Guy I'm seeing made a joke about raping me and doesn't think it's a problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well as a guy, it is weird he said he could have raped you. That's not really what normal guys thinks or says to their girlfriend when they are drunk. You say you were just dizzy, why would he say he could have raped you? When I hear you could have been raped. I think of a passed out drunk and am concerned about your safety in general.
You should pass on this guy and get help with the sexual abuse/assault from your past.

Another guy - I would never use the word rape, even in an attempt at bad humor. Just the connotations of the word are awful. No human being should ever be a victim of such a horrendous crime.

I am sorry but it does not matter what word you would use and whether you are male or female. There is no standard for what males say in situations (like this). What matters is what the word 'rape' means for the OP. If her guy had used another word it would not have had the same effect, and the real reason it has this effect is because she was thosetim, unfortunately. Had she not been a victim, she would not post this thread but would have continued seeing this guy as "boyfriend material"

It is really unfortunate that you ppl are branding this guy rapist while missing the real issue here. OP has never had any reason to feel that he will/would rape her. What we do know is that he referenced something that relates to her past. Does that make him a rapist?! For all I know if he had those intentions she would have noticed other signs (like rage, jealousy, insecurity, aggression) long before he referenced the word rape. So the real issue for me is how OP decides to get past this hurt by getting help instead of asking strangers online to make sense of what this innocent guy (who did not take advantage of her while she was drunk) supposedly meant.

Excuse me, but I have never been the victim of a sexual assault and if a man said this to me I would be horrified. In no reality would I still consider him "boyfriend material." Your armchair psychology is pretty weak.

[Anonymous]

Hi it's really good to know you have never been a victim but there is really no need to be mean. I am just offering my opinion having had experience with the issue the OP presents. Why would you be horrified if a guy chooses not to take advantage of you while you were drunk, but say to you the morning after that had he been the type, you would have no idea because you were so drunk?! That's the real issue....whether I have an armchair or PhD ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi it's really good to know you have never been a victim but there is really no need to be mean. I am just offering my opinion having had experience with the issue the OP presents. Why would you be horrified if a guy chooses not to take advantage of you while you were drunk, but say to you the morning after that had he been the type, you would have no idea because you were so drunk?! That's the real issue....whether I have an armchair or PhD ?

+1

OP needs to drink less or quit drinking. Seriously. Or she's going to find herself in a terrible situation.

[Anonymous]

Just to follow up on my last post the OP and anyone else who is interested can access these resources. All the best people!
http://www.apa.org/topics/sexual-abuse/index.aspx

quote=Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi it's really good to know you have never been a victim but there is really no need to be mean. I am just offering my opinion having had experience with the issue the OP presents. Why would you be horrified if a guy chooses not to take advantage of you while you were drunk, but say to you the morning after that had he been the type, you would have no idea because you were so drunk?! That's the real issue....whether I have an armchair or PhD ?

+1

OP needs to drink less or quit drinking. Seriously. Or she's going to find herself in a terrible situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Joking about raping someone--not funny. Jokes about raping your girlfriend, who you know was sexually assaulted before--extra not funny. Sounds like this guy lacks empathy.

Who cares if he thinks its a silly reason to break up? You can break up with someone for any reason. It's not up to him whether or not you guys break up. See this as a red flag, which would will ignore at your own peril.

+ 1.

Major dealbreaker. Dump him.