective but you cannot because of your ethnicity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a"nerdy" black woman who has always had more white friends than black due to where I grew up, went to school, lived and worked. I sometimes have felt judged by other high SES black women, because I don't have perfectly done hair, nails and outfits. It has taken some work for me to develop close friendships with other black women as an adult, but it has been well worth it.
I don't straighten my hair or lighten my skin or wear a weave (hostile and judgmental much, OP?).
I would never, ever consider myself a white woman "trapped" in a black woman's body. I am black. I may not be what the media sees as stereotypically black, but I am most definitely black. I don't understand why OP has such a narrow view of what it means to be black.

It seems to me from reading this thread that OP's bad childhood experiences (she mentions being bullied by other black kids as a child, and also being raised by an immigrant parent as well as an AA parent), has shaped her sense of self. Seems reasonable to me, she seems to identify a bit more with her father's experiences than her mother's, but since she's not in Africa, then she sticks with the friends she has, who happen to be white.

That may explain why she sticks with white friends. It does not explain why she refers to herself as a "white woman trapped in a black woman's body."

[Anonymous]

If there is a whole race of people you are unable to make friends with as an adult, after admittedly trying to, you aren't trapped in anything except social awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're tripping. Or maybe coming to the shocking realization that every person is pink on the inside. Trolololol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything I've read from the OP makes me feel sad for her. However, I feel even more for her dd, who, if she hasn't already, will inevitably pick up on these identity issues from her mother. As it goes, we don't chose our parents.

I don't think OP is who he/ she says. Really, think about the responses. Does this personreally seem legitimate. It soundsmore like an assshole trolling to get many of you aroused. His/Her responses are so limited and full of anger. The person never responded as to where in Africa dear father emigrated. The only response was Africa as if that is all the person knows about that vast continent. he states that she/he has an inability to relate to Black people and feel white. Can this person not relate to black Nigerians, Ghanaians, camaroonians, Ethiopians, Senegalese, eritians, etc. They are Black and plentiful in this area. I just think it is someone baiting and trolling, as the reponses make little sense,and if nothing else the person should be able to relate to her fathers people if not her mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything I've read from the OP makes me feel sad for her. However, I feel even more for her dd, who, if she hasn't already, will inevitably pick up on these identity issues from her mother. As it goes, we don't chose our parents.

I don't think OP is who he/ she says. Really, think about the responses. Does this personreally seem legitimate. It soundsmore like an assshole trolling to get many of you aroused. His/Her responses are so limited and full of anger. The person never responded as to where in Africa dear father emigrated. The only response was Africa as if that is all the person knows about that vast continent. he states that she/he has an inability to relate to Black people and feel white. Can this person not relate to black Nigerians, Ghanaians, camaroonians, Ethiopians, Senegalese, eritians, etc. They are Black and plentiful in this area. I just think it is someone baiting and trolling, as the reponses make little sense,and if nothing else the person should be able to relate to her fathers people if not her mothers.

I completely agree that OP is a troll. 'Her' skin bleaching comment, followed by the ape comment, totally sealed it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am sorry if other black women find my post distasteful but this is how I feel. If we were to compare ourselves, many of you AA women have probably done more to appear white and be accepted by white society than me (if I have even done this at all). I wear my hair natural, have never bleached my skin or hair to a lighter color and have never worn a weave. Because my father is not from this country, I have no ancestors on his side who were slaves, so I know everything about my heritage on that side of the family and am very proud of my ethnicity. However, I relate more to, have more in common with and feel more comfortable around white American women than AA women. I am not sure why my perception about MYSELF offends you.

I'm one of the previous aa posters you are referring to.
Skin bleaching? Seriously? Skin bleaching is much more common and accepted in other cultures than it is among young-youngish aa women. Weaves are less common the higher up in ses you go. It's like you've never met any aa people in real life.
It feels like you are grasping to appear as something (Worldly? Cultured?) that you just don't seem to be. I feel for anyone who feels 'trapped' in their body. I hope you find some peace.

Yes, black women chemically straightening there hair IS an attempt to look more European because you do not like your naturally kinky hair. It is okay to admit it. So is wearing a weave. You are wearing the hair of another person. Don't you find that sad and pathetic??? And tanning is NOT an attempt to look Black. I hate it when AA's say this. Tanning is an attempt to look less pale and that is all. Again, why is how I feel about ME offensive to you?? How can you actually disagree with who I believe I am when you don't know me?? Think about that. It is very odd. If you told me you felt like an ape because of x,y and z, who am I to argue with you? You know you best, right?

I think you are responding to the wrong PP here, since you didn't address any points in the post you quoted. But an ape? Really? Excellent trolling.
It's bad enough you claim your father is from Africa (which is akin to me saying I'm from North America) right after talking about knowing all about your lineage on your father's side. And now this? Like I said, excellent trolling.

I do not want to say which country because it is not one of the more common ones you hear about like Ghana, Nigeria or Ethiopia. So if I named the country considering the other details I provided it may be easy to personally identify me.

Oh please. This area has people from all over Africa, including the little country Cape Verde. You are not an only anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a"nerdy" black woman who has always had more white friends than black due to where I grew up, went to school, lived and worked. I sometimes have felt judged by other high SES black women, because I don't have perfectly done hair, nails and outfits. It has taken some work for me to develop close friendships with other black women as an adult, but it has been well worth it.
I don't straighten my hair or lighten my skin or wear a weave (hostile and judgmental much, OP?).
I would never, ever consider myself a white woman "trapped" in a black woman's body. I am black. I may not be what the media sees as stereotypically black, but I am most definitely black. I don't understand why OP has such a narrow view of what it means to be black.

It seems to me from reading this thread that OP's bad childhood experiences (she mentions being bullied by other black kids as a child, and also being raised by an immigrant parent as well as an AA parent), has shaped her sense of self. Seems reasonable to me, she seems to identify a bit more with her father's experiences than her mother's, but since she's not in Africa, then she sticks with the friends she has, who happen to be white.

Are you that stupid to think that her father was the only person who left his native country. There are communities of Africans who congregate with others from their home country. Akin to NYC in Europeans grouping together based on the parents home country.