Completely Lost It on my Teen DD
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Anonymous
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I completely lost it on my teen DD the other day. She has morphed from the darling girl I have known all my life into this snarky, disrespectful creature I think I barely know. She barely, if ever talks to me. When I ask her about her day or what she is working on her answers range from monosyllablic to a "what business is it of yours." Three times in the last week I have found myself in screaming matches with her over seemingly small things. She is convinced always of her rectitude and if I question what she says, she gets upset and says I do not believe her! Usually, this has to do with some statement of "fact" she has gleaned from a teenage friend or a teacher.
Last week, she twice was screaming at me - going so far as to call me a "f**king moron." Well, at that I completely lost it and told her to simply "f**k off." Two other times, I have told her to "stop screaming at me." The last time I told her this, she challenged me with a "what are you going to do?" At that specfic time, I did not have an answer, but I think it is going to be things like: a) no sleepover with friend' b) no driving lessons' and c) no driver's license. I know I should not have blown my cool, but I simply could not take it anymore. |
Anonymous
| Im sorry |
Anonymous
| Teenagers are hard. I have three and it is a challenge. As hard as it is try not to step down to her level. I think teenagers are tough and I wish you luck. |
Anonymous
| Oh shit. |
Anonymous
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Oh yes - those were the days, sigh........It got so bad that when we took her to drop her off for her freshman year at college, we just wanted make her tuck and roll out of the door and throw her stuff after her, and then peal out in a plume of dust.
Cut off the phone, or just the texting, for a day. It won't make her behave any better, but it will make you feel GREAT! |
Anonymous
| It's good for kids to see parents apologize for not living up to their own standards. It shows that you can make a mistake, admit it, still expect better of yourself, and turn it around. Apologizing doesn't mean that your DD's behavior was o.k. or that she wins. It means that you recognize when you failed. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry. I have a 12.5 yo and things are already ramping up -- lots of screaming but at least without the bad language for now. I know that I need to do a better job at picking my battles but that will be hard for me. Things that I don't think could possible turn into a big conflict do so it makes it hard to know when it is OK to say something and when it isn't. |
Anonymous
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I have no advice, just sympathy. As a (now 35 YO) reformed horrible teenage girl, I can only say I'm sorry you have to go through this. It will pass (most likely) and she will return to the lovely girl you used to know, who hopefully will feel really bad for being so mean to her mom.
I think those are good penalties, too. Good luck! |
Anonymous
+1! haha the phone=the lifeline for teenagers. |
Anonymous
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Could you say, "Hey, I am approaching you with respect and kindness. I am someone who loves you all the time, no matter what, and I'll be here when you need me, no matter what. We will disagree, as all loving people sometimes do. Sometimes we will disagree vehemently, as your dad and I do, and as I sometimes did with my own parents. But we have to find a way to get over that and get along, or else our relationship will get hurt.
If you don't want me to talk to you, I won't. But please say so with a tone of kindness, which I do deserve. We do not need to jump immediately to toxic forms of communication. Because I do love you. How about you and I just say, "I need a break right now" without going out of our way to hurt the other person's feelings. I don't think you'd like your friends to talk to you that way, and I don't think you'd like me to talk to you that way, either. We can do better." And bring it up when she's at her snuggliest and most receptive. Usually around bedtime. Otherwise, I have no idea. I have a little kid. I'm not there yet. I'm freakin' out! 
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Anonymous
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Teenagers- yes, bad to lose your cool, but you would have to be a saint not to lose it just once in awhile.
Good luck- she'll be fine in a few years. |
Anonymous
| BTW, I am the Dad and not the Mom. Do not assume. . . |
Anonymous
I actually laughed out loud at my desk when I read this! I have teens, you can deliver your little speech and I'll tell you what will happen---a blank stare and a "f*%k you - don't condescend to me". They are NEVER snuggly! |
Anonymous
| Ugh. We too are ramping up. Hang in there. We all lose it right?!?! |
Anonymous
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I've gotten into screaming matches with my mom when I was a teen. But, the one thing I never did was curse at her. That would've been the death kill for me. Back then, I would've been hit. Not suggesting you do this, but I would put an immediate stop to the cursing at you. That's just beyond disrespectful.
Yes, do take away the phone. |