Single Mom considering job offer in DC - would I be miserable?

[Anonymous]

I guess it just depends on how much you need a non-freelancing job. All other things being equal, it sounds like staying in Boise would be ideal, but it is what it is if that opportunity doesn't come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wouldn't leave. I fact, you may have convinced me to move to Boise.

+1

+2 - from a single mom by choice of one. I've recently started thinking of moving elsewhere and these responses might tip the scales. Also, I visited Boise once and loved it. People floating on inner tubes in the middle of the city. Cars automatically stopping for people in crosswalks!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

Thank you all so much - I am glad I asked here, what valuable insights.

More on me: We live in Boise, ID. It is a wonderful, family-oriented environment, and though the state as a whole is uneducated and conservative, I live in a very liberal and educated part of town which makes me very comfortable staying here. It is an unbelievably EASY place to live, kids go to great Montessori preschool 2 blocks away, older daughter was admitted to wonderful K-12 International Baccalaureate charter school, tons of supportive friends, HOH daughter attends language intensive preschool every morning for FREE. We've got a good gig. And I do not feel I have exhausted all job options here.

I've got a PhD and work in natural resources. The job offer is with FERC. Yesterday I talked with potential new boss and gave him the news that I am a single mom and so my decision to accept the offer depends on my figuring out how to make it work financially and logistically. He was very open and friendly, and referred me to a realtor to speak with. After a month or two, I could telework for 2 days per week. The work is very appealing to me, boss sounds great, and I've worked for feds before and understand the amazing security and benefits a permanent position would bring.

I'm trying to find out if my hard-of-hearing daughter might qualify for free preschool services in MD or VA. She is doing great with her hearing aids and tests within normal range for language, and so is not eligible for public preschool here in Idaho (though her wonderful speech therapist gave her the scholarship spot in her private preschool just because she knows she'll benefit from it... things like that happen here!). I learned of an elementary school in Rockville that has a deaf/HOH program for both elementary and preschool. If both kids could attend the same school, perhaps I just get a nanny to send them off to school the 3 days per week I commute, go to work grossly early, and am home for them by 4 or 5 pm. In Rockville it seemed there were some more affordable options for a little house or townhouse. I've put in calls to Childfind and the schools looking for more info and don't get calls back, so that already is a red flag!

Life here in Boise is grand. My 3 br/1ba modest but absolutely lovely home in desirable part of town has a huge, gorgeous backyard (playset for kids, garage, etc) and we can bike anywhere we want to go. And... it costs me $1050 per month in mortgage!(on a 15 year loan!) If we move to DC I'd most certainly rent just to have an easy exit strategy if it's not working well.

So with that additional info, any more insights. I truly thank you for your time and experiences!

OMG. I want to live there, too, now! I live near the Alexandria/Arlington border in a 2br/2ba apt for $2200 (includes parking). My apt is about 1.5 mi to the subway, so even though I live a mere 6 mi from the office in DC, it takes me 50 min to get to work, on a bus then a train, assuming the trains are running as scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I believe the school you reference in Rockville is our local elementary, and we really like it there. However, my spouse and I are on a tight budget with $150k HHI in this area (main expenses are childcare for 2 and mortgage). You'd be hard pressed to find a home feeding into our school for less than $350k or rental less than 2k/month and those would be in pretty rough shape. It's a nice neighborhood though, with decent green space for the area - though commutes downtown aren't great.

I'd be pretty torn if I were you. I'm also in the natural resource field and the jobs are definitely here, but there's definitely a big trade off in lifestyle. I've made my peace with it for various reasons, but the alternate life I almost lived in a small western city still haunts me a bit. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

stay where you are!!
~single parent

[Anonymous]

If I were you, I would tell them that you aren't willing to move, but would happily accept it remotely for $X less. That may turn their heads.

If you could do that and then move to DC in a few years for a higher-paying job and with kids who are both school aged (lower childcare costs), you would be much better off.

[Anonymous]

OP Back! Gosh, for all I hear about people not being nice in DC, you're sure a helpful bunch, Thank You!

The posts about living right in/near Capitol Hill (am I correct that is the neighborhood with Union Station/FERC?) have me intrigued. If I completely cut out the commute time and associated stress, that really changes my outlook! If I can walk the kids to school and walk or take a short metro to work, hmmm. What if rent out my Boise house, rent a livable 1 BR apt, don't bring anything but clothes and toys out to DC, consider it a working vacation, and simply intend to be out there for one year? If I perform well at work and gain this great experience, perhaps I can then land a fed job back west or a transfer/work remotely with FERC.

Given that scenario, questions: Would it be a safe area for me and my children to live? One acquaintance who spent 10 years in DC was scaring me by telling me her husband was held up at gunpoint twice, a kid was killed in their alley, etc - and she said she lived in a big home in a nice part of town! Can you tell me names of Elementary schools, streets or apartment buildings to look at, likely rental prices? I understand there is no assurance of getting a spot in free preschool especially at this late state, but could be worth looking into.

One other point, I have a dear friend who lives in Chevy Chase with a young family, and another high school friend in N VA. And dear friends in DE, NJ, NYC, and western Mass. So in case of dire emergency (like my appendix ruptures or something) I do have a bit of a safety net with my kids.

On the other hand, y'all are welcome to move out here and we could build a microcosm of SMBCs in Idaho! Yes, we float down the river in inner tubes, defer to bikes and pedestrians while driving, and stop by each other's houses with flowers "just because." Idyllic. As it turns out, I know quite a few DC transplants living here, and they have been the most vocal group telling me to stay put.
Talking to other single moms has been so useful, though, so thank you!

[Anonymous]

I am also a single mom by choice. My child is a bit older than your oldest now.

Do not move here on the salary you are being offered.

Your first post is correct. 11.5 to 12 hours is about the amount of time you can expect to spend on work plus school/daycare drop offs.

We live close in to reduce commute time and it still takes up to 45 minutes once I actually get in my car and make it to a major road that will take me out of the city. Without traffic, I could leave my house and be sitting at my desk in my downtown office in 15 minutes. Parking and getting to my office takes time. And I am lucky because I have a parking garage close to my building and the cost per month isn't outrageous. (yet. It could always go up)

Living close in means we sacrifice space and have a very small townhouse. I have about 800sq ft. But then again, if I had a SFH, I would then have to pay for yard work, maintenance, etc and that adds up quick.

There is no free all day preschool out of DC itself. Alexandria, Arlington, Bethesda do not offer this. You will need to pay for full time daycare. In addition, you will need to pay for before/after care for your older child and then camps all summer. Camps start about $225 a week if you are lucky and use country run camps and that will include before and after care which you will need because camp runs 9am - 3pm. Go to a private camp and the cost goes up by a $100 per week at least.

Support networks - good luck. Other single parents aren't the best choice because they are constantly juggling their own schedule. Other working parents are juggling schedules too so they might help you out in a real, real pinch. And then you are juggling a schedule. By the time you figure out what kind of help you need and when, it's usually last minute and it's easier to just do it yourself. Also, I need dependability so I prefer to hire someone for emergency and occasional child care.

Everything costs more. Everything. From a loaf of bread to dance classes. Here's an expense I had in the preschool years that I never accounted for - birthday parties. I easily spent $400 and I got off cheap. Before I had a child, I never, ever would have considered spending that. But it happens. Everyone does it.

Everywhere takes longer to get too. On the map, it's 2 miles away but guess what? There's traffic on that 2 mile stretch.

I have lived here for a long time and am used to the pace and way of life here but honestly, I think you might experience some culture shock just like I would if I moved to Boise.

[Anonymous]

Another single mom here. I live in the Rockville neighborhood that has the ES Deaf program. We enjoy the school and neighborhood for the most part. I also commute to DC, not far from Union Station. It is 75 minutes one way, if there are no delays. The commute is on the Red Line, which is known for lots of problems/delays, so you have to figure that in. I can't really work 8 full hours in the office and still make it home in time for pick-up (thankfully I have some flexibility at my job and also work from home a lot).
Housing in my neighborhood: most houses start at $350k. There is a townhouse/apt. community that is in the school boundary I think. But I think rents there, and in the neighborhood houses, start at $2000/month. Not sure your budget would allow that.
Honestly, I wouldn't consider the Rockville option. Silver Spring might be do-able commute/cost wise for the schools. DC near Union Station -- can't comment on affordability or schools.
Good luck. Everyone has there own opinion, but I don't consider DC to be a very good place to raise a child. I would move to Boise in a heartbeat if I could. Of course its a job that keeps me here, and I totally get the lure of the fed. job. Not an easy decision.

[Anonymous]

Hi again from Capitol Hill! I love your attitude and would welcome you as a neighbor. I am very happy here (I'm also a westerner) but I would hate to sell you on what could be a tough move. Though if you view it as an adventure, it might be fun.

The areas closest to Union Station are inbounds for the Cluster School (Peabody) and Ludlow Taylor, both excellent options for early childhood education. You could certainly rent a 2 bedroom for around 2k, maybe a little more. Your kindergartner would be guaranteed a spot, and the 3 yo would be moved up on the waiting list for sibling preference. This probably still wouldn't get #2 into Peabody but might work for LT. Certainly for next year. Daycare is tough. Hard to get into and expensive. We did nanny shares for our kids, which was a little less expensive but still pricy.

Anyway, we are very happy living here on a middle class income, but since we are a two income family, it is easier. There are real benefits to living right in the city. Commute is chief among them, but I honestly love the neighborhood so much that I am willing to commute out of the city every day for my job. Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope to meet you someday on the Hill!

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, my child is hard of hearing and has an IEP. We live in Silver Spring. If your child does not have a 25% deficit then she will not get an IEP. It does not sound like you even need the schools in Rockville which specialize in DHOH. My child goes to his home school. He gets weekly speech therapy in school as well as a monthly visit from a itinerant DHOH teacher. My child has bilateral hearing loss and wears aids.

So unless you think it is really beneficial to be in one of the Rockville schools which specialize in DHOH, then you might want to look to live closer to your job, because the commute from Rockville to Union Station is going to considerably longer than (for example) Silver Spring to Union Station.

http://www.mcahicmd.org/

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/MCAHIC/conversations/topics

You can join the Yahoo group and maybe get more information about the DHOH programs. The list serve has teachers and administrators of the Mont. County Public School programs as well as parents.

[Anonymous]

No way. Not as a single mom, not as a couple, not as a family. This place blows. It makes everything in life 10x more difficult.

[Anonymous]

I would do it. keep your house and rent it out. Rent a small apartment on Capitol Hill or Silver Spring, and see how you like it. Worst case scenario you can always return after a year or two having experienced something different for yourselves and the kids.

I won't say ignore the naysayers - it is important to know what you are getting into - but you should also know that many of us love it here. The museums, the international and intellectual environment, the work opportunities, are things you cannot get in Boise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do it. keep your house and rent it out. Rent a small apartment on Capitol Hill or Silver Spring, and see how you like it. Worst case scenario you can always return after a year or two having experienced something different for yourselves and the kids.

I won't say ignore the naysayers - it is important to know what you are getting into - but you should also know that many of us love it here. The museums, the international and intellectual environment, the work opportunities, are things you cannot get in Boise.

I love DC, too. Though, the lifestyle is quite stressful for a single mom of two small children. It's lovely to visit museums and experience other stimulating elements of the town if you have time after taking care of the essentials of life. OP's children would likely appreciate a move to a major city, even more, after aging up a little bit.

[Anonymous]

You're getting great advice here OP, and you sound like you have a tough choice to make.

I know people who live on Capital Hill and are raising happy, healthy, active kids without fear. It can be done. I also know families who can make it work in Montgomery County (Maryland) which does have fantastic schools and support networks.

In fact, I rent my former house out to a family right now and if they were leaving anytime soon I'd happily offer it to you. It's 3 BR, 2 BA, small but with a beautiful little yard in a safe, quiet, neighborhood on the border of Kensington and Silver Spring. I get $1,850/mth for it.

So you can find rental housing at levels you can afford, and there are plenty of friendly helpful people around here, especially if you have kids.

But we'd all be jealous of some of the things you have right now and I think it would be a tough call for you.

If you can maintain an "escape clause" option that gives you the peace of mind of going home if need be I'd say give DC a shot. It will only get harder to relocate your kids as they get older. Maybe you can give them the best of both worlds.

Good luck!