Completely Lost It on my Teen DD

[Anonymous]

I bet the issue of OP's daughter not speaking to him at all is a greater issue and takes up more of their communication opportunities than the rudeness and swearing. That would bug me. Anyone have ideas for how to encourage more communication or a more friendly attitude in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet the issue of OP's daughter not speaking to him at all is a greater issue and takes up more of their communication opportunities than the rudeness and swearing. That would bug me. Anyone have ideas for how to encourage more communication or a more friendly attitude in general?

The PP with 4 teens. Honestly, teens are only going to tell you so much. You have to come to grips early that no matter how close you and your teen become, there will be a communication gap. And if you press them for information, it only makes it worse. In our house, we try to create an open communication environment and it starts with us. Within reason, very few topics are off limits. We talk to our kids about OUR challenges and struggles, work issues, etc. We do not hide info from them and once they hit their teens, we were a lot more open about things - within reason. We don't pull the 'Do it because I am the parent and I say so" card. They are allowed to respectfully ask us "why" with regard to policies and rules with the understanding that we likely will not change our minds. Silent treatments are ok if they need to calm down, but, once they start talking again, we resolve the underlying issue before any other conversation takes place. Finally, we do not engage if we do not approve of the tone. At all. If you want to speak to me, talk to me like you have some sense and I will ALWAYS listen.

They are young adults and we talk to them that way. Also remember, your kids have distinct personalities and you have to take that into account. 3 of my 4 are open communicators generally. The 4th (and youngest) will tell you everything is "fine" even if his pants are on fire even and you are standing next to him. But even he has slowly learned to be more open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you say, "Hey, I am approaching you with respect and kindness. I am someone who loves you all the time, no matter what, and I'll be here when you need me, no matter what. We will disagree, as all loving people sometimes do. Sometimes we will disagree vehemently, as your dad and I do, and as I sometimes did with my own parents. But we have to find a way to get over that and get along, or else our relationship will get hurt.

If you don't want me to talk to you, I won't. But please say so with a tone of kindness, which I do deserve. We do not need to jump immediately to toxic forms of communication. Because I do love you.

How about you and I just say, "I need a break right now" without going out of our way to hurt the other person's feelings. I don't think you'd like your friends to talk to you that way, and I don't think you'd like me to talk to you that way, either. We can do better."

And bring it up when she's at her snuggliest and most receptive. Usually around bedtime.

Otherwise, I have no idea. I have a little kid. I'm not there yet.

I'm freakin' out!

I actually laughed out loud at my desk when I read this! I have teens, you can deliver your little speech and I'll tell you what will happen---a blank stare and a "f*%k you - don't condescend to me". They are NEVER snuggly!

I have a 15 year old who's snuggly.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, but how is using the f word acceptable in the house? Do you use it with the husband or kids? How on earth a parent-teen exchange can have an f word coming from both sides??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, you do not want them NOT to be able to drive

As punishment, restrictions on use of the car, yes, but for goodness sake, teach them to drive.

+1 Driving is not the stuff of punishments when they are learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, you do not want them NOT to be able to drive

As punishment, restrictions on use of the car, yes, but for goodness sake, teach them to drive.

+1 Driving is not the stuff of punishments when they are learning.

Read the thread. Nobody said you *never* teach them to drive. But you might take driving privileges away for a few weeks.