Single Mom considering job offer in DC - would I be miserable?

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP please reconsider. I grew up outside Boise and I would sacrifice a lot to go back there and raise my children. The school systems you are comparing are apples and oranges. The DC schools you are looking at are okay for DCPS but nothing compared to what you have now. Crime and safety are also considerably different than the incidents that take place in Boise . Boise is one of the last vestages of great small town living with big city amenities. Take one of the fed jobs out west. DC can be a truly soul sucking experience, especially if you have no great desire to live in an east coast city and no real support system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I haven't committed to living anywhere yet. So are you saying that DC public preschools aren't good? I'm looking into the Gaulladet option-- that could be a huge blessing. Seems there are several excellent elementary school choices on the Hill. Am I wrong?

Thanks for suggesting using other forums for specific questions about schools and apt locations, will do!

I think you would be more than fine with the Gaulladet option if that worked out. Some of DC public preschools are really great - it's just really hard to get into them at the prek level especially if you have missed the lottery (which you have since it happens in early spring). The waiting lists for the good public preschools in DC are very long. And even if you hadn't missed the lottery, there are no guarantees that your child would get in next year even with having a sibling already at the school. That's why people are urging you to reconsider DC.

If your child were to be found eligible as a child with special needs then there are some good charter school options in DC that wouldn't require a wait list. However, based on what you said, your child may not have enough needs to qualify for early intervention (though may get 504 services at a later age).

It sounds like you have an adventurous spirit and I don't want to discourage you. To embark on a single motherhood by choice shows a huge amount of bravery in my books. I think figuring out the child care will be a big component for you.

[Anonymous]

Get your grades as a fed in DC and then work out a telework agreement so you can move back home. Seriously the best of both worlds and many at my agency are able to get these arrangements approved. Seriously considering this option for my career. I've been here 10 years, and only have 1 kiddo - plenty of family in the area and DH and I are just exhausted from the hustle and bustle. It's fun for a time and then it's not. Keep your options open.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding? Read the other threads. People here are horrible. Stay away.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 10:03 -- Yes, EXACTLY! I will keep my house in Boise. We can return anytime, Boise isn't going anywhere. I'm not even moving anything big - just bringing clothes, toys, and a few other essentials. This job will most definitely open a lot of doors professionally.

Other thing I remind myself is that although day to day finances will be very tight, it's a good financial move in the big picture. I'll be putting $ away into retirement, there is great health and other insurance (and my older daughter has some perplexing health issues that would be great to get a 2nd opinion on while we are out there), and it gives me internal hiring preference with the feds. I am fortunate that we will have a decent emergency/slush fund as I am selling a rental property this summer. I don't want to burn through our cushion, but it will be there and will allow us to enjoy a bit of travel, some restaurant meals, dance classes, etc, while we are back east. FERC has a Regional Office in Portland, OR, and I'll be working on western water issues. It's a very good bet that I will have opportunity to move back west. And then my girls will have the experience of a big adventure, strikingly different experiences, exposure to diversity and culture that Boise doesn't offer. Those are things I value. When we're ready to come home, or move to a different lifestyle, that's what we do.

I'm guessing it's been mostly women on this thread. I had an eye-opening conversation with an old friend last week. When she was 9 months pregnant with twins, and her older 2-year old had just suffered a recurrence of his leukemia, their family moved from "home" (California, near her mom, where she grew up) to New Jersey for a job opportunity for her husband, who had been laid off. She did not want to go, and obviously the circumstances were awful. But her husband really felt they needed to do it for his career. As it turned out, she created a lovely home, and her community (South Orange) turned out to be wonderful and supportive (her son ended up passing away while they lived there). A few years later they moved back home to California. It made me reflect about how men may tend to put more weight on career and women tend to be nesters - even those of us who also invest a lot in our careers. Yes, the security and comfort of home and community is appealing. But I think seizing this professional opportunity is wise, and does not exclude the possibility of a lovely day-to-day life with my kids. Well, that's my hope anyways -- perhaps I am naive.

Other thing I may not have mentioned is that I do have a few friends in the area. They are busy with their own families and lives, but it's not like we don't know ANYONE. And I'm an extrovert! We'll make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 10:03 -- Yes, EXACTLY! I will keep my house in Boise. We can return anytime, Boise isn't going anywhere. I'm not even moving anything big - just bringing clothes, toys, and a few other essentials. This job will most definitely open a lot of doors professionally.

Other thing I remind myself is that although day to day finances will be very tight, it's a good financial move in the big picture. I'll be putting $ away into retirement, there is great health and other insurance (and my older daughter has some perplexing health issues that would be great to get a 2nd opinion on while we are out there), and it gives me internal hiring preference with the feds. I am fortunate that we will have a decent emergency/slush fund as I am selling a rental property this summer. I don't want to burn through our cushion, but it will be there and will allow us to enjoy a bit of travel, some restaurant meals, dance classes, etc, while we are back east. FERC has a Regional Office in Portland, OR, and I'll be working on western water issues. It's a very good bet that I will have opportunity to move back west. And then my girls will have the experience of a big adventure, strikingly different experiences, exposure to diversity and culture that Boise doesn't offer. Those are things I value. When we're ready to come home, or move to a different lifestyle, that's what we do.

I'm guessing it's been mostly women on this thread. I had an eye-opening conversation with an old friend last week. When she was 9 months pregnant with twins, and her older 2-year old had just suffered a recurrence of his leukemia, their family moved from "home" (California, near her mom, where she grew up) to New Jersey for a job opportunity for her husband, who had been laid off. She did not want to go, and obviously the circumstances were awful. But her husband really felt they needed to do it for his career. As it turned out, she created a lovely home, and her community (South Orange) turned out to be wonderful and supportive (her son ended up passing away while they lived there). A few years later they moved back home to California. It made me reflect about how men may tend to put more weight on career and women tend to be nesters - even those of us who also invest a lot in our careers. Yes, the security and comfort of home and community is appealing. But I think seizing this professional opportunity is wise, and does not exclude the possibility of a lovely day-to-day life with my kids. Well, that's my hope anyways -- perhaps I am naive.

Other thing I may not have mentioned is that I do have a few friends in the area. They are busy with their own families and lives, but it's not like we don't know ANYONE. And I'm an extrovert! We'll make friends.

What will you do for furniture? Are you buying that here? That's a few thousand right off the bat because again, everything is more expensive. Forget craigslists for furniture. You won't have the time or ability to run around collecting it and believe me it's competitive to get the nice stuff priced well. You could go to Ikea but that's about an hour away, requires a large enough car to get it home, is heavy to get up and down steps if no elevator, and then it's got to put together in between caring for 2 young kids, working full time, and going to therapy appointments.

Saving for retirement? You will quickly drop that down to the minimum amount you can get away with contributing and will seriously consider stopping all together for a while.

You could not be more correct your friends are busy. Everyone here is busy. You will find that out quick. You will also discover that friend who live 30 minutes away become "too far" to visit. And if you are in the City, they aren't coming to you either - lack of time, traffic, and lack of parking. Plus their kids have weekend activities and they have friends and family to hang out with. I have not doubt you will complain in short order that "everyone is rude. no one wants to be friends. everything is competitive" etc.

If you are white, and have never lived anywhere diverse ( and by diverse I mean a place where the school would be at least 50% non-white), I would again really, really urge to visit here, visit the schools and neighborhood you are considering then make decisions. Diversity is something that might sound good in theory to you sitting in Idaho and never having experienced it.

I really urge you to come out here and visit for a couple weeks. You will be miserable because you have completely unrealistic expectations of just about everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 10:03 -- Yes, EXACTLY! I will keep my house in Boise. We can return anytime, Boise isn't going anywhere. I'm not even moving anything big - just bringing clothes, toys, and a few other essentials. This job will most definitely open a lot of doors professionally.

Other thing I remind myself is that although day to day finances will be very tight, it's a good financial move in the big picture. I'll be putting $ away into retirement, there is great health and other insurance (and my older daughter has some perplexing health issues that would be great to get a 2nd opinion on while we are out there), and it gives me internal hiring preference with the feds. I am fortunate that we will have a decent emergency/slush fund as I am selling a rental property this summer. I don't want to burn through our cushion, but it will be there and will allow us to enjoy a bit of travel, some restaurant meals, dance classes, etc, while we are back east. FERC has a Regional Office in Portland, OR, and I'll be working on western water issues. It's a very good bet that I will have opportunity to move back west. And then my girls will have the experience of a big adventure, strikingly different experiences, exposure to diversity and culture that Boise doesn't offer. Those are things I value. When we're ready to come home, or move to a different lifestyle, that's what we do.

I'm guessing it's been mostly women on this thread. I had an eye-opening conversation with an old friend last week. When she was 9 months pregnant with twins, and her older 2-year old had just suffered a recurrence of his leukemia, their family moved from "home" (California, near her mom, where she grew up) to New Jersey for a job opportunity for her husband, who had been laid off. She did not want to go, and obviously the circumstances were awful. But her husband really felt they needed to do it for his career. As it turned out, she created a lovely home, and her community (South Orange) turned out to be wonderful and supportive (her son ended up passing away while they lived there). A few years later they moved back home to California. It made me reflect about how men may tend to put more weight on career and women tend to be nesters - even those of us who also invest a lot in our careers. Yes, the security and comfort of home and community is appealing. But I think seizing this professional opportunity is wise, and does not exclude the possibility of a lovely day-to-day life with my kids. Well, that's my hope anyways -- perhaps I am naive.

Other thing I may not have mentioned is that I do have a few friends in the area. They are busy with their own families and lives, but it's not like we don't know ANYONE. And I'm an extrovert! We'll make friends.

What will you do for furniture? Are you buying that here? That's a few thousand right off the bat because again, everything is more expensive. Forget craigslists for furniture. You won't have the time or ability to run around collecting it and believe me it's competitive to get the nice stuff priced well. You could go to Ikea but that's about an hour away, requires a large enough car to get it home, is heavy to get up and down steps if no elevator, and then it's got to put together in between caring for 2 young kids, working full time, and going to therapy appointments.

Saving for retirement? You will quickly drop that down to the minimum amount you can get away with contributing and will seriously consider stopping all together for a while.

You could not be more correct your friends are busy. Everyone here is busy. You will find that out quick. You will also discover that friend who live 30 minutes away become "too far" to visit. And if you are in the City, they aren't coming to you either - lack of time, traffic, and lack of parking. Plus their kids have weekend activities and they have friends and family to hang out with. I have not doubt you will complain in short order that "everyone is rude. no one wants to be friends. everything is competitive" etc.

If you are white, and have never lived anywhere diverse ( and by diverse I mean a place where the school would be at least 50% non-white), I would again really, really urge to visit here, visit the schools and neighborhood you are considering then make decisions. Diversity is something that might sound good in theory to you sitting in Idaho and never having experienced it.

I really urge you to come out here and visit for a couple weeks. You will be miserable because you have completely unrealistic expectations of just about everything.

OP ignore this person. We have ikea for furniture. And as for diversity chocolate city is more strawberry now

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I will be coming to visit and scout, and find a place to live. That is excellent advice.

I grew up in the SF Bay Area, and have lived in NJ, Manitoba, S. and N. California, tiny town in Ohio, Montana, Seattle, Boulder, and now Boise. I have travelled (alone, in remote areas) in Latin America, the Middle East, SE Asia, and Europe. I'm not falling off a potato truck with blinders on. I recognize DC will be a HUGE change from Boise, especially now that I am a mom. We will most certainly be out of our comfort zone. I agree, and would bet good money that people really are a whole lot nicer in Boise (despite the abhorrent conservative/religious politics).

But there are nice people EVERYWHERE. You've just got to find them. There are, no doubt, other single moms in DC who are looking for community. I'm willing to give and take. Let's trade playdates and give each other a break. Let's back each other up in case of emergency.

I'm kindof curious to those of you who are SO negative about the area. Why are you still there?

Honestly, love and care for the people around you and some of that love will come back to you.

[Anonymous]

I think if you go into it with a spirit of adventure you'll be glad you did it. You will likely make friends, and your kids will definitely make some. There are lots of cool activities here (speed skating at Ft. Dupont park! great playgrounds and museums! tons of kids' theater companies at Glen Echo, national theater, kennedy center, and Imagination Stage! dance and music at THEARC!).

Who knows if you'll like living here. But I think you'll be glad you gave it a shot, and you have a great fallback option if it turns out not to be the right place. If your kids don't like it, well, at least they'll know they have an adventurous parent, and honestly how much does anyone remember from being 3 or 5 anyway?

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound like you have convinced yourself. But don't fool yourself into thinking the naysayers are just negative people. The cold, hard fact is that schools and housing are much more expensive and lower quality here. Perhaps your job really is worth that temporary tradeoff.

Also, you do not seem to have internalized your lack of preschool options on the hill. For reals, there is a good chance you will not get into any acceptable option. Even the ok options might not be acceptable for your older child.

And I just checked craigslist. There are literally no 2 bedrooms under 2k zoned for ok schools.

[Anonymous]

I just want to edit the above: if you are talking about the 2014-2015, there is actually NO chance of getting a preschool lottery spot on the Hill. Maybe Miner has spots. But that is a school with some serious challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I haven't committed to living anywhere yet. So are you saying that DC public preschools aren't good? I'm looking into the Gaulladet option-- that could be a huge blessing. Seems there are several excellent elementary school choices on the Hill. Am I wrong?

Thanks for suggesting using other forums for specific questions about schools and apt locations, will do!

There is only ONE elementary school considered uniformly acceptable on the hill, and that is Brent. You have absolutely no chance of getting a prek spot. The other schoos like Maury and Peabody have acceptable preschool programs but many families leave after that. Also you have zero chance of getting in this year, and will have to enter a lottery for next year.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. Please go visit the apartments before you sign a lease and please bring one of your DC area friends with you and see if they would live in the school/neighborhood. It's great that you have a financial cushion but you just may end up spending it all on special services for your special needs child. I love your sense of adventure but leaving a place with great services to go to a place with terrible services is really risky. See if your friends have any friends who go to the schools you are considering. See if you can connect with any moms who are at the schools (is there at PTA website, etc.). I wish you the best because you sound like a fabulous person and I really hope this works out for you and your girls.

[Anonymous]

OP here, signing off the thread.

This has been an incredibly informative and helpful discussion for me. Thank you so much for your input!